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Aging Or Transforming: Which Are We Doing?

By on January 19, 2012 in Aging Gracefully, Life Changes & Stages

Flower Spiral © lynette sheppard

Aging is weird sometimes. It takes a bit of getting used to. Like when you suddenly become invisible in shops or restaurants while waiters pant over younger patrons. Or as Whoopi Goldberg noticed, “when you are never again going to be the hottest thing in the room”. Except thermally speaking. And those days when you pass a mirror or window and wonder who is that middle aged woman looking back before recognizing yourself.

And yet. And yet, there is so much that is wondrous and illuminating about the aging journey. Twenty some odd years ago, when aging was just an abstraction in my world, I chanced to see aging in a new and lovely way. Dear friend Bronwyn Cooke took her husband Rik’s slides of old cars and with musician Ron Lloyd created this poignant look at the beauty of aging, at metamorphosis. Thanks to YouTube, I can now share it with all of you. Enjoy.

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2012: I Have My Dancing Orders

By on January 8, 2012 in Life Changes & Stages

2012 is off to a great start and I have given myself my dancing (not marching) orders for the year vis a vis the thought-provoking questions from Robin Mascari posted in the last blog entry.

My poet-friend Kat posted not only the questions for year end and beginning, but her answers. (Check out her blog: Poetikat's Invisible Keepsakes.)  It was so enlightening to read them, like one of those emails that ask you to relay 4 things you like to eat, 4 places you've lived, etc. to friends, but way more juicy. I feel like I learned some new aspects of Kat - and so decided to share my own answers. Send some of your thoughts along if you get the chance, so our virtual community can get the chance to know you better.

COMPLETING AND REMEMBERING 2011
What was your biggest triumph in 2011?  iPhone photos in Aurora stock agency.
What was the smartest decision you made in 2011?
Release the big M as an ebook.
What one word best sums up and describes your 2011 experience? Re-Vision
What was the greatest lesson you learned in 2011?  Being skinny is not the same as being healthy.
What was the most loving service you performed in 2011? Being there for my friend and just listening thru many tearful phone calls.
What is your biggest piece of unfinished business in 2011?
Organizing my photos
What are you most happy about completing in 2011?
hmmmmm everything seems like a work in progress - oh painting inside of house white.
Who were the three people that had the greatest impact on your life in 2011?
Lauri Gwilt, dewitt,  the whole iphoneography group.
What was the biggest risk you took in 2011?
the HCG diet
What was the biggest surprise in 2011?
2 surprises: Lauri and the Palouse in Washington state
What important relationship improved the most in 2011?
not sure - my close relationships are nourishing and loving, not sure they “improve”
What compliment would you liked to have received in 2011?
my, you look so young (ha ha)
What compliment would you liked to have given in 2011?
I hope I gave them and held nothing back (see last year’s intentions)
What else do you need to do or say to be complete with 2011?
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ok, I’m pau (done).

CREATING 2012
What would you like to be your greatest triumph in 2012?
i honestly don’t know....... maybe remodel the kitchen.
What advice would you like to give yourself in 2012?
be present in the moment.
What is the major effort you are planning to improve your financial results in 2012?
Learning  Quicken. at last. And maybe online banking.
What would you be most happy about completing in 2012?
writing projects
What major indulgence are you willing to experience in 2012?
going to Venice
What would you like to change about yourself in 2012?
becoming vibrantly healthy (and thinner only if that goes with it - otherwise fit and fat.)
What are you looking forward to learning in 2012?
French - just enough to get by this summer.
What do you think will be your greatest risk in 2012?
opening my heart more
What about your work are you most committed to changing and improving in 2012?
organizing my photos, celebratory and nature writing
What is one as yet undeveloped talent you are willing to explore in 2012?
music
What brings you the most joy and how are you going to do or have more of that in 2012?
photography with Dewitt, hanging out with spouse and girlfriends, reading. Just gonna do it!
Who or what, other than yourself, are you most committed to loving and serving in 2012?
Dewitt
What one word would you like to have as your theme in 2012?
JOY!

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Remembering 2011 and Creating 2012: A Menopause Goddess Guide

By on December 29, 2011 in Life Changes & Stages

A New Dawn © lynette sheppard

It’s that time again – time to peek back at the year coming to a close and to look ahead to creating a brand new year.

I used to forget to look back at how much I had accomplished, enjoyed, and lived each year. I was much too focused on what lay ahead and how I might want to improve myself. You know: more exercise, better health habits, being more organized, blah blah blah.

About ten years ago, I started making “Done Lists” at the end of each year, in order to not only celebrate what I’d lived, but to freaking REMEMBER it! With the advent of menopause, remembering became a lost art, that needed a little nudge (I used my calendar to make notes all year and that helped me re-view what happened.)

After celebrating the passing year, it’s natural to then look ahead to the coming one. Every New Year’s eve, I have this delicious feeling of a clean slate with all possibilities open. Most of us goddesses don’t make New Year’s resolutions anymore. We know that particular activity to be a slippery, guilt-iced slope that will only irritate us in the long run. But we do create “intentions” or “wishes”. Sometimes, especially with menopause brain, it’s hard to get started or to focus on what we want to manifest next.

Friend and sister goddess, Robin Blanc Mascari shared with us two sets of simple yet profound questions. One set is designed to help guide us through re-viewing 2011 and the other is geared to helping us envision our own 2012. Enjoy them – I really did. Answer them all or just pick a couple that feel relevant. Perhaps you’ll think of other questions that we might ask ourselves – let us know your thoughts in the comments.

COMPLETING AND REMEMBERING 2011

What was your biggest triumph in 2011?

What was the smartest decision you made in 2011?

What one word best sums up and describes your 2011 experience?

What was the greatest lesson you learned in 2011?

What was the most loving service you performed in 2011?

What is your biggest piece of unfinished business in 2011?

What are you most happy about completing in 2011?

Who were the three people that had the greatest impact on your life in 2011?

What was the biggest risk you took in 2011?

What was the biggest surprise in 2011?

What important relationship improved the most in 2011?

What compliment would you liked to have received in 2011?

What compliment would you liked to have given in 2011?

What else do you need to do or say to be complete with 2011?

CREATING 2012

What would you like to be your greatest triumph in 2012?

What advice would you like to give yourself in 2012?

What is the major effort you are planning to improve your financial results in 2012?

What would you be most happy about completing in 2012?

What major indulgence are you willing to experience in 2012?

What would you like to change about yourself in 2012?

What are you looking forward to learning in 2012?

What do you think will be your greatest risk in 2012?

What about your work are you most committed to changing and improving in 2012?

What is one as yet undeveloped talent you are willing to explore in 2012?

What brings you the most joy and how are you going to do or have more of that in 2012?

Who or what, other than yourself, are you most committed to loving and serving in 2012?

What one word would you like to have as your theme in 2012?

Happy New Year to all menopausal and midlife goddesses! Here’s hoping that 2012 brings you peace, joy, and cooling breezes!

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Beauty Is Only Skin Deep – Or Is It?

By on October 17, 2011 in Aging Gracefully

 

Monet's Garden Bridge © lynette sheppard

 

“Seeking employment opportunity  as bridge guardian.Salary negotiable, but must include health benefits. No trestles or spans over large canyons, please, as applicant is afraid of heights.”

Okay, I probably won’t need to advertise for that job now that it has been 10 days since a basal cell skin cancer was removed from my left cheek. But the first couple of days? I surely qualified as troll with a capital T. Heck, I scared myself.

And now the stitches are out, I’m healing nicely, and people in the grocery store don’t look away from my face anymore.  Hallelujah.

I sent the photo of my face on Day 1 to one of the Goddesses, who immediately returned the favor with her own post skin cancer removal pic. We both looked like we’d been in bar fights – and lost!

So what’s my point here? Besides the blatant play for sympathy (thanks for the flowers, Theresa – and the presents, Mom.) My point is that we are all getting older. And those years in the sun with the baby oil and iodine when we were sweet young things? Well, as Grandma would say, the chickens are coming home to roost. Whatever that really means – Grandma could be seriously obtuse sometimes.

Make sure you see your dermatologist at least once a year for that comprehensive mole check. Wear sunscreen and hats when you go out. Since I was 20 and SPF factors became a happening thing, I’ve been careful about covering up and wearing sunscreen. Still, by then, much of the damage had already been done.  Hence, my Halloween-ready visage.

I did ask my surgeon if he might do a little face lift while he was at it. Alas, it wasn’t to be. And I gotta say, after this, I KNOW I won’t be getting one of those. This was trauma enough.

The good news is, the skin cancer is all gone.  In a few months, my doctor will laser my scar away. Thankfully, Menopause has pretty much done away with any vanity I once had. Life is good.

As we age, we will definitely have more health issues. That’s part of the deal. You live long enough and stuff will happen. What matters most is living fully, every moment, every day. And gratitude. Lots and lots of gratitude.

By the way, tomorrow – October 18 – is World Menopause Day. I wonder if Hallmark has a card for that…

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The Best Change Brought by Menopause

By on August 27, 2011 in Mental Menopause Symptoms

dandelion swirl © lynette sheppard

“I’m sorry about your weight,” said Marcia, the checker at my local Safeway.
“Wha… what?” I stammered, wondering if I’d worn pants that showed the two extra pounds I’d regained over my HCG diet weight.
“I know it took a long time, but her credit card wasn’t working and…”
I burst out laughing. “Oh, you’re sorry for the wait! If you knew what I heard…. I wanted to say that you couldn’t possibly be as sorry as I am… I’ve been practicing avoidance maneuvers to get around the scale in the bathroom.”
Marcia is a woman of Menopause Goddess persuasion and began to laugh, too.
“Don’t even go there,” she giggled. “I’m way ahead of you.”

Just when I was beginning to feel that I’d gotten a pretty good handle on the mental changes that have alternated between distressing and hilarious, I now find that my ability to process information is on the blink.

I’ve been taking my acetyl-l-carnitine religiously and my memory has been pretty good (for my age.) And I am definitely less spacy – the brain fog has  mostly cleared leaving just a few misty spots. I even caught a problem in a legal document recently that saved us a lot of time and trouble.

So while I wasn’t all the way to smug about my mental faculties, I felt like I could hold my head up pretty high.

Until today. When I had trouble understanding words in context in my native tongue.

I do think I have discovered the best thing about Menopause, though. It’s not the lack of monthly cycles (although that’s pretty good.) It’s not the transition to elder (with its assumption of wisdom, although that’s pretty good, too.) It’s not even the feeling of comfort in my loosening skin. (Although that’s great…just sayin’…)

Nope. The very best thing about Menopause is that I will be kept laughing for the rest of my life. Because what else can a Menopause Goddess do when confronted with the shifting sands of time? It is just so freaking funny. My sense of humor is in better shape than ever. Thank heavens something is!

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Getting Rid of Excess Baggage: A Menopause Goddess Idea

By on July 28, 2011 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages

Aerial salt desert Utah © lynette sheppard

I love traveling. I hate packing.

To me, a plane flight is like a bubble bath at 30,000 feet. No phone calls, no doorbells, no chores staring you in the face. Just peace and quiet in a semi-reclining seat. Time to daydream, read my books on the iPad, or make iPhone photo art out of the aerial landscapes below.

Packing, on the other hand, sucks. I try to take as little as possible but there are certain necessary maintenance items like vitamins, supplements, prescriptions.  Emollients, lotions, and yes, sex butter.

The worst part is the decision making. What to wear? What is really necessary and what will I wish fervently that I had remembered. Oh and remembering! That’s huge. I have to start at least a few days ahead of time in order to have time to remember all the things I’d have forgotten. Gone are the days of packing the night (or hour) before.

So I dither and fret and obsess.  And whine and complain and make multiple trips to the store or pharmacy. And every time I end up asking myself why it’s so hard? Is it just the post menopausal me? This is the herculean task I must accomplish every time to get to that bubble bath and the joyful journey waiting like a fluffy, warm towel at the end of the flight?

I might be the only one who feels this way, but in case I am not, here’s a new business I’m proposing. How about a service where you email ahead your sizes and styles needed in clothing plus any special needs like certain toiletries, travel hair dryer and/or curling iron, even a tripod for your camera.
When you arrive at the airport, voila. A packed to order suitcase which you use and turn in as you leave. And hey, no luggage fees. Which have gotten pretty steep and could help finance your Rent A Travel Wardrobe.

Seriously, while I cannot and will not start another business, I am soooooooooo available to consult on this idea. Gratis. Because I believe this is an enterprise that is long overdue. Hey, maybe we could even get the airlines to chip in with a lower ticket price if we promise to bring no bags.

Or maybe my Menopause Brain is just working overtime on non-essential thoughts and ideas. Then again………….

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Happy Rebirth Day

By on July 13, 2011 in Aging Gracefully, Life Changes & Stages

Nest Egg © lynette sheppard

These days I look forward to birthdays with equal parts trepidation, amazement, and delight. It seems they are coming around faster – didn’t I just turn 50 a day or two ago?

I’m amazed at all the changes, that’s for sure. And I’m generally delighted to celebrate with friends and family. Still, I fondly remember as a child when my mom would tell me that I could do (and eat) anything I wanted for my birthday. In my second adulthood, I realize that I miss that.

So I’ve decided to have a rebirth day. I’m picking a day where I literally do (yes, and eat) anything I want. A day of personal hedonism. I recently found out that my mom tries to set aside a day each week that she calls “Be Good To Betty Day”. Hmmmmm must be something in the genes.

I’m really enjoying the planning phase. So many possibilities. What would most feed my soul? What might contribute to my rebirth? Besides, if not now, when? I have to work (play) on what my second half of life is going to look like.

Thursday is the big day. Dewitt is on a business trip; I’m home alone. I’ll finish up chores and appointments before then and start up again on Friday.

I might go for a morning paddle on the lake while it is calm. Or get up early to photograph the wildflowers and hummingbirds in the forest fire burn area that is coming back to life. I’m thinking pancakes and bacon for breakfast. Then a little reading – maybe a hike. Scrabble with Theresa Venus might be an afternoon possibility. With wine, and of course chocolate.

I want really spicy food for dinner – Thai or Hunan. I’d like to read for awhile and watch the sunset. Maybe dance a little hula if I feel like it. Maybe not.

I’m hoping that this will be the first of many such days. I likely won’t be able to do one a week, but maybe one every month or two. I’m curious as to whether time will seem to be moving as fast or whether I can recapture the “endless” days of childhood.

Unstructured, delicious time. More nourishing than food. I want to consciously make this a part of my second adulthood. And unlike a child, I will be acutely aware of how precious each of these moments is.

What might your rebirth day look like? Or if not a whole day, a rebirth afternoon? A couple of hours? And can you create the time and space for your own small rebirth?

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5 Things I Freaking Love About Aging

By on June 26, 2011 in Aging Gracefully, Life Changes & Stages

Cloud Dreamin' © Dewitt Jones

Last week,  I talked about 5 things I hate about aging.  As promised, here’s the other side of that currency.

#1.  I don’t fret about how I look.
Let’s face it – at some point, all the fixin’ up in the world still yields decreased dividends. Like my own personal Wall Street.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not letting myself go. I don’t wish my personal stock market to do a Lehman Brothers faceplant. I believe in some minimal maintenance.  (okay not thirty something-type minimal. Minimal when you are in your fifties would be maximal at an earlier time of life.)

Still, it’s a great relief to realize that this is as good as it gets, appearance wise. So after that necessary minimal maintenance I’m not letting myself go; just allowing myself to be. And breathing, lots of breathing.

#2.  I don’t try to please everyone.
Or sometimes anyone. I do try to please me. I used to be last on my list. These days, I usually am in the top three. Sometimes, I’m even at numero uno. Yep, definitely making progress.

And here’s a major benefit to all who have to deal with me: when I please my self, I’m actually more pleasing to be around. Well, duh!!! Hey all you daughters and goddesses-in-training out there, take note. Do not wait until you are my age to learn this. It’s so freaking obvious, at least from my present vantage point.

#3.  I’m comfortable in my baggy dry skin.
Oh yeah, I have to admit that it’s a little alarming when I inadvertently photograph my neck wattle while fooling with my iPhone camera. But hey, that’s why the little trash can icon was created. And I make quick use of it in those unfortunate circumstances. (I guarantee you that you’ll NEVER see one of those photos on iPhone Diva…or anywhere else.  Just sayin’…)

Besides, there’s moisturizers, lotions, emollients, sunscreens, and wrinkle creams galore spread out before me like a giant oil-rich smorgasbord at just about every retail facility I frequent.  So no problem. I may not look great, but I won’t desiccate completely.

The point is that I love being a middle aged Menopause Goddess. I never felt so comfortable being, well..me.. at any other age. (When in my twenties, thirties, and even early forties by the way, I was perfect on the outside and just didn’t know it. Daughters and goddesses-in-training, take another note. You are perfect, you are gorgeous, don’t waste this time worrying about how you look!)

And now that I’m less concerned about how I look or appear externally, I place much more attention on who I am becoming internally. And I gotta say that I’m beginning to like her, the fifty-something version of Lynette. Still a work in progress but we’re definitely onto something here.

#4.  I waste time without feeling guilty
Actually, I don’t consider unstructured time “wasted” time anymore. Time spent contemplating, daydreaming, reading (I do lots of reading which I can justify as being absolutely necessary for any writer, but I love it too much to consider it prep or work of any kind.), wandering through the woods or up the road, staring out the windows at clouds, birds, sky, nothing; – all of these are beginning to seem like the absolute best use of time imaginable. And the loss of the guilt? I’m not accomplishing or getting things done or fill-in-the-blank here. So what? This is how this menopausal woman is working toward Goddess. I DO enough – time to BE as well.

#5.  I try new things without fear of failure.
Here’s the great and glorious truth that I have learned. The failure police won’t come after me if I mess up. So what’s holding me back? Nothing. I don’t mind looking foolish (see #1 again.)

So I’m happy to jump in to new pursuits with both feet (carefully if it is truly physical – I don’t want to break.) Otherwise the sky is the limit – new photo technology, new art forms, dance, learning a language, and more.

So I suck. So what? I’ll get better eventually. The important things are that I’m branching out and experimenting, doing things I never thought I’d try, exercising my mind and stimulating my creative juices. And I am having a buttload of fun.

So yes, I love these five things about aging. I’m sure there will be more to love in the coming years. How about you all, goddesses? What do you like about growing older? Let us know right here in the comments. For now, I’m off to do finish reading Steven Tyler’s autobiography “Does The Noise In My Head Bother You?”.  Purely for research purposes…not!

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5 Things I Don’t Like About Aging

By on June 16, 2011 in Aging Gracefully


The other day on the golf course, I ran into a hula sister that I hadn’t seen in a long time. We caught up on each other’s lives; talking story the way island people do. She wasn’t dancing hula just then; I still was; the weather sure had been weird; she was still landscaping for folks on the West End, I was still writing about Menopause and more; did we think the wind farm would happen, etc.

She changed position and winced. “I hate the aches of aging, that’s for sure.” I agreed.

5 Things I Don’t Like About Aging

#1. Wrinkles
I slather myself with Lancome High Resolution anti-wrinkle cream and zap my self with a galvanic spa that delivers microvoltage with lotion to further smooth out the crevices of age. And with that, I can say that I look pretty good…wait for it…for my age. The crepey neck thing is another story – turtleneck tops are just not an option in the tropics.

#2. Aches and Pains
Sure, I had aches and pains when I was much younger – usually they were the result of some sports debacle like being catapulted over my sail when windsurfing. There was some glory and a great story while I healed. Now, I will wake up aching for no discernible reason other than it’s Monday. And believe me, no one wants to hear the story of sore joints or cranky muscles unattached to a specific adventure.

#3. Dry skin
I need to liberally apply moisturizer even in the tropics. And when I am in desiccating Lake Tahoe for the summer? Bathing in the stuff wouldn’t be enough. And of course, the dryness makes wrinkles and the wattle so much more noticeable. (See # 1.)

#4. More Tentative Physically
While I will still cross a stream on rocks or logs, I now stop and think long and hard about how I will do it. I no longer jump off small ledges – because my knees and ankles just are not as strong and limber as they once were. So I’m much more careful. And tentative. And smart, too. Because as Theresa Venus has pointed out: “We used to bounce, now we might break.” Still, I miss the feeling of pure physicality and knowing I could do anything without thinking about it.”

#5. I can’t think of a fifth one right now, oh wait, yeah, Short Term Memory Sucks.
Sooooooooooo I make lists and counterlists and backup lists and ultimate last resort lists. Now if I could just remember where I put those freaking lists…

Surely there are more things about aging that we find annoying or distressing. But my hula sister and I shared our biggest secret. We LOVE being this age and wouldn’t go back for anything. Stay tuned for the next blog post where I’ll list the 5 things I love about being the age of a post menopause goddess.

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Menopause Attention Deficit Disorder

By on April 30, 2011 in Mental Menopause Symptoms

River Eddy ©lynette sheppard

Theresa Venus sent me this horrifically funny clip about a woman of a certain maturity. Yes, I said horrifically. Because this video describes too much of this Menopause Goddess’s life. Maybe yours too?

I wrote about this phenomenon back in 2007 claiming that HDD (Hormonal Deficit Disorder) leads to Menopausal ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). While I can honestly say that the severity of the ADD has eased, I still have days that are reminiscent of being caught in eddies on a river. You know eddies. Those parts of the river, usually behind some obstruction near the bank, where the water swirls around in a circle actually heading upstream of the normal flow. Every good river boater knows that you can lose a lot of time and momentum in eddies.

One thing I have learned in my five plus decades as a woman and a river runner: don’t fight the current. Work with it, harness its power, use it to your advantage, and try to achieve some degree of harmony with the flow. Struggle never works. It will exhaust you and you won’t achieve the desired result anyway. We are not in control. And maybe that’s a good thing.

So on those days when my attention gets caught in multiple eddies, I just become part of the flow. And try not to leave anything burning on the stove.

“I confirm the subscription of this blog to the Paperblog service under the username lynettesheppard”

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