Comments on: Menopause Goddess Flashbacks: What We Wish We’d Known Sooner About Work

By: Cynthia Sawtell

Cynthia Sawtell — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 03:36:32 +0000

During those stressful years when I was working and had small children, I wish I’d understood how important it was to prioritize my SELF, as well as time for my husband and me. If you don’t make those things a priority every week, in all the busy-ness of life, you can end up undernourishing both yourself and your primary relationship without even noticing. I can remember thinking that a massage, for example, was a luxury and an indulgence, instead of seeing it for the wellness activity it really is. That quiet time can be really restorative.

When the priorities get screwed up, little resentments can build into walls – laid down in super thin layers of silk no one would have guessed would become a problem. Rather than address the resentment, you push it down thinking it’s not important, it will pass. The wall can end up destroying the fabric of the family life you treasure.

Although I believed my work was so important at the time, now that I look back on it from the perspective of retirement, it hardly matters to me now.

A wise Scotsman once said to me: “Americans live to work, while we Scots work to live”. THAT puts it in its proper perspective.

By: Virginia Wallerstedt

Virginia Wallerstedt — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 03:35:51 +0000

I was so glad to see this subject treated here. I’m 47 and in a new marriage after losing my first beloved spouse when I was 43; he had a brain tumor for years. The struggles and triumphs that come with dealing with illness/”mortality in your face” every day surely can change the way you look at things. While work remains a priority because I’m not independently wealthy (!), need health benefits, and it’s satisfying on some levels, it no longer seems such a big “identity” hook. What a relief! Is it really OK not to equate what we do with who we are, at our core? Is it OK to not feel like so many others in our office, who want to climb the corporate ladder, etc.? There are so many other ladders, leading to the stars, that I want to take time to climb. I feel as if I need encouragement, from women like those here, to cut free from the “work as identity” paradigm. Thanks for these honest, helpful thoughts.

By: Lynette Sheppard

Lynette Sheppard — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 03:35:13 +0000

Thank YOU so much, Virginia, for such a personal heartfelt perspective. I love climbing the ladder to the stars rather than the corporate ladder. And truthfully, there are those who will dismiss us if we don’t identify ourselves by what we do.

I remember a good friend who was involved in all manner of sustainability issues, growing a huge organic garden, and volunteering in all manner of creative outlets. Still, when she was at a party, people would start with “What do you do?” When she would detail the things she was passionate about, often their eyes were scanning the room or they said “Oh.,” and moved on. She eventually began answering “Nothing.” Those who were identified people by their careers moved on more quickly, and she met many people who were so intrigued by her answer that they really wanted to know her.

Women sharing wisdom like yours – that’s how we’ll not only get through Menopause more easily; it’s how we will create a life. Climbing to the stars.