Menopause Survival Manual For Men


Lately, I’ve been getting as much mail from men whose mates, moms, and menopausal female pals are looking like a puzzle they just can’t figure out. So for them, I’m offering a few small tips for dealing with us while we are going through the Change.

#1 Choose Your Words Carefully
While you are tippytoeing on those eggshells, here are a few phrases that will get you on your way with the least amount of breakage:

“I love you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Have you lost weight?”

I’m forever grateful to Shellie Rushing Tomlinson of All Things Southern for sharing these gems. Check out her video on Hot Flashes and Mood Swings in the August 3 blog post of this year “Gotta Love Those Southern Menopause Goddesses” to further understand why you can’t say these three phrases too much.

My own hubby, Dewitt, often sounds like a well-trained parrot as he trots these out over and over. Do I mind his constant repetition? No I don’t. It doesn’t matter how or why he is saying it, just that he is. It’s a way for him to express to me that he knows I’m having a menopause moment. Or year. Or two.

#2 Don’t help. Listen.
We know that it is a man’s nature to want to help in situations where damsels are indeed in distress. However, I can assure you that unless you can magically change our very DNA or make it rain female hormones on command, there is nearly nothing you can do to help. Except listen. Without speaking. And maybe handing us a cool damp cloth for our fiery forehead when we start to sweat like pigs.

#3 Surprise us with housework

I came home today from lunch out with two of the Venuses. I looked at the kitchen sink where I’d left the stack of dirty dishes only to find them washed and air-drying in the drainer.

This is guaranteed to get us right in the heart. And sometimes even in other sensitive places, where our libido has hung a sign reading “On Vacation, Indefinitely.” Yep, porn for women is men doing chores without asking what needs to be done (that is a key part – if we have to tell you what to do, the surprise factor is pretty much lost. As are points.)

The other night, Dewitt jumped up and dried dishes that I was washing, after throwing in the laundry. I gotta tell you, he never looked sexier to me. Hmmmmmmm, housework as aphrodisiac.

#4 Preemptive mood strikes

Along with the aforementioned three mission critical phrases, offering chocolate, neck rubs, wine, and the TV remote are effective mood enhancers that can smooth out some of the emotional swings before they happen. And if they do occur? It’s less likely that you’ll be caught in the crossfire.

These are enough to get you started. Heck, if you only implemented the advice in these four simple tips, you’d be well on your way to being the ideal menopause goddess mate, friend, or companion. We’d love you for it.

Photo for this blog posting is the cover of a fabulous, fun book called Porn for Women. Photographed by Susan Anderson, From the Cambridge Women’s Pornography Cooperative, published by Chronicle Books of San Francisco.

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5 Responses to Menopause Survival Manual For Men

  1. rae December 3, 2009 at 11:23 am #

    Love the blog, now how to get my honey to read it??? maybe, post it on my naked body????, nah…. he’d never notice it there.

  2. MoonSeazen December 3, 2009 at 8:55 pm #

    Too funny, but true, Rae! Anyway, laughter is always the best medicine….it’s also great for facial toning….LOL!

  3. Theresa December 4, 2009 at 3:28 pm #

    Hmmm – my hubby has always done the shopping, cooking and dishes and perhaps I have gotten used to it (we gals need to be careful of that) BUT – the sexiest is when he brings me coffee to bed. Talk about a good reason to linger between the sheets a bit longer.

  4. Lance Chambers March 1, 2010 at 6:22 am #

    Understanding the biological and physiological changes in a woman’s body will enable men to cope with the symptoms and make necessary adjustments and some compromise to save the relationship because these changes are not permanent and can be treated but a healthy and active lifestyle with lots of exercise and essential vitamins is the best and natural way to ease the symptoms.

  5. Elizabeth April 16, 2010 at 1:11 pm #

    Hubby is already throwing my “hormnes” in my face and i just had surgery to lose my last ovary on Monday! 4 days. How will we ever survive if he throw it in my face! Cruelty is unacceptable. I love him but this type of behavior is taking the spark out of my heart!

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