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Is There Life After Menopause

By on July 23, 2010 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages, Menopause in Community

Transforming by lynette sheppard

God, I hope so! While I am officially post-menopausal, maladies of the change intrude every so often, capturing my attention and giving me fodder for the Menopause Goddess Blog. That was and is great.

Lately, though, I’ve been feeling restless. As the most annoying manifestations of the Big M fade into background noise, I ask myself “What’s Next?” “What will I be doing five years from now?” “Dear goddess, will I still be writing about the Pause?”

Driving to my daughter’s house last weekend, I broached the subject with my husband. “I want to write about other things that are more front and center for me and the Venuses now,” I told him. “But I sure don’t want to bail on my sister goddesses just beginning or in the midst of the Change. I’m confused and conflicted.”

“Why does it have to be either or?” he asked. “Keep the blog as is, write some about the Big M and add the relevant musings about being beyond the Pause.”

Well, duh. It was so obvious that I couldn’t see it.

So from here on out, there will be three basic themes that Menopause Goddess Blog addresses. All categories that we see now (and new ones to come) will fall under the heading of one of these three themes. The first theme is Menopause. The second is Aging Gracefully. The third is up to you all to title.

I want to focus on who we are becoming for our second half of life. What is our vision for the next fifty years? Who do we wish to be? What legacy, if any, shall we leave behind us?

At first, I thought to call this third theme “Midlife Matters”. Then my mate, Dewitt, oh so tactfully pointed out that technically I’m past midlife. (Thanks for that , sweetie.)

So I’m asking all my sister goddesses for help. Help me name this theme. And to sweeten the deal, let’s make it a contest. Submitter of the  best name choice will receive a signed copy of The Big M. And if you already have the book? Then your prize will be a lovely wooden Big M jewel box.

I’m excited to see what you all come up with. And excited to embark upon new topics as we grow together. And hey, if you have any topic ideas? Or want to offer a guest blog post? Send them on!

Comments { 8 }

Expectations and Stress: Menopause Goddesses and Coping

By on July 9, 2010 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages

Bowron Lakes, BC © lynette sheppard

There is nothing like a long vacation followed by a little jet lag to put your life in perspective. I know that I apologized for my dearth of blog posts in my last entry – and I was all set to do it again. But then I started to think………… (Thanks to the jet lag, I couldn’t do much else except suck wind on the couch and eat breakfast cereal at 3:00 am when I was prowling around wondering why I was awake.)

I noticed my stress level was rising, while energy and motivation were still in the toilet. I was quietly flipping out about bailing on my obligations, duties, and jobs. And then it hit me. Almost all of my deadlines and have-to-get-dones are self imposed.

In other words, I am stressing myself out. No one else is beating on me. Just me. What is it about women? How we can take on so much stuff and make it into have-tos or must-dos. There are enough of those with work and paying bills and so on that we shouldn’t be piling on to ourselves. And still we (and I) do.

So I started musing about what I actually need and want to do. Here’s a partial list of my must-do-or-know-that-I’ve-failed-miserably chores:

Post on Menopause Goddess blog once a week or more.

Answer everyone who contacts me via Facebook, email, etc for help and advice. (Really. I expected this of myself.)

Post to all the places I write guest blogs or health advice at least once a week – Examiner.com, VibrantNation.com , Wellsphere.com, Wegohealth.com, JaneNation.com.

Post every week to two weeks to my other blogs: Everyday Enneagram Blog, iPhone Diva, and Digital Diva Digital Dude.

Tweet daily or more.

Monitor Facebook, retweet good tweets, comment on my favorite bloggers and writers articles.

Then there’s the personal stuff:

Keep my house clean and company ready,

Practice hula daily – walk daily. Weights 3 x a week

Attend all social events when invited by friends, family, acquaintances.

Finish my new (already behind) projects: my new book, the Menopause Marketplace, podcasts, you tube page/videos.  Plan the kitchen remodel. Move ahead on photo projects.

Oh, and spend quality time with spouse daily.

Confronted with such a list, I feel guilty AND tired. So I’m scaling back my self imposed expectations. And this is my new list of jobs and obligations.

Post blogs as often as there is something to say – shoot for once a week, but no stress. No one is pushing me but ME.

Create lots of me time. That goes hand in hand with spending quality time with best friend/spouse.

Everything else may not exactly be optional, but the rest of the to-do’s are certainly not urgent or life threatening.

Eat well and exercise. Period.

Post when I can to accessory sites -  ideally but not absolutely once every 1-2 weeks

Pre schedule some useful tweets. Or not.

Attend social functions when rested and I want to, not as obligation or in gratitude that I was asked. As my dear friend and Time Management author Karen Leland says, We can always celebrate another time together if the actual party doesn’t work.”

Scan Facebook and Twitter twice weekly ( If it works).

Answer questions, leave comments, and offer help when I have the energy and time.  Let them know if I’m overextended and that they are welcome to try me again in the future. Nobody understands this more than Menopause Goddesses.

Spend quality time with friends and family.

Work on some new project(s) daily – set up a schedule. And cast it in jello instead of concrete.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. At least until I start overloading myself with self-imposed expectations again. I would greatly appreciate any and all ideas my sister goddesses might have to keep these loads light and manageable.

For now? I’m off to the beach with my beloved for some sunshine and serenity.

Comments { 12 }

A Vacation From Menopause

By on June 27, 2010 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages

Giverny Poppies © lynette sheppard

Greetings sister goddesses. I’ve been neglectful in my posting for a very good reason. I’m on vacation. Karen Venus and Theresa Venus and I spent a glorious nine days photographing in Monet’s garden in Giverny in a photo workshop taught by Mark Lissick of Wildlight Nature Photography and my own dear mate, Dewitt Jones. The photo of poppies was just one of the scrillions I took. And now I am in the Scottish Highlands on a romantic getaway with my spouse. Wifi is spotty at best, so I’ll just post my mea culpa and promise to get back on the saddle upon my return the first week of July. Wishing you all a ‘cool’ and comfortable summer. Au revoir for now.

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Menopause: A Time for Affirmation

By on May 25, 2010 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages


I am a huge advocate for enjoying a second childhood in the second half of our lives. In fact, if pressed, I’d have to say that this is my main goal for myself in the post menopausal years. I want to experience the joy and innocence, spontaneity and radiance of youth. Since I can’t have the body, I’ll have to settle for all the rest of the goodies.

Still, even though this is my main goal, I forget it for blocks of time. I get caught up in responsibility and duty, chores and unexpected glitches. Life, in other words. So I probably need to practice raising my energy and focusing my vision with some affirmations of delight.

And this video of young Jessica showed me the way. From the mouths of babes….

Jessica\’s Daily Affirmation

So. Here goes! I love my house. I love my island. I love cool breezes. I love my My Breeze fan. I love my Not-So-Hot purse fan. I love hula. I love my body, in all its imperfections, I love my Macintosh, I love my iPhone, I love my dog and my cats, I love my kids and husband and good friends.

I love walking. I love cleaning up. I love the smell of laundry. I love the high Sierra. I love my Kindle. I love words. I love blogs. I love my art. I love my parents and brother. I love my sister Menopause Goddesses near and far (More than you’ll ever know). I love being alive!

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Stopping HRT: A Menopause Goddess’s Daily Journal

By on April 21, 2010 in After the Pause, bioidentical hormones, Hormone Replacement Therapy


Day One of Operation Stop HRT

Dear diary,
Today, I cut my patch in half and secured the non-adhesive end with waterproof tape. I’ve felt virtuous all day. No symptoms or adverse effects at all – not that I expected any. Estrogen will store in fat tissue, and okay, I’ve got a little storage depot around my middle and in my thighs. I expect no real change for the first week or so. (And hopefully, no real changes after that!) Because I’m tired of change. I haven’t heard from Dr. A yet re: her progress.
Off to bed, and hopefully to uninterrupted sleep.

Day Two
Another good (read uneventful) day from a hormonal standpoint. Delighted that my waterproof tape is holding. No hot flashes or other Big M symptoms. It seemed like an especially hot night, though not enough to wake me. Felt so much better when my husband complained “Geez, it was hot last night.”. Yay. It’s not me.

Being religious about using my natural progesterone cream. Feeling like this might be easy, but know that there exist loads of shoes just waiting to drop when I get too cocky. Called the clinic and left message for Dr. A. to call me. Has she reconsidered (read Chickened Out)?

Day Three
Pretty good day. Not flashing or sweating. The only glitch I’ve noticed today is a slight shortening of my fuse. Our computer genius is on one phone line, my husband is on the other and the conversations are filling the house with competing crosstalk. Add to that the weed eater droning at 3000 decibels around the house and I can feel my shoulders hunch up to my ears. But I’m not sure that this isn’t just a normal day of overload unrelated to decreasing my BHRT (Bioidentical Hormone Replacement Therapy.)

I engage in calming tasks like cleaning off my desk space while wearing my noise canceling headphones, sucking serenity from my iPod meditative music playlist. Ahhhhhhh, Technology as tranquilizer. What a concept.

No word from Dr. A. I may be doing this alone. Unless someone else would like to join me?????????

Stay tuned, dear goddesses. I appreciate all support and suggestions. And chocolate.

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Colonoscopy: A Menopause Goddess Goes From Sissy to Serene

By on February 13, 2010 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages

statue double xp

All last week I was suffering from PCSD. That’s Pre Colonoscopy Stress Disorder.

It’s recommended that at age 50 all of us get a colonoscopy, to screen for colon cancer. In the abstract, it seems like a no brainer. Get checked out and either get a clean bill of health or catch disease early so it can be treated. End of story.

But when that fifth decade arrives, the abstract becomes concrete. That initial screening exam seems less like a great idea and more like a trip to Procrasti-Nation is needed. I thought about it when I turned 50, considered it a bit more seriously at age 51, blew it off at age 52, felt a little guilty at 53, and finally, at age 54, scheduled the damn thing.

Essentially, there were two parts of this procedure I wasn’t looking forward to. And no. One of them was not the tube shoved miles up my nether zones. Oddly enough, that didn’t bother me too much. Especially knowing I wouldn’t be awake for the event.

What bothered me was the prep and the anesthesia. First, I worried about the prep. To prepare for the flexible tube-snake to see and photograph your colon, you are required to drink a gallon of thick, salty sludge with the ridiculously inappropriate name of GoLytely. Because you don’t. Go Lytely. No, you go as hard as it is possible to go without actually turning your large intestine inside out and dragging it over your body like a chrysalis. I kid you not.

You drink the first half gallon starting at 4:00 pm the day prior to the exam – downing 8 ounces every 10 minutes. Then you pull up stakes and live in the bathroom for the next five hours.
Exhausted, you crawl to bed praying that Mom Nature won’t call you any more that night. You have no more left to give.

At 6:00 am, after flinging your abusive alarm across the room, you start the second half gallon, 8 oz every 10 minutes, and again take up residence in the bathroom.

The prep was as bad as I hoped it wouldn’t be. However, I was grateful that I didn’t have to be at the hospital until 11:00 am for obvious reasons.

Once in the special procedures room, a nurse started my IV, dressed me in a fetching open back frock, and hooked me up to monitors. No problem. Now all I had to do was wait. And fret. About the anesthesia.

Now the anesthesia for a colonoscopy is really called conscious sedation. Which means while you have no awareness or memory of the procedure (many mahalos for that), you are actually responsive and in what is called a twilight sleep. It’s short acting and you wake and leave shortly after the procedure.

Unfortunately, I am a bit of a control freak, so even a nice “twilight sleep” sounds like a nightmare to me. However, the alternative of being awake and aware of the tube-snake seemed much worse, so I was down for the full meal deal.

As they rolled me into the procedure room, I noticed my heart rate and blood pressure climbing. It’ll do that when you fret. A needle went into my IV and the next thing I knew was I was getting dressed, joking with the doctor and nurses, and in a very mellow mood. Especially after getting the clean bill of health. Didn’t remember a thing. Went home and let Dewitt wait on me.

So was it worth it? You bet! Wasted a lot of time worrying and fretting, though.

If you have yet to have your first colonoscopy, I have just two other bits of info that might help. First, make sure you have a warm robe and/or a space heater in the bathroom when you drink the prep. My girlfriend, Gena, told me that I’d feel chilled when I drank the GoLytely (because it’s refrigerated and diet is only clear liquids from breakfast on, etc.) Keeping warm definitely ups the comfort factor. (I was cold and I live in the tropics!)

Also, eat yogurt for a few days after the procedure. I was at my chiropractor’s office a couple days after my procedure and mentioned to him that it was really easy, but that I was feeling kind of crappy (no pun intended) in my lower intestinal area. “Are you eating yogurt?” he asked. Dumbstruck, I looked at him. Why hadn’t I thought of that? I had just cleaned out every single cell of normal bacteria out of my colon. Of course I needed some help getting back to normal. Duh!

Sure enough, a couple servings of yogurt and I was feeling perky again. So don’t wait, goddesses. Put on those big girl panties and schedule your colonoscopy. It’s one of those things that is so much easier in hindsight (pun intended) that you wonder why you waited so long to do it.

(For the best ever colonoscopy story, read Dave Barry’s essay: A journey into my colon — and yours.)

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Finding Your Passion…Or Just Passionettes

By on November 12, 2009 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages

butterfly blog51 IMG_6182

“I LIKE it but I just don’t know if it’s my PASSION.”  Finding a life’s passion was a theme for some of our early (and recent) discussions at the Venus meetings. Our dissections of this topic have had an urgency to them. After all, we are now officially in the second half of our lives and we don’t want to waste a single second. We spent a lot of time in the first half working and building career and family life.  Now we want to “find our passion.”

I’ve been musing more about this lately.  And it seems to me, we don’t need to find our passion, necessarily.  Passion sounds huge, momentous, important and weighty.  We had questions galore about the passion quest: Where do we look for it? How do we know when we’ve found it? How much of a commitment do we make to it.

A passion should by definition be GRAND.  Or should it?

What if we just had a lot of little passions, small pastimes we enjoyed and delighted in like gardening, biking, and wine-tasting (in Beej’s case) or photography, hula, and golf in mine. More like passionettes. That would sure take the pressure off – finding the ONE special thing that we not only are in LOVE with (read passionate about) but are willing to abandon ourselves to and actually become good at doing or performing. How about we just fall in like (and out if that’s how it works.)

If we were to allow ourselves full access to our delight in our small “likes” rather than that one great LOVE or passion, might we then be able to relax into pure joy and contentment? And in so doing, discover that our real passion is LIFE?

I’m not sure, but I feel so much more comfortable and “full” when I look at my passionettes in this way.  I’ll likely never be a good golfer, but I really like it. I don’t want to golf every day or obsess about my score.  I just want to get outside, breathe fresh air, hit some pretty shots and maybe break 100 now and again.

I love hula – it’s my spiritual practice as well as a dance. And a crossroads has opened before me – do I want to go further and become a teacher? And the answer would likely be yes if it was my ONE PASSION. If I’m honest with myself, I’d have to say it is not. I can go to church and worship without needing to become a minister.

This past week, I’ve been indulging in my photography passionette.  Jack Davis (of the Photoshop WOW books) taught a class here on Moloka`i, Hawai`i with my handsome hubby Dewitt Jones. I’ve been reveling in taking photos with no real goal or endpoint in mind -  just pure pleasure

In fact, now that I’m no longer looking at photography as something “serious” or my passion, I’m experiencing way more fun and freedom. And my favorite camera?  My iPhone – because with all the cool apps, I can shoot, collage, and push the creative envelope to my heart’s content, no holds barred. (Check out my Digital Diva and Digital Diva / Digital Dude iPhone art sites.)

So I’ve given up looking to find my PASSION.  When I have family, good friends, and my small but vibrant passionettes, nothing is missing.  Nothing at all.

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Can We Take a Do-Over? What We Wish We’d Done Differently

By on September 29, 2009 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages

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“If I knew then what I know now……” my elders often said when I was growing up. They never finished the sentence that I can remember, but nodded wisely at one another as if the continuation of the thought were telepathically understood. That partial sentence makes a lot more sense to me now and the goddesses have spent a fair amount of time reflecting on this look back.

As it turns out, we don’t have regrets exactly, but there are some situations looking back where we wish we could have a do-over. From our current perspective, we spent far too much time worrying, obsessing, perfecting, pushing, fearing, and procrastinating. We are sure we’d have created a different experience if we’d only known then what we know now.

The Venuses all wished they’d been freer and taken more chances. Looking back, we’d like to have experimented more, traveled more, enjoyed ourselves more.

In no particular order we wish we had danced, written, read, and made art. Playing an instrument, living abroad, learning a language, yoga and laughter also topped our do-over list as did spending time with family. We’d camp, hike, do yoga, and spent more quiet time without having to answer to anyone.

We wish we’d done a long river trip and joined the Peace Corps. Some of us wished we had been more active politically and taken strong stands when we felt so moved.

A universal wish was that we would have taken better care of our own needs. We would have liked to have been more open and kept the wide eyed wonder of youth. Trusting our intuition and judgment were options we wish we’d exercised.

We would have liked to try more time alone when we were younger, to get acquainted with ourselves before the demands of work and family overtook us.

Given what we know now, we would also choose to look at alternative ways of living, take time to develop our spiritual life, and “listen to the whispers.”

Our do-over would definitely include less cleaning, gossiping, and procrastinating. We would wish to be less controlling and critical. We wouldn’t neglect our own needs, we’d blame less and celebrate more, and we wouldn’t worry so much about appearances. We’d happily give up trying to do it all and we’d joyfully jettison the roles of victim and martyr.

Given the choice to go back and relive the past, we’d be bold, adventurous, loving, fearless, and balanced.

Luckily, the second half of life still awaits us – there may be time yet to realize our dreams. Instead of a do-over, we may be ready for a go ahead!

(Material partially adapted from my book “The Big M”. Click on the link below to buy the book – proceeds help support this website – thanks for your support!)

Buy The Big M

Comments { 7 }

Create Time To Be “Queen” Every Now and Then

By on July 22, 2009 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages, Positive Changes

aspen_leaf_stones

Jimmy Buffett sings “I just want to live happily ever after…..every now and then.” And we can create time to be Queen for a day every now and then, if not everyday. As promised, I’m bringing us all some help in doing this.

One of our very own Venuses, Karen Leland, has just released a fabulous new book on Time Management. (Co-authored with her business partner Keith Bailey.) In a recent interview, I asked her for a few of her tips on Time Management for Menopause Goddesses.

How can the working Menopause Goddess keep her work-life balance?

“I think the key for working Menopause Goddesses is to discover what their deepest contribution and passion is and to integrate that into their lives. For some, they are lucky enough to have that be what they do for a living. For others, they need to make a concerted effort to carve out time to practice their passion.

I find, as do many of the working Menopause Goddesses I talk to, that we have to protect the time we spend on our heart’s greatest passion and not let the continuous demand of the daily to-do list keep us from expressing our greatest creativity or fulfillment.”

What are the biggest challenges the working Menopause Goddess faces in having a balanced life?

“One of the biggest challenges we working goddesses are facing – especially in this economy – is that many of us have to keep working to earn a living, Even when at this time in our lives some of us would rather pursue other, more creative outlets. I find that I don’t have the same drive I used to when I was in my 20′s and 30′s. My priorities have really changed, so creating a balanced life, means not sacrificing my true heart’s calling just to earn a living.

For many Menopause Goddesses this means adjusting their lifestyle so they can still work, but not so intensely.”

What five small things can a goddess do to increase her work-life balance?

“In doing the research for my latest book “Time Management In An Instant”, I spoke to a lot of psychologists and sociologists who were examining the nature of how we work today. A few things become abundantly clear including:

1. Each day, determine the 3 things you must do, 2 things you want to do and 1 thing that will relieve some pressure if you do it. By doing this, you avoid simply doing the stuff that is ‘crisis’ oriented.

2. Don’t do email or social media first thing in the morning. It’s a black hole that can suck you in for hours and hours. Do your exercise, meditation etc. to set yourself up for the day.

3. Use time planning to block off specific days and times in your calendar when you are going to work on your passions and most important commitments. Rather than leave them to chance, schedule them.

4. Make dates with girlfriends to go for a walk, for coffee, out to lunch, see a movie etc. If you make a date, you are less likely to break it and it forces you to get some time away from working or producing.

5. Limit your goals. It’s always tempting at the beginning of the year to sit down and come up with a laundry list of goals to achieve, in a wide variety of areas. But really, most people can only focus on at most 3 goals at a time. By limiting your goals and really focusing on the most important 2 or 3 the chances of them happening are greatly increased.”

How do you keep your sense of work-life balance?

“Well, for me things like art, being in nature and personal writing, are my lifelines. I need to be doing something artistic or I’m just not a happy person to be living with.

I’ve worked my schedule out so that I work longer days, 4 days a week, but can take Fridays off. This is prime time for me to go for a walk with a friend, do photography, paint, write a personal essay etc… It really helps me to stay in balance and get a perspective when I do this.”

Do you feel that the onset of Menopause affects work-life balance?

“For me it has greatly affected it. I am still ambitious, I still have goals, I still enjoy working, but something has changed. I really don’t want to work with the same level of intensity I used to. As one of my Menopause Goddess friends said ‘our bodies just are not supposed to work that hard at this time in our lives.’ I think that is true. I have a much greater interest in slowing down reflecting, taking time to enjoy life than I did.”

Buy a copy of Time Management In An Instant the week of July 20th and receive a free license to view the Essential Email online course. To buy the book and claim your bonus, or just to buy the book go to: http://www.quality-service.com/timemanagementinaninstant

Karen Leland and Keith Bailey are the bestselling authors of six books including Time Management In An Instant: 60 Ways to Make the Most of Your Day. They are the co-founders of Sterling Consulting Group, which helps organizations and individuals learn how to fight distraction and find their focus in a wired world. For more information please contact: kleland@scgtraining.com

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Menopause Queen For A Day

By on July 20, 2009 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages, Positive Changes

Remember that old sixties television show "Queen For A Day"? Women competed to win the title along with roses and a grand prize such as a washer and dryer. Those grand prizes would be downright insulting to us daughters of the women’s lib movement. Give me a spa weekend or a fabulous dinner out, but DO NOT give me an appliance or housework aid. Sheesh.

I do know now what it is like to truly be "Queen For A Day". I went camping for a week in the High Sierra with my hubby Dewitt and dear friends, Don and Theresa Souers. On my birthday, we climbed up to this incredible lake.

Stunned into breathlessness by equal parts vista and oxygen molecule deprivation, I stood there just enjoying being Queen for the Day. I reveled in the best life has to offer: natural beauty, clear air, clean water (okay,we filtered it just in case, but you get the drift), good friends who know when to talk and when to be silent, and TIME.

Time. That glorious commodity that we were rich in as children. Days when we whined that there was nothing to do. And here we were revisiting such a day. A day without plans, agenda, or focus. It lasted soooooooooooo long. Hiking, photographing, junk food snacking, napping, reading, writing, more photographing, and spaghetti for dinner. Mmmmmmmm.

"What shall we do now?" we asked at intervals throughout the day. So many possibilities permeating that question. Such bounty and perfection. We sent ourselves outside to play, as if parenting ourselves.

Like kids, we barely combed our hair before throwing on mismatched clothes and jumping into playtime. We got scraped, muddy, and mosquito bit. We played in the water and sunned on the rocks. We lay down in a meadow, discovering shooting stars and Indian paintbrush as if for the first time.

We saw lynx tracks, marveled at the jewel toned flank of a golden trout, daydreamed as clouds drifted across a cerulean sky. This is what we most want: Time. Unstructured. Open. Free.

We’re all royalty when we take the time to look and enjoy our earthly "castles" – whether we are in the High Sierra, a local park or conservatory, or our own back yard. All we need is to STOP and enjoy. And if it is hard to find the time? If one actually feels they need to absent themselves as we just did to find that time? Well, on Wednesday (two days from now) one of our very own Venuses will share tips right here on Menopause Goddess Blog from her new book on time management. So we can all be "Queen For A Day."

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