Category — After the Pause

Tuolumne river © lynette sheppard

Why is it called Menopause instead of Menohalt? We don’t pause our hormones and childbearing status. We come to a screeching stop!

So why the temporary sounding name? Perhaps there’s a message here. (No, I’m not talking about Men On Pause, although there is certainly a component of that for awhile during the Big M.)

I wonder if we are Meant to Pause. Okay, okay, I’m probably reading way too much into this, but I just got back from a major pause up in the high Sierra and it seems that this deep appreciation for all things beautiful has been pushed to the forefront by Menopause.

Peace, enjoyment of simple pleasures like nature and music, reveling in the perfection to be had in the here and now. Theresa Venus talks about this same feeling in her latest blog entry, wondering if resort living might really be a frame of mind rather than a place like Lake Tahoe. I think she might be on to something.

Case in point: Dewitt and I went up to Tuolumne Lodge in Yosemite National Park again this year. It’s a great vacation spot complete with rustic tent cabins. There’s no wifi and precious little cell phone service. No electricity either. A perfect place to unplug.

Add to that, hot showers and great food prepared for you twice a day and there are just no responsibilities whatsoever. It’s like going to camp without the overamped counselors and activities. Because if there’s one thing we Menopause Goddesses long for, it is unstructured, open time. Time to read, make art, daydream, or just do nothing.

Every morning at breakfast, we were seated with several other campers that we didn’t know. Inevitably the first topic of conversation was “What hike are you doing?”

“Er, none.” we’d answer. “We are just going to walk a little ways down the river and hang out. Maybe read a little and take some photos.”

This was a most appropriate question, since this lodge is the jumping off point for some of the most beautiful (and strenuous) hikes in the Sierra. Our answer earned us some pretty weird looks, and sometimes put a stop to all further conversation.

Still, we stuck to our nonplan. (One of Dewitt’s favorite phrases about vacationing and travel is that “The unaimed arrow never misses.” We live by that.

Off to the river we meandered with lawn chairs, books, cameras, water, and trail mix. Long days were spent rereading favorite books. (In Spite of Everything Yes by Ralph Steiner for Dewitt, Anne Lamott’s delightful book on writing Bird by Bird for me.) We swam and took photos, watched shadows and birds, and just filled ourselves up on natural beauty.

At dinner, we’d reprise our day when asked what hike(s) we did. Some confused looks as well as some curious glances were directed our way. Luckily, food arrived quickly enough to save us having to explain too much.

Our last morning, we were sitting at the table with two goddesses of a certain Meant To Pause age. They asked us about our hiking plans; we sheepishly reiterated our lazy ass, open-ended, goal less ‘plans’. “Wonderful,” they crowed. “Us too. Don’t you just love it?”

We do. We love it. And them. They came along just in time, reaffirming our commitment to Pause and reflect, Pause and relax, Pause and enjoy. Yep, from now on, I’m a Meant To Pause Goddess and proud of it.

butterfly blues © lynette sheppard

When I asked for ideas for the third theme for the Menopause Goddess Blog, I was deluged with creative titles from goddesses. I heard from women post pausal and those simply looking forward to that happy day. One thing is for sure, creativity is definitely blooming in the Menopause years.

There were so many good ideas that it was hard to choose. Yeah, yeah, I know. Everyone says that with every contest, but I’m not just blowing smoke here. It was tough, tough, tough. And I will say that most of the ideas will now be subcategories of the main theme.

As you know, we needed a theme that in 16 characters described all the ramifications of the post pausal years (save aging and menopause, since those are the other two themes.) This title had to include our being and becoming for our second Act. It had to suggest growing into our “new” selves, what we might leave behind, and our life’s journey from here on.

Before I announce the winner, here are themes that are the runners-up. These are all first runners-up and deserve admiration and contemplation because each describes at least one facet of the post-pausal journey.

Meaning of Life, Voila, Eureka, Pause to Play, Embracing Wisdom, Elder Wisdom, Evolution, Nirvana, Legacy, Grace, YouPlay, Vision, Return to Sanity, Age of Wisedom, Pausitive Changes, Our New Chapter, New Beginnings, From Now On, LIfe after Menopause, Our Act 2, Past Pause, Beyond Big M, Elderiffic, Journey Part 2, Pause Then Effect, Living Our Dreams, Life’s Vision, Being and Becoming, Wise Woman Phase, Phase 2, Meaning Full.

Whew. And just a few more noteworthy entries.

“Theia” was suggested by Laura S. She is the elder Titanis goddess of sight and the shining light of heaven (“aither”). She was the mother of Sun, Moon and Dawn. Her name is also connected with words meaning “foresight” and “prophecy”. I love the symbology.

One of my favorites is AfterPause (thanks, Carol). However, my good friend Dee Adams of Minnie Pauz cartoon fame has actually begun a section on her site called Afterpause. Check it out if you haven’t already.

I also loved “AARP Why Me? I’m not Ready” submitted by Mrs. V. even though it exceeds the 16 characters; it’s so apt.

Okay, finally. Drum roll please. The winner is Jennifer Worsham with her theme title: “Second Adulthood”. This title encompasses everything: the celebration of Voila, the leaving a mark of Legacy, the looking ahead of Vision, and all the permutations of Wisdom, Play, and Living Our Dreams that our post-pausal journey will unfold.

So Jennifer, please send me your mailing info to lynette@9points.com and I’ll send out your copy of “The Big M” right away. Congratulations.

And congrats and thank you to all the goddesses who so generously gave of themselves and their creative wordplay to all of us.
We all win when we make it out the other side of the Pause, no doubt about it.

techno trials by lynette sheppard

Technology. Gotta love it; gotta hate it sometimes.

I love my Macintosh computer and my iPhone. I love how they talk to each other keeping my email and calendar up to date. I love, love, love my iPad. And of course, my trusty iPod. Mostly though, I love technology because it connects me to such an amazing community of wild, wise women.

Still sometimes, I despise technology. Twitter won’t let me tweet because there are already too many li’l birds singing out there. Or I’m confounded yet again by the “new and improved” Facebook. Or my mail program says it can’t send for no discernable reason.

Or the plug-ins that cause Menopause Goddess Blog to operate, roll over and play dead when we upgrade to the latest, greatest WordPress platform. (Which we have to do about every fifteen freaking minutes, it seems. Hellooooooooooo. Can we have a little consistency around here?!?)

Okay, enough ranting. Here’s why this is important just now. We’re extending the contest to name the third theme of blog topics on Menopause Goddess Blog for one more week, because the “Contact Us” button decided to quit working or go on extended vacation or something. And we don’t know how long it has been kaput.

So while my web magician works on a new one (we are dumping the plug-in that refused to perform and programming a hardwired solution), I will ask (read plead) for any of you who sent your wonderful suggestions and ideas to me to resend them to menopausegoddess@aol.com I would hate to miss any of your wise woman brilliance.

We’ve already had a number of cool suggestions for the theme that will cover the second half of our lives, after the worst of the pause, when we focus on such things as legacy, vision, who we might become, and so on.

All this has to fit into 16 characters (including spaces, I believe). Whew, tall order. Remember, winner gets a copy of The Big M (and if she already has it, a Big M Jewel box.)

Okay, goddesses. Send us your best. And remember, when technology gets cranky, don’t you follow suit. Just head for the chocolate and wine. Hmmmmmmm. I need to follow my own advice. Time for tootsie rolls and Merlot.

Last week I attended a professional conference in San Francisco. In my “other” life, prior to The Big M, I worked as an Enneagram consultant. (The Enneagram is a personality map, too complex to go into here. Basically, it offers a framework for understanding self and others. For more info, you can visit my Essential Enneagram website or Everyday Enneagram Blog.)

Anyway, the point of this story is that there was the usual final evening banquet, dance, and silent auction to raise funds for the professional association. Dewitt and I are silent auction junkies; we scope out all the goodies, rank them, and often find at least one must-have item. So we were primed and ready.

In the past, our silent auction choices were things like dancing lessons, golf vacations, jewelry, or artsy stuff for our home. We always felt so virtuous bidding on something we’d never ordinarily seek out while contributing to a good cause.

At this particular event, we wandered up and down the long tables. Beautiful jewelry, fine wine, and outings were offered in abundance. Lately however, I feel like I have enough jewelry, didn’t want to haul the wine back with me, and have enough outings coming up that I’m longing to be home a little more.

So nothing was appealing. Until I saw it. A small unassuming box. A magic box. Containing a device I did not own. I had to have it.

Easy one step, it promised. Clinically validated for accuracy. Large digital display. Lifetime warranty.

It was (drum roll please) a Blood Pressure Monitor. And hardly any bids were listed. I rushed over to Dewitt (as I am wont to do in these situations, because I can count on him to be a tenacious auction hound) and whispered, “I have to have THAT!”

To his credit, he didn’t question it, just got to work, while I visited with colleagues and surfed the food tables. Long story short, he won it. I was the proud owner of a Life Source Easy One Step Blood Pressure Monitor.

After paying for it, we made the rounds of friends and associates at other tables. I kept the magic box awkwardly tucked under my arm, unwilling to let my prize go.

“Oh my god,” screeched an Enneagram professional woman friend of Menopause Goddess age. “I bid on that! I actually wanted it.”

“How weird is this?” I asked her. “Have we reached the old people stage of life where medical equipment trumps spa supplies, adornments, and vacations? Oh my god, we are pathetic.! What if the auction had included large type remotes or ginormous pill boxes? Just imagine the frenzy if there’d been one of those I’ve-fallen-and-I-can’t-get-up services offered. Yikes!”

“Nah, we’re not pathetic, she laughed. “We still dance and travel and dress up. We just care about our health. Too.”

So this is it. Another bizarre manifestation of my own personal aging. Bypass the wine. Forget the trips. Scratch the jewelry. Go for the medical and health supplies.

Still, my Enneagram buddy is right. This is additive not subtractive. Health, travel, silver earrings, and wine. I love them all.

And I love techie things. Like my iPad. And my blood pressure monitor. Oh, and my reading was 120/80. In case you were wondering. I was.

Supposedly, the sense that is the most evocative of memory is smell. And I can attest that sometimes that is true. The scent of chalkdust and newly sharpened pencils definitely takes me back to grade school.

But I think that hearing might be a contender for top memory honors as well. Specifically when related to hearing music. In fact, listening to music from our past may even open up time travel.

Case in point: Theresa Venus and I (along with spouses and friends) attended an Elton John concert the other night. And suddenly, while dancing and singing along to songs we knew by heart, we were 17 again. Okay, it was really dark, so that helped the illusion.

Still, the years just fell away as the sunset faded into twilight and the full moon made its entrance. Flooded with happy nostalgia,  we slipped into that youthful experience of pure, rocking joy in the moment, needing nothing more, feeling the promise of life stretching out ahead of us.

Just like now. Our life stretches out ahead of us – at least the second half of it. And remembering will keep us vibrant and alive. Youth may be wasted on the young, but if we tap into it, it won’t be wasted on us menopause goddesses as we leap into our second childhood.

So, in the title I quote two of my favorite (and apropos) Elton John songs. I say them as a mantra: The Bitch is Back. And I’m Still Standing.  And dancing, and singing, and laughing out loud. I’m fifty fifteen and ready for rock and roll. Join me!

Click the link for a little taste of the magic:

Elton John Concert Lake Tahoe 2010

Transforming by lynette sheppard

God, I hope so! While I am officially post-menopausal, maladies of the change intrude every so often, capturing my attention and giving me fodder for the Menopause Goddess Blog. That was and is great.

Lately, though, I’ve been feeling restless. As the most annoying manifestations of the Big M fade into background noise, I ask myself “What’s Next?” “What will I be doing five years from now?” “Dear goddess, will I still be writing about the Pause?”

Driving to my daughter’s house last weekend, I broached the subject with my husband. “I want to write about other things that are more front and center for me and the Venuses now,” I told him. “But I sure don’t want to bail on my sister goddesses just beginning or in the midst of the Change. I’m confused and conflicted.”

“Why does it have to be either or?” he asked. “Keep the blog as is, write some about the Big M and add the relevant musings about being beyond the Pause.”

Well, duh. It was so obvious that I couldn’t see it.

So from here on out, there will be three basic themes that Menopause Goddess Blog addresses. All categories that we see now (and new ones to come) will fall under the heading of one of these three themes. The first theme is Menopause. The second is Aging Gracefully. The third is up to you all to title.

I want to focus on who we are becoming for our second half of life. What is our vision for the next fifty years? Who do we wish to be? What legacy, if any, shall we leave behind us?

At first, I thought to call this third theme “Midlife Matters”. Then my mate, Dewitt, oh so tactfully pointed out that technically I’m past midlife. (Thanks for that , sweetie.)

So I’m asking all my sister goddesses for help. Help me name this theme. And to sweeten the deal, let’s make it a contest. Submitter of the  best name choice will receive a signed copy of The Big M. And if you already have the book? Then your prize will be a lovely wooden Big M jewel box.

I’m excited to see what you all come up with. And excited to embark upon new topics as we grow together. And hey, if you have any topic ideas? Or want to offer a guest blog post? Send them on!

Bowron Lakes, BC © lynette sheppard

There is nothing like a long vacation followed by a little jet lag to put your life in perspective. I know that I apologized for my dearth of blog posts in my last entry – and I was all set to do it again. But then I started to think………… (Thanks to the jet lag, I couldn’t do much else except suck wind on the couch and eat breakfast cereal at 3:00 am when I was prowling around wondering why I was awake.)

I noticed my stress level was rising, while energy and motivation were still in the toilet. I was quietly flipping out about bailing on my obligations, duties, and jobs. And then it hit me. Almost all of my deadlines and have-to-get-dones are self imposed.

In other words, I am stressing myself out. No one else is beating on me. Just me. What is it about women? How we can take on so much stuff and make it into have-tos or must-dos. There are enough of those with work and paying bills and so on that we shouldn’t be piling on to ourselves. And still we (and I) do.

So I started musing about what I actually need and want to do. Here’s a partial list of my must-do-or-know-that-I’ve-failed-miserably chores:

Post on Menopause Goddess blog once a week or more.

Answer everyone who contacts me via Facebook, email, etc for help and advice. (Really. I expected this of myself.)

Post to all the places I write guest blogs or health advice at least once a week – Examiner.com, VibrantNation.com , Wellsphere.com, Wegohealth.com, JaneNation.com.

Post every week to two weeks to my other blogs: Everyday Enneagram Blog, iPhone Diva, and Digital Diva Digital Dude.

Tweet daily or more.

Monitor Facebook, retweet good tweets, comment on my favorite bloggers and writers articles.

Then there’s the personal stuff:

Keep my house clean and company ready,

Practice hula daily – walk daily. Weights 3 x a week

Attend all social events when invited by friends, family, acquaintances.

Finish my new (already behind) projects: my new book, the Menopause Marketplace, podcasts, you tube page/videos.  Plan the kitchen remodel. Move ahead on photo projects.

Oh, and spend quality time with spouse daily.

Confronted with such a list, I feel guilty AND tired. So I’m scaling back my self imposed expectations. And this is my new list of jobs and obligations.

Post blogs as often as there is something to say – shoot for once a week, but no stress. No one is pushing me but ME.

Create lots of me time. That goes hand in hand with spending quality time with best friend/spouse.

Everything else may not exactly be optional, but the rest of the to-do’s are certainly not urgent or life threatening.

Eat well and exercise. Period.

Post when I can to accessory sites -  ideally but not absolutely once every 1-2 weeks

Pre schedule some useful tweets. Or not.

Attend social functions when rested and I want to, not as obligation or in gratitude that I was asked. As my dear friend and Time Management author Karen Leland says, We can always celebrate another time together if the actual party doesn’t work.”

Scan Facebook and Twitter twice weekly ( If it works).

Answer questions, leave comments, and offer help when I have the energy and time.  Let them know if I’m overextended and that they are welcome to try me again in the future. Nobody understands this more than Menopause Goddesses.

Spend quality time with friends and family.

Work on some new project(s) daily – set up a schedule. And cast it in jello instead of concrete.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. At least until I start overloading myself with self-imposed expectations again. I would greatly appreciate any and all ideas my sister goddesses might have to keep these loads light and manageable.

For now? I’m off to the beach with my beloved for some sunshine and serenity.

Giverny Poppies © lynette sheppard

Greetings sister goddesses. I’ve been neglectful in my posting for a very good reason. I’m on vacation. Karen Venus and Theresa Venus and I spent a glorious nine days photographing in Monet’s garden in Giverny in a photo workshop taught by Mark Lissick of Wildlight Nature Photography and my own dear mate, Dewitt Jones. The photo of poppies was just one of the scrillions I took. And now I am in the Scottish Highlands on a romantic getaway with my spouse. Wifi is spotty at best, so I’ll just post my mea culpa and promise to get back on the saddle upon my return the first week of July. Wishing you all a ‘cool’ and comfortable summer. Au revoir for now.

I am a huge advocate for enjoying a second childhood in the second half of our lives. In fact, if pressed, I’d have to say that this is my main goal for myself in the post menopausal years. I want to experience the joy and innocence, spontaneity and radiance of youth. Since I can’t have the body, I’ll have to settle for all the rest of the goodies.

Still, even though this is my main goal, I forget it for blocks of time. I get caught up in responsibility and duty, chores and unexpected glitches. Life, in other words. So I probably need to practice raising my energy and focusing my vision with some affirmations of delight.

And this video of young Jessica showed me the way. From the mouths of babes….

Jessica\’s Daily Affirmation

So. Here goes! I love my house. I love my island. I love cool breezes. I love my My Breeze fan. I love my Not-So-Hot purse fan. I love hula. I love my body, in all its imperfections, I love my Macintosh, I love my iPhone, I love my dog and my cats, I love my kids and husband and good friends.

I love walking. I love cleaning up. I love the smell of laundry. I love the high Sierra. I love my Kindle. I love words. I love blogs. I love my art. I love my parents and brother. I love my sister Menopause Goddesses near and far (More than you’ll ever know). I love being alive!

Day One of Operation Stop HRT

Dear diary,
Today, I cut my patch in half and secured the non-adhesive end with waterproof tape. I’ve felt virtuous all day. No symptoms or adverse effects at all – not that I expected any. Estrogen will store in fat tissue, and okay, I’ve got a little storage depot around my middle and in my thighs. I expect no real change for the first week or so. (And hopefully, no real changes after that!) Because I’m tired of change. I haven’t heard from Dr. A yet re: her progress.
Off to bed, and hopefully to uninterrupted sleep.

Day Two
Another good (read uneventful) day from a hormonal standpoint. Delighted that my waterproof tape is holding. No hot flashes or other Big M symptoms. It seemed like an especially hot night, though not enough to wake me. Felt so much better when my husband complained “Geez, it was hot last night.”. Yay. It’s not me.

Being religious about using my natural progesterone cream. Feeling like this might be easy, but know that there exist loads of shoes just waiting to drop when I get too cocky. Called the clinic and left message for Dr. A. to call me. Has she reconsidered (read Chickened Out)?

Day Three
Pretty good day. Not flashing or sweating. The only glitch I’ve noticed today is a slight shortening of my fuse. Our computer genius is on one phone line, my husband is on the other and the conversations are filling the house with competing crosstalk. Add to that the weed eater droning at 3000 decibels around the house and I can feel my shoulders hunch up to my ears. But I’m not sure that this isn’t just a normal day of overload unrelated to decreasing my BHRT (Bioidentical Hormone Replacement Therapy.)

I engage in calming tasks like cleaning off my desk space while wearing my noise canceling headphones, sucking serenity from my iPod meditative music playlist. Ahhhhhhh, Technology as tranquilizer. What a concept.

No word from Dr. A. I may be doing this alone. Unless someone else would like to join me?????????

Stay tuned, dear goddesses. I appreciate all support and suggestions. And chocolate.