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Aging Or Transforming: Which Are We Doing?

By on January 19, 2012 in Aging Gracefully, Life Changes & Stages

Flower Spiral © lynette sheppard

Aging is weird sometimes. It takes a bit of getting used to. Like when you suddenly become invisible in shops or restaurants while waiters pant over younger patrons. Or as Whoopi Goldberg noticed, “when you are never again going to be the hottest thing in the room”. Except thermally speaking. And those days when you pass a mirror or window and wonder who is that middle aged woman looking back before recognizing yourself.

And yet. And yet, there is so much that is wondrous and illuminating about the aging journey. Twenty some odd years ago, when aging was just an abstraction in my world, I chanced to see aging in a new and lovely way. Dear friend Bronwyn Cooke took her husband Rik’s slides of old cars and with musician Ron Lloyd created this poignant look at the beauty of aging, at metamorphosis. Thanks to YouTube, I can now share it with all of you. Enjoy.

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2012: I Have My Dancing Orders

By on January 8, 2012 in Life Changes & Stages

2012 is off to a great start and I have given myself my dancing (not marching) orders for the year vis a vis the thought-provoking questions from Robin Mascari posted in the last blog entry.

My poet-friend Kat posted not only the questions for year end and beginning, but her answers. (Check out her blog: Poetikat's Invisible Keepsakes.)  It was so enlightening to read them, like one of those emails that ask you to relay 4 things you like to eat, 4 places you've lived, etc. to friends, but way more juicy. I feel like I learned some new aspects of Kat - and so decided to share my own answers. Send some of your thoughts along if you get the chance, so our virtual community can get the chance to know you better.

COMPLETING AND REMEMBERING 2011
What was your biggest triumph in 2011?  iPhone photos in Aurora stock agency.
What was the smartest decision you made in 2011?
Release the big M as an ebook.
What one word best sums up and describes your 2011 experience? Re-Vision
What was the greatest lesson you learned in 2011?  Being skinny is not the same as being healthy.
What was the most loving service you performed in 2011? Being there for my friend and just listening thru many tearful phone calls.
What is your biggest piece of unfinished business in 2011?
Organizing my photos
What are you most happy about completing in 2011?
hmmmmm everything seems like a work in progress - oh painting inside of house white.
Who were the three people that had the greatest impact on your life in 2011?
Lauri Gwilt, dewitt,  the whole iphoneography group.
What was the biggest risk you took in 2011?
the HCG diet
What was the biggest surprise in 2011?
2 surprises: Lauri and the Palouse in Washington state
What important relationship improved the most in 2011?
not sure - my close relationships are nourishing and loving, not sure they “improve”
What compliment would you liked to have received in 2011?
my, you look so young (ha ha)
What compliment would you liked to have given in 2011?
I hope I gave them and held nothing back (see last year’s intentions)
What else do you need to do or say to be complete with 2011?
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ok, I’m pau (done).

CREATING 2012
What would you like to be your greatest triumph in 2012?
i honestly don’t know....... maybe remodel the kitchen.
What advice would you like to give yourself in 2012?
be present in the moment.
What is the major effort you are planning to improve your financial results in 2012?
Learning  Quicken. at last. And maybe online banking.
What would you be most happy about completing in 2012?
writing projects
What major indulgence are you willing to experience in 2012?
going to Venice
What would you like to change about yourself in 2012?
becoming vibrantly healthy (and thinner only if that goes with it - otherwise fit and fat.)
What are you looking forward to learning in 2012?
French - just enough to get by this summer.
What do you think will be your greatest risk in 2012?
opening my heart more
What about your work are you most committed to changing and improving in 2012?
organizing my photos, celebratory and nature writing
What is one as yet undeveloped talent you are willing to explore in 2012?
music
What brings you the most joy and how are you going to do or have more of that in 2012?
photography with Dewitt, hanging out with spouse and girlfriends, reading. Just gonna do it!
Who or what, other than yourself, are you most committed to loving and serving in 2012?
Dewitt
What one word would you like to have as your theme in 2012?
JOY!

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Remembering 2011 and Creating 2012: A Menopause Goddess Guide

By on December 29, 2011 in Life Changes & Stages

A New Dawn © lynette sheppard

It’s that time again – time to peek back at the year coming to a close and to look ahead to creating a brand new year.

I used to forget to look back at how much I had accomplished, enjoyed, and lived each year. I was much too focused on what lay ahead and how I might want to improve myself. You know: more exercise, better health habits, being more organized, blah blah blah.

About ten years ago, I started making “Done Lists” at the end of each year, in order to not only celebrate what I’d lived, but to freaking REMEMBER it! With the advent of menopause, remembering became a lost art, that needed a little nudge (I used my calendar to make notes all year and that helped me re-view what happened.)

After celebrating the passing year, it’s natural to then look ahead to the coming one. Every New Year’s eve, I have this delicious feeling of a clean slate with all possibilities open. Most of us goddesses don’t make New Year’s resolutions anymore. We know that particular activity to be a slippery, guilt-iced slope that will only irritate us in the long run. But we do create “intentions” or “wishes”. Sometimes, especially with menopause brain, it’s hard to get started or to focus on what we want to manifest next.

Friend and sister goddess, Robin Blanc Mascari shared with us two sets of simple yet profound questions. One set is designed to help guide us through re-viewing 2011 and the other is geared to helping us envision our own 2012. Enjoy them – I really did. Answer them all or just pick a couple that feel relevant. Perhaps you’ll think of other questions that we might ask ourselves – let us know your thoughts in the comments.

COMPLETING AND REMEMBERING 2011

What was your biggest triumph in 2011?

What was the smartest decision you made in 2011?

What one word best sums up and describes your 2011 experience?

What was the greatest lesson you learned in 2011?

What was the most loving service you performed in 2011?

What is your biggest piece of unfinished business in 2011?

What are you most happy about completing in 2011?

Who were the three people that had the greatest impact on your life in 2011?

What was the biggest risk you took in 2011?

What was the biggest surprise in 2011?

What important relationship improved the most in 2011?

What compliment would you liked to have received in 2011?

What compliment would you liked to have given in 2011?

What else do you need to do or say to be complete with 2011?

CREATING 2012

What would you like to be your greatest triumph in 2012?

What advice would you like to give yourself in 2012?

What is the major effort you are planning to improve your financial results in 2012?

What would you be most happy about completing in 2012?

What major indulgence are you willing to experience in 2012?

What would you like to change about yourself in 2012?

What are you looking forward to learning in 2012?

What do you think will be your greatest risk in 2012?

What about your work are you most committed to changing and improving in 2012?

What is one as yet undeveloped talent you are willing to explore in 2012?

What brings you the most joy and how are you going to do or have more of that in 2012?

Who or what, other than yourself, are you most committed to loving and serving in 2012?

What one word would you like to have as your theme in 2012?

Happy New Year to all menopausal and midlife goddesses! Here’s hoping that 2012 brings you peace, joy, and cooling breezes!

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Getting Rid of Excess Baggage: A Menopause Goddess Idea

By on July 28, 2011 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages

Aerial salt desert Utah © lynette sheppard

I love traveling. I hate packing.

To me, a plane flight is like a bubble bath at 30,000 feet. No phone calls, no doorbells, no chores staring you in the face. Just peace and quiet in a semi-reclining seat. Time to daydream, read my books on the iPad, or make iPhone photo art out of the aerial landscapes below.

Packing, on the other hand, sucks. I try to take as little as possible but there are certain necessary maintenance items like vitamins, supplements, prescriptions.  Emollients, lotions, and yes, sex butter.

The worst part is the decision making. What to wear? What is really necessary and what will I wish fervently that I had remembered. Oh and remembering! That’s huge. I have to start at least a few days ahead of time in order to have time to remember all the things I’d have forgotten. Gone are the days of packing the night (or hour) before.

So I dither and fret and obsess.  And whine and complain and make multiple trips to the store or pharmacy. And every time I end up asking myself why it’s so hard? Is it just the post menopausal me? This is the herculean task I must accomplish every time to get to that bubble bath and the joyful journey waiting like a fluffy, warm towel at the end of the flight?

I might be the only one who feels this way, but in case I am not, here’s a new business I’m proposing. How about a service where you email ahead your sizes and styles needed in clothing plus any special needs like certain toiletries, travel hair dryer and/or curling iron, even a tripod for your camera.
When you arrive at the airport, voila. A packed to order suitcase which you use and turn in as you leave. And hey, no luggage fees. Which have gotten pretty steep and could help finance your Rent A Travel Wardrobe.

Seriously, while I cannot and will not start another business, I am soooooooooo available to consult on this idea. Gratis. Because I believe this is an enterprise that is long overdue. Hey, maybe we could even get the airlines to chip in with a lower ticket price if we promise to bring no bags.

Or maybe my Menopause Brain is just working overtime on non-essential thoughts and ideas. Then again………….

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Happy Rebirth Day

By on July 13, 2011 in Aging Gracefully, Life Changes & Stages

Nest Egg © lynette sheppard

These days I look forward to birthdays with equal parts trepidation, amazement, and delight. It seems they are coming around faster – didn’t I just turn 50 a day or two ago?

I’m amazed at all the changes, that’s for sure. And I’m generally delighted to celebrate with friends and family. Still, I fondly remember as a child when my mom would tell me that I could do (and eat) anything I wanted for my birthday. In my second adulthood, I realize that I miss that.

So I’ve decided to have a rebirth day. I’m picking a day where I literally do (yes, and eat) anything I want. A day of personal hedonism. I recently found out that my mom tries to set aside a day each week that she calls “Be Good To Betty Day”. Hmmmmm must be something in the genes.

I’m really enjoying the planning phase. So many possibilities. What would most feed my soul? What might contribute to my rebirth? Besides, if not now, when? I have to work (play) on what my second half of life is going to look like.

Thursday is the big day. Dewitt is on a business trip; I’m home alone. I’ll finish up chores and appointments before then and start up again on Friday.

I might go for a morning paddle on the lake while it is calm. Or get up early to photograph the wildflowers and hummingbirds in the forest fire burn area that is coming back to life. I’m thinking pancakes and bacon for breakfast. Then a little reading – maybe a hike. Scrabble with Theresa Venus might be an afternoon possibility. With wine, and of course chocolate.

I want really spicy food for dinner – Thai or Hunan. I’d like to read for awhile and watch the sunset. Maybe dance a little hula if I feel like it. Maybe not.

I’m hoping that this will be the first of many such days. I likely won’t be able to do one a week, but maybe one every month or two. I’m curious as to whether time will seem to be moving as fast or whether I can recapture the “endless” days of childhood.

Unstructured, delicious time. More nourishing than food. I want to consciously make this a part of my second adulthood. And unlike a child, I will be acutely aware of how precious each of these moments is.

What might your rebirth day look like? Or if not a whole day, a rebirth afternoon? A couple of hours? And can you create the time and space for your own small rebirth?

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5 Things I Freaking Love About Aging

By on June 26, 2011 in Aging Gracefully, Life Changes & Stages

Cloud Dreamin' © Dewitt Jones

Last week,  I talked about 5 things I hate about aging.  As promised, here’s the other side of that currency.

#1.  I don’t fret about how I look.
Let’s face it – at some point, all the fixin’ up in the world still yields decreased dividends. Like my own personal Wall Street.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not letting myself go. I don’t wish my personal stock market to do a Lehman Brothers faceplant. I believe in some minimal maintenance.  (okay not thirty something-type minimal. Minimal when you are in your fifties would be maximal at an earlier time of life.)

Still, it’s a great relief to realize that this is as good as it gets, appearance wise. So after that necessary minimal maintenance I’m not letting myself go; just allowing myself to be. And breathing, lots of breathing.

#2.  I don’t try to please everyone.
Or sometimes anyone. I do try to please me. I used to be last on my list. These days, I usually am in the top three. Sometimes, I’m even at numero uno. Yep, definitely making progress.

And here’s a major benefit to all who have to deal with me: when I please my self, I’m actually more pleasing to be around. Well, duh!!! Hey all you daughters and goddesses-in-training out there, take note. Do not wait until you are my age to learn this. It’s so freaking obvious, at least from my present vantage point.

#3.  I’m comfortable in my baggy dry skin.
Oh yeah, I have to admit that it’s a little alarming when I inadvertently photograph my neck wattle while fooling with my iPhone camera. But hey, that’s why the little trash can icon was created. And I make quick use of it in those unfortunate circumstances. (I guarantee you that you’ll NEVER see one of those photos on iPhone Diva…or anywhere else.  Just sayin’…)

Besides, there’s moisturizers, lotions, emollients, sunscreens, and wrinkle creams galore spread out before me like a giant oil-rich smorgasbord at just about every retail facility I frequent.  So no problem. I may not look great, but I won’t desiccate completely.

The point is that I love being a middle aged Menopause Goddess. I never felt so comfortable being, well..me.. at any other age. (When in my twenties, thirties, and even early forties by the way, I was perfect on the outside and just didn’t know it. Daughters and goddesses-in-training, take another note. You are perfect, you are gorgeous, don’t waste this time worrying about how you look!)

And now that I’m less concerned about how I look or appear externally, I place much more attention on who I am becoming internally. And I gotta say that I’m beginning to like her, the fifty-something version of Lynette. Still a work in progress but we’re definitely onto something here.

#4.  I waste time without feeling guilty
Actually, I don’t consider unstructured time “wasted” time anymore. Time spent contemplating, daydreaming, reading (I do lots of reading which I can justify as being absolutely necessary for any writer, but I love it too much to consider it prep or work of any kind.), wandering through the woods or up the road, staring out the windows at clouds, birds, sky, nothing; – all of these are beginning to seem like the absolute best use of time imaginable. And the loss of the guilt? I’m not accomplishing or getting things done or fill-in-the-blank here. So what? This is how this menopausal woman is working toward Goddess. I DO enough – time to BE as well.

#5.  I try new things without fear of failure.
Here’s the great and glorious truth that I have learned. The failure police won’t come after me if I mess up. So what’s holding me back? Nothing. I don’t mind looking foolish (see #1 again.)

So I’m happy to jump in to new pursuits with both feet (carefully if it is truly physical – I don’t want to break.) Otherwise the sky is the limit – new photo technology, new art forms, dance, learning a language, and more.

So I suck. So what? I’ll get better eventually. The important things are that I’m branching out and experimenting, doing things I never thought I’d try, exercising my mind and stimulating my creative juices. And I am having a buttload of fun.

So yes, I love these five things about aging. I’m sure there will be more to love in the coming years. How about you all, goddesses? What do you like about growing older? Let us know right here in the comments. For now, I’m off to do finish reading Steven Tyler’s autobiography “Does The Noise In My Head Bother You?”.  Purely for research purposes…not!

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The Rear View And The Road Ahead for Menopause Goddesses

By on December 30, 2010 in Life Changes & Stages

Papohaku Beach Sunset, Molokai © lynette sheppard

It’s that time again – time to peek back at the year coming to a close and to look ahead to creating a brand new year.

I used to forget to look back at how much I had accomplished, enjoyed, and lived each year. I was much too focused on what lay ahead and how I might want to improve myself. You know: more exercise, better health habits, being more organized, blah blah blah.

About ten years ago, I started making “Done Lists” at the end of each year, in order to not only celebrate what I’d lived, but to freaking REMEMBER it! With the advent of menopause, remembering became a lost art, that needed a little nudge (I used my calendar to make notes all year and that helped me re-view what happened.)

My “Done Lists” evolved into Ta Da lists (a great replacement for To Do lists.).

Still, after celebrating the passing year, it’s natural to then look ahead to the coming one. Every New Year’s eve, I have this delicious feeling of a clean slate with all possibilities open.

Most of us goddesses don’t make New Year’s resolutions anymore. We know that particular activity to be a slippery, guilt-iced slope that will only irritate us in the long run. But we do create “intentions” or “wishes”. Sometimes, especially with menopause brain, it’s hard to get started or to focus on what we want to manifest next.

A few years ago, sister goddess Robin Blanc Mascari shared with us two sets of simple yet profound questions. One set is designed to help guide us through re-viewing the year just passing and the other is geared to helping us envision the coming year. It seemed time to revisit them. The answers might be very illuminating.

And if there seem to be an overwhelming amount of questions? (Which can make it seem like more of another chore than a graceful looking back and forward.) Just choose 5 to answer.

I originally chose 5 and ended up so curious, that I answered them all. A pdf copy is available at the end of this blog entry   download.

COMPLETING AND REMEMBERING 2010

What was your biggest triumph in 2010?

What was the smartest decision you made in 2010?

What one word best sums up and describes your 2010 experience?

What was the greatest lesson you learned in 2010?

What was the most loving service you performed in 2010?

What is your biggest piece of unfinished business in 2010?

What are you most happy about completing in 2010?

Who were the three people that had the greatest impact on your life in 2010?

What was the biggest risk you took in 2010?

What was the biggest surprise in 2010?

What important relationship improved the most in 2010?

What compliment would you liked to have received in 2010?

What compliment would you liked to have given in 2010?

What else do you need to do or say to be complete with 2010?

CREATING 2011

What would you like to be your greatest triumph in 2011?

What advice would you like to give yourself in 2011?

What is the major effort you are planning to improve your financial results in 2011?

What would you be most happy about completing in 2011?

What major indulgence are you willing to experience in 2011?

What would you like to change about yourself in 2011?

What are you looking forward to learning in 2011?

What do you think will be your greatest risk in 2011?

What about your work are you most committed to changing and improving in 2011?

What is one as yet undeveloped talent you are willing to explore in 2011?

What brings you the most joy and how are you going to do or have more of that in 2011?

Who or what, other than yourself, are you most committed to loving and serving in 2011?

What one word would you like to have as your theme in 2011?

Happy New Year to all you menopausal and midlife goddesses! Here’s hoping that 2011 brings you peace, joy, and cooling breezes!

year end questions

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Peace: A Wish For Menopause Goddesses

By on December 23, 2010 in Life Changes & Stages

Hawaiian snow globe

‘Tis the season. Shopping, baking, decorating, wrapping, cleaning, tagging, lighting. It’s wonderful. Exhilarating. And sometimes exhausting. Even irritating.

The traffic. Rampant consumerism. Obligatory party invites. Whining (and wining) can creep into our conversations. And then we come back to the meaning of the season.

I love the music at Christmas time. And I love Hawai`ian music. So when you mix the two, I am in ecstasy. One of my favorite Hawai`ian songwriter/singers, Keali`i Reichel, released a new album this year called Maluhia (Peace in Hawai`ian.).

As uplifted and delighted as I was by the musical offerings on the CD, I was even more struck by the message he wrote on the inside cover. And so I want to share it with all of you.

“Aloha No I Ka Nani O Ke Au Maluhia”

This remarkable au maluhia, season of peace, is more than a ritual birthday commemoration, for it touches those of all different theologies and extends far beyond a particular holiday or a block of the calendar. It’s more of a mindset, a spirit that pervades the things we do, the ways we do them, and the people we reach out to and surround ourselves with.

The season is embodied in smiles that well up in the heart and bloom forth on the faces of children and grownups alike. Good will unfurls in our homes and neighborhoods as festive decorations and twinkling lights are put in place with no other purpose than to delight friends and passers-by. Presents, wrapped, ribboned, and offered up with joy, are mere manifestations of the smiles and good feelings within.

The sounds of the season generate a random chorus of giggles and laughter, hearty greetings and warm welcomes. These happy sounds all mix in with the songs of the season like an extended carol whose refrain goes on through the year’s end and into the year’s renewal.

It brings renewal for us all, along with affirmation of the love that we share with our own and those beyond. The care and compassion are in the fabric of our everyday lives, but they become more apparent, to ourselves and others, during this wonderful season of joy. The affirmation is important, for it is the love we share that makes it all worthwhile.”

Oh yes, what he said. Wishing aloha and maluhia to all of you this holiday season and in the coming years of our second act. Mele Kalikimaka (Merry Christmas in Hawai`ian.) And a joyful Solstice, Happy Hanukkah, wondrous Kwanzaa.

You can find Keali`i Reichel and other Hawai`ian music CD’s at mele.com.

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Menopause and Giving in to the Mystery

By on November 21, 2010 in Aging Gracefully, Life Changes & Stages

Zion NP © lynette sheppard

Early in my Menopause transition (euphemism for hellish maelstrom of horrifying hormonal events), so many things bothered me that I couldn’t keep count.

As the preliminary WTF freakouts of perimenopause and volcanic upheavals of The Big M are now mostly in my rear view mirror, I realize that some irritants that used to upset me simply don’t any longer. And that’s a real blessing.

For example, I used to be confounded and annoyed by the backhanded compliment “You look good…for your age.” Now, heck, I’ll take any compliment I can get without overanalyzing it for nuance or even honesty. I’ll just focus on the “look good” part and thank the complimenter with sincere gratitude.

Being called ma’am initially was both disconcerting and horrifying. My mom is ma’am. And she just barely. I felt old and frumpy every time I was addressed in this fashion usually by someone only recently out of diapers, waiting on me in the store or bank.

But now, I gotta say, I’m okay with ma’am. You might say I’ve grown into it. Ma’am. Short for madam – now there’s a racy little thought. And when someone calls me “Miss”? I know they’re just sucking up or trying to sell me something. I no way qualify for “Miss”  anymore. Another thing in my rear view mirror and I don’t really miss it.

I’ve heard some of my friends and sister goddesses over the years complain about being invisible. And I’ve certainly experienced that evanescence myself when a clerk looks right past me to wait on some hot young woman. “Hey!” I’d want to yell. “I”m right here taking up space. Service me – or at least wait on me.” (No I never did yell, I’d just clear my throat and say, “Excuse me, I believe I was here first.” Which either worked or didn’t.

However, now in my post menopausal incarnation, I find that I enjoy a certain anonymity, thanks to this decreasing visibility. I can slip in and out of places faster than a greased pig. Hawkers on the street miss giving me flyers. I love that.

And if I’m having a bad hair day? Or a fat day? Who cares? I’m invisible in the very best way and can just go about my business, carefree and happy. I don’t have an image to keep up. I’m ma’am now, remember?

No, I’m not letting myself go – just letting myself be. So much easier when you aren’t noticed that much anymore. Whew, what a relief.

Forgetting things drove me absolutely stark staring mad in the beginning of my transition. Not so anymore. I’m used to it. I have Rube Goldbergian workarounds to make my life work these days. I am the Queen of ritual and OCD in organizing stuff.

I just can’t trust my formerly prodigious memory any longer to pick up the slack. And honestly, I can’t get all worked up about it anymore. I exercise my brain as well as my body but neither are going to be in Olympic condition any time soon. Or ever. Hence the workarounds.

Lastly, not knowing the why of things sent me into an info gathering tailspin. Not all bad. I’ve learned (and shared) so much about the crazy Menopause journey through my incessant desire for understanding. And while I can learn and understand a lot? Some things will remain incomprehensible. Maybe forever.

Like why I had hot flashes to the point of nausea and my friend Susan had nary a flush. Or why black cohosh works for some and not others. Or why I and others lose our hair while some women boast luxurious manes all their lives.

Overall, I’ve come to an acceptance that some things may never be clear. In a sense, I’m on a need-to-know basis – and apparently the great mystery has decided that I don’t really need to know. So be it.

Maybe the biggest change is this: I’m just going to enjoy the Mystery, however it plays out, whatever challenges or wonders await me ‘round the next bend. That might be one of the secrets to aging gracefully. Maybe not. Then again, maybe.

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Who Are We Now After Menopause?

By on October 10, 2010 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages, Menopause in Community

Goddess Becoming © lynette sheppard

Last blog post, we focused on getting what we really want. Wanting, even defining may not be enough. As we create the second half of our lives, we may have to let go of some previously cherished identities; stories we tell ourselves about ourselves.

The Venuses pondered this quandary in our third meeting, a week long exploration in Hawai`i. The following exercise provided tears, laughter, and enlightenment.  (excerpted from “The Big M”,  Humor, Heart, and Help For the Menopausal Journey.”)

“Cultivating A New Relationship with Ourselves

The mantra of midlife women “I just don’t feel like ME anymore” serves as an call to awakening. Who WAS I?  More important,  who AM I now?  Perhaps our increased need for time alone has a purpose.  We need to become acquainted with the changeling emerging from the upheaval of our bodies, psyches, and beleaguered spirits.  We must question ways in which we have known ourselves prior to now.

We identify ourselves by the roles we’ve played in family and society. We also have ideas of what describes us – quiet, outgoing, sensitive, impulsive, etc.  Identities and descriptions make up much of what we think of as ‘myself’.  These roles and ways of being are familiar and comfortable, if not exactly the dreams we thought we would live.  In getting to know a new SELF, we must first relinquish these familiar identities.  We need to let go of them however much they may resemble a life preserver tossed upon the stormy seas of so much change.

“Letting Go of the Old Me” Exercise
Cut up heavy unlined paper or cardstock into pieces big enough for one or two words to be written.  (approx. 1/2 inch by 3 inches each is a good size.)  Give each woman 30 pieces of paper and a pen.  In silence, each Venus writes down one role or description on each piece of paper,  eg.  homemaker, nurse, artist, spiritual person, wild woman, sister, daughter, mother, and so on.  When finished hold all your roles and identities in your hands.  One by one, put them down, feeling the sensations and emotions of letting go of each one.  Take as long as needed – noticing how it feels to shed each identity.  When all your papers have been relinquished and your hands are empty, just sit quietly and notice what is left.  How does it feel to be without your roles?  Without your descriptions of who you are?  Don’t forget to breathe.

After 5-10 minutes of sitting quietly in this fashion, slowly begin to pick up your roles and descriptions one at a time.  Notice this time how it feels to reclaim each identity.  Are there some that are easier to take back?  Some that are burdensome or seem irrelevant?  Are there surprises?

If you’ve done this exercise in a group, those Venuses who wish to may share their experiences.  This serves to deepen and validate the experience for all.

For some in our Venus group, this exercise was deeply emotional, with great pain experienced on ‘giving up’ some of our most cherished identities.  Others were equally surprised at the ease with which some roles dropped away, like burdens laid to rest.  We found ourselves re-thinking the roles we have adopted until now and contemplating releasing those that no longer serve us or others.

The most important epiphany of the exercise involved feeling what was left when we let go of all our supposed roles and identities.  “Something” essential still remained.  An authentic being with value apart from what she does or how she is perceived exists when we give up all our identities.  Each goddess might be well served to acquaint herself with this essential ‘she’. “

You can try this exercise alone, although it is even more valuable when done in the presence of your Menopause Goddess girlfriends. Shedding roles that don’t serve us any longer opens space for us to become the women we wish to be. As we grow into our new Selves, what we want may change as well. All of this is just focusing our vision, clarifying our dreams, and finding our path as we travel this next part of the post menopausal journey.

(For more exercises in creating our Second Act, as well as surviving and thriving on the Menopause journey, get your own copy of The Big M. And get a copy for a girlfriend at half price when you order yours.)

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