Archive | Aging Gracefully RSS feed for this section

The Rear View And The Road Ahead for Menopause Goddesses

By on December 30, 2010 in Life Changes & Stages

Papohaku Beach Sunset, Molokai © lynette sheppard

It’s that time again – time to peek back at the year coming to a close and to look ahead to creating a brand new year.

I used to forget to look back at how much I had accomplished, enjoyed, and lived each year. I was much too focused on what lay ahead and how I might want to improve myself. You know: more exercise, better health habits, being more organized, blah blah blah.

About ten years ago, I started making “Done Lists” at the end of each year, in order to not only celebrate what I’d lived, but to freaking REMEMBER it! With the advent of menopause, remembering became a lost art, that needed a little nudge (I used my calendar to make notes all year and that helped me re-view what happened.)

My “Done Lists” evolved into Ta Da lists (a great replacement for To Do lists.).

Still, after celebrating the passing year, it’s natural to then look ahead to the coming one. Every New Year’s eve, I have this delicious feeling of a clean slate with all possibilities open.

Most of us goddesses don’t make New Year’s resolutions anymore. We know that particular activity to be a slippery, guilt-iced slope that will only irritate us in the long run. But we do create “intentions” or “wishes”. Sometimes, especially with menopause brain, it’s hard to get started or to focus on what we want to manifest next.

A few years ago, sister goddess Robin Blanc Mascari shared with us two sets of simple yet profound questions. One set is designed to help guide us through re-viewing the year just passing and the other is geared to helping us envision the coming year. It seemed time to revisit them. The answers might be very illuminating.

And if there seem to be an overwhelming amount of questions? (Which can make it seem like more of another chore than a graceful looking back and forward.) Just choose 5 to answer.

I originally chose 5 and ended up so curious, that I answered them all. A pdf copy is available at the end of this blog entry   download.

COMPLETING AND REMEMBERING 2010

What was your biggest triumph in 2010?

What was the smartest decision you made in 2010?

What one word best sums up and describes your 2010 experience?

What was the greatest lesson you learned in 2010?

What was the most loving service you performed in 2010?

What is your biggest piece of unfinished business in 2010?

What are you most happy about completing in 2010?

Who were the three people that had the greatest impact on your life in 2010?

What was the biggest risk you took in 2010?

What was the biggest surprise in 2010?

What important relationship improved the most in 2010?

What compliment would you liked to have received in 2010?

What compliment would you liked to have given in 2010?

What else do you need to do or say to be complete with 2010?

CREATING 2011

What would you like to be your greatest triumph in 2011?

What advice would you like to give yourself in 2011?

What is the major effort you are planning to improve your financial results in 2011?

What would you be most happy about completing in 2011?

What major indulgence are you willing to experience in 2011?

What would you like to change about yourself in 2011?

What are you looking forward to learning in 2011?

What do you think will be your greatest risk in 2011?

What about your work are you most committed to changing and improving in 2011?

What is one as yet undeveloped talent you are willing to explore in 2011?

What brings you the most joy and how are you going to do or have more of that in 2011?

Who or what, other than yourself, are you most committed to loving and serving in 2011?

What one word would you like to have as your theme in 2011?

Happy New Year to all you menopausal and midlife goddesses! Here’s hoping that 2011 brings you peace, joy, and cooling breezes!

year end questions

Comments { 10 }

Peace: A Wish For Menopause Goddesses

By on December 23, 2010 in Life Changes & Stages

Hawaiian snow globe

‘Tis the season. Shopping, baking, decorating, wrapping, cleaning, tagging, lighting. It’s wonderful. Exhilarating. And sometimes exhausting. Even irritating.

The traffic. Rampant consumerism. Obligatory party invites. Whining (and wining) can creep into our conversations. And then we come back to the meaning of the season.

I love the music at Christmas time. And I love Hawai`ian music. So when you mix the two, I am in ecstasy. One of my favorite Hawai`ian songwriter/singers, Keali`i Reichel, released a new album this year called Maluhia (Peace in Hawai`ian.).

As uplifted and delighted as I was by the musical offerings on the CD, I was even more struck by the message he wrote on the inside cover. And so I want to share it with all of you.

“Aloha No I Ka Nani O Ke Au Maluhia”

This remarkable au maluhia, season of peace, is more than a ritual birthday commemoration, for it touches those of all different theologies and extends far beyond a particular holiday or a block of the calendar. It’s more of a mindset, a spirit that pervades the things we do, the ways we do them, and the people we reach out to and surround ourselves with.

The season is embodied in smiles that well up in the heart and bloom forth on the faces of children and grownups alike. Good will unfurls in our homes and neighborhoods as festive decorations and twinkling lights are put in place with no other purpose than to delight friends and passers-by. Presents, wrapped, ribboned, and offered up with joy, are mere manifestations of the smiles and good feelings within.

The sounds of the season generate a random chorus of giggles and laughter, hearty greetings and warm welcomes. These happy sounds all mix in with the songs of the season like an extended carol whose refrain goes on through the year’s end and into the year’s renewal.

It brings renewal for us all, along with affirmation of the love that we share with our own and those beyond. The care and compassion are in the fabric of our everyday lives, but they become more apparent, to ourselves and others, during this wonderful season of joy. The affirmation is important, for it is the love we share that makes it all worthwhile.”

Oh yes, what he said. Wishing aloha and maluhia to all of you this holiday season and in the coming years of our second act. Mele Kalikimaka (Merry Christmas in Hawai`ian.) And a joyful Solstice, Happy Hanukkah, wondrous Kwanzaa.

You can find Keali`i Reichel and other Hawai`ian music CD’s at mele.com.

Comments { 3 }

Menopause and Multitasking Just Don’t Mix

By on November 29, 2010 in Aging Gracefully

Ribbons and Roses © lynette sheppard

I thought that brain fog and Menopause ADD were going to be the last of the mind changes accompanying this time of life. I was wrong.

Turns out that along with some of the activities I’ve had to let go (windsurfing and running on pavement to name two) comes the latest casualty: multitasking.

Multitasking. That oh so helpful, even necessary adjunct to living in today’s world. As we say in Hawaii, “if can, can. If no can, no can.” And I “no can” multitask any more.

I have become the poster crone for leaving things half finished as I start another project or task in another room. The end result is a bed half made, dishes half done, a blog post half written.

All it takes is one interruption like the phone ringing, one of the cats mewing to come inside, or UPS making a delivery. Or my sweet hubby asking where he can find something.  And I forget what I was doing.

Now I’m not at all certain that I was all that good at multitasking in my earlier years. I’m fairly certain that some of the plates I was spinning wobbled significantly even if they didn’t crash to the ground and break. I sure bought into the illusion that I could do more, faster, longer, etc.

But now? I forget that there are plates. Or spinning. I’m half afraid that I’ll be one of those old ladies that start frying eggs for breakfast and then decide to walk the dog, leaving the sizzling pan to fend for itself on the hot burner. I can hear my future grandkids tattling to their mom or dad, “Hey, come quick. Granny’s trying to burn down the house again.”

So, it seems that my latest efforts will go toward focusing on and doing one thing at a time. Which even as I mourn my inner multitasker,  seems like a move forward.

How much better might it be to actually be present to the task, feeling, thought at hand? When multitasking, I’m always half in the future and therefore not here in this moment. Perhaps this is an “ability” best jettisoned along with all the clothes I can no longer wear comfortably.

The changes in the second half of life, they keep on coming. Here’s one that I just might be able to celebrate.

Comments { 3 }

Menopause and Giving in to the Mystery

By on November 21, 2010 in Aging Gracefully, Life Changes & Stages

Zion NP © lynette sheppard

Early in my Menopause transition (euphemism for hellish maelstrom of horrifying hormonal events), so many things bothered me that I couldn’t keep count.

As the preliminary WTF freakouts of perimenopause and volcanic upheavals of The Big M are now mostly in my rear view mirror, I realize that some irritants that used to upset me simply don’t any longer. And that’s a real blessing.

For example, I used to be confounded and annoyed by the backhanded compliment “You look good…for your age.” Now, heck, I’ll take any compliment I can get without overanalyzing it for nuance or even honesty. I’ll just focus on the “look good” part and thank the complimenter with sincere gratitude.

Being called ma’am initially was both disconcerting and horrifying. My mom is ma’am. And she just barely. I felt old and frumpy every time I was addressed in this fashion usually by someone only recently out of diapers, waiting on me in the store or bank.

But now, I gotta say, I’m okay with ma’am. You might say I’ve grown into it. Ma’am. Short for madam – now there’s a racy little thought. And when someone calls me “Miss”? I know they’re just sucking up or trying to sell me something. I no way qualify for “Miss”  anymore. Another thing in my rear view mirror and I don’t really miss it.

I’ve heard some of my friends and sister goddesses over the years complain about being invisible. And I’ve certainly experienced that evanescence myself when a clerk looks right past me to wait on some hot young woman. “Hey!” I’d want to yell. “I”m right here taking up space. Service me – or at least wait on me.” (No I never did yell, I’d just clear my throat and say, “Excuse me, I believe I was here first.” Which either worked or didn’t.

However, now in my post menopausal incarnation, I find that I enjoy a certain anonymity, thanks to this decreasing visibility. I can slip in and out of places faster than a greased pig. Hawkers on the street miss giving me flyers. I love that.

And if I’m having a bad hair day? Or a fat day? Who cares? I’m invisible in the very best way and can just go about my business, carefree and happy. I don’t have an image to keep up. I’m ma’am now, remember?

No, I’m not letting myself go – just letting myself be. So much easier when you aren’t noticed that much anymore. Whew, what a relief.

Forgetting things drove me absolutely stark staring mad in the beginning of my transition. Not so anymore. I’m used to it. I have Rube Goldbergian workarounds to make my life work these days. I am the Queen of ritual and OCD in organizing stuff.

I just can’t trust my formerly prodigious memory any longer to pick up the slack. And honestly, I can’t get all worked up about it anymore. I exercise my brain as well as my body but neither are going to be in Olympic condition any time soon. Or ever. Hence the workarounds.

Lastly, not knowing the why of things sent me into an info gathering tailspin. Not all bad. I’ve learned (and shared) so much about the crazy Menopause journey through my incessant desire for understanding. And while I can learn and understand a lot? Some things will remain incomprehensible. Maybe forever.

Like why I had hot flashes to the point of nausea and my friend Susan had nary a flush. Or why black cohosh works for some and not others. Or why I and others lose our hair while some women boast luxurious manes all their lives.

Overall, I’ve come to an acceptance that some things may never be clear. In a sense, I’m on a need-to-know basis – and apparently the great mystery has decided that I don’t really need to know. So be it.

Maybe the biggest change is this: I’m just going to enjoy the Mystery, however it plays out, whatever challenges or wonders await me ‘round the next bend. That might be one of the secrets to aging gracefully. Maybe not. Then again, maybe.

Comments { 8 }

Post Menopause Shape Shifting

By on November 14, 2010 in Aging Gracefully

sea lion © lynette sheppard

Aging gracefully. I think it might mean not complaining about all the ignominious skin crinkling, bone creaking, and WTF moments when we look in the mirror. Okay, okay, I am complaining. Just a little.

While I’m in the full throes of whining, I might as well address the post menopausal phenomenon of shape shifting.

I’m not referring to the shape shifting we experience in early days of The Big M, when a woman turns into a werebeast or a fiery volcano goddess. I’m talking about LITERal shape shifting.

With this demonic twist on body sculpting, we goddesses don’t gain weight, but it all redistributes. Where? Depends on the day. Wherever it wants. I’ve been so many shapes in the last 6 years, I’ve lost count.

I met a Menopause Goddess sister shopping one day in J Jill, a store where I can actually find clothes that fit and don’t make me look like Old Mother Hubbard. We were discussing shape changes when she burst out, “ I don’t have just a muffin top – I’ve got the whole freaking muffin.”

That about sums it up. Body parts slide, recompact, and deposit in places you never imagined. Case in point, early in the pause I grew bodacious tatas for the first time in my life. Bought all new clothes to accommodate them. Then one night, the menopause fairy came and took them away.

But she must have gotten bored, because after a few years, when I’d finally given away my boobalicious apparel, she brought them back. Try going from a 32A to 34C to 34B to 34C-D. Sheesh. I should have bought stock in Victoria’s Secret.

Once upon a time, I wanted bigger breasts. (read most of the first half of my life.) Now they’re here. And frankly, they are just in the way.

I remember in high school biology when our instructor was teaching us about about endomorph and ectomorph or some such nonsense, that he singled me out as having the body of a 12 year old boy, a definite endomorph. I still remember how humiliating that was. (No, he wasn’t mean, just clueless. The fact that it was true only made it more embarrassing.)

I would love to have that body back now, I’ll tell you. Because along with larger tatas come larger thighs, larger tummy, and a big old butt.

I’m going thru my closet yet again – getting rid of clothes that don’t work with my new shape. Sigh.

Seriously, I never expected to have the exact same shape all of my life. But I figured there’d be 4, maybe 5 max. child, young chick, pregnancy, middle aged gal, old woman. Who knew what there were an endless succession of “morphs”.

And just about the time I get used to this latest one, I’m pretty sure it will be replaced by yet another. So I guess the aging gracefully part will have to be acceptance moment to moment. I’m not there yet, but I’m working on it.

Comments { 10 }

Who Are We Now After Menopause?

By on October 10, 2010 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages, Menopause in Community

Goddess Becoming © lynette sheppard

Last blog post, we focused on getting what we really want. Wanting, even defining may not be enough. As we create the second half of our lives, we may have to let go of some previously cherished identities; stories we tell ourselves about ourselves.

The Venuses pondered this quandary in our third meeting, a week long exploration in Hawai`i. The following exercise provided tears, laughter, and enlightenment.  (excerpted from “The Big M”,  Humor, Heart, and Help For the Menopausal Journey.”)

“Cultivating A New Relationship with Ourselves

The mantra of midlife women “I just don’t feel like ME anymore” serves as an call to awakening. Who WAS I?  More important,  who AM I now?  Perhaps our increased need for time alone has a purpose.  We need to become acquainted with the changeling emerging from the upheaval of our bodies, psyches, and beleaguered spirits.  We must question ways in which we have known ourselves prior to now.

We identify ourselves by the roles we’ve played in family and society. We also have ideas of what describes us – quiet, outgoing, sensitive, impulsive, etc.  Identities and descriptions make up much of what we think of as ‘myself’.  These roles and ways of being are familiar and comfortable, if not exactly the dreams we thought we would live.  In getting to know a new SELF, we must first relinquish these familiar identities.  We need to let go of them however much they may resemble a life preserver tossed upon the stormy seas of so much change.

“Letting Go of the Old Me” Exercise
Cut up heavy unlined paper or cardstock into pieces big enough for one or two words to be written.  (approx. 1/2 inch by 3 inches each is a good size.)  Give each woman 30 pieces of paper and a pen.  In silence, each Venus writes down one role or description on each piece of paper,  eg.  homemaker, nurse, artist, spiritual person, wild woman, sister, daughter, mother, and so on.  When finished hold all your roles and identities in your hands.  One by one, put them down, feeling the sensations and emotions of letting go of each one.  Take as long as needed – noticing how it feels to shed each identity.  When all your papers have been relinquished and your hands are empty, just sit quietly and notice what is left.  How does it feel to be without your roles?  Without your descriptions of who you are?  Don’t forget to breathe.

After 5-10 minutes of sitting quietly in this fashion, slowly begin to pick up your roles and descriptions one at a time.  Notice this time how it feels to reclaim each identity.  Are there some that are easier to take back?  Some that are burdensome or seem irrelevant?  Are there surprises?

If you’ve done this exercise in a group, those Venuses who wish to may share their experiences.  This serves to deepen and validate the experience for all.

For some in our Venus group, this exercise was deeply emotional, with great pain experienced on ‘giving up’ some of our most cherished identities.  Others were equally surprised at the ease with which some roles dropped away, like burdens laid to rest.  We found ourselves re-thinking the roles we have adopted until now and contemplating releasing those that no longer serve us or others.

The most important epiphany of the exercise involved feeling what was left when we let go of all our supposed roles and identities.  “Something” essential still remained.  An authentic being with value apart from what she does or how she is perceived exists when we give up all our identities.  Each goddess might be well served to acquaint herself with this essential ‘she’. “

You can try this exercise alone, although it is even more valuable when done in the presence of your Menopause Goddess girlfriends. Shedding roles that don’t serve us any longer opens space for us to become the women we wish to be. As we grow into our new Selves, what we want may change as well. All of this is just focusing our vision, clarifying our dreams, and finding our path as we travel this next part of the post menopausal journey.

(For more exercises in creating our Second Act, as well as surviving and thriving on the Menopause journey, get your own copy of The Big M. And get a copy for a girlfriend at half price when you order yours.)

Comments { 2 }

Getting What We Really Want In Our Second Act

By on October 2, 2010 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages, Menopause in Community

Emerald Bay Sunrise © lynette sheppard

Remember in our first act of life, before the Pause, when you really wanted something? Perhaps it was a lover, a job, a new car, or moving to another state.

Finally, through perseverance, circumstance, or luck, you got it. And then? The letdown. Because the desired object it wasn’t nearly as satisfying as you thought it would be. What’s that about?

Maybe, just maybe, what we thought we wanted isn’t what we really wanted. We thought this sought after “thing” might fill us up and when it didn’t, we were left confused and bereft. Soon, we replaced it with another desire. Ah, this would be the one. Or ones.

In our second Act, we hope to be clearer about what we want, about how we wish to live, about who we will become. Because not to put to fine a point on it, but time is running out.

In one of our meetings, the Venuses did the following exercise to discover what it is we really want. This exercise is not a “secret” for manifesting – nor will you be writing affirmations or calling on a Higher Power.

No, this involves a deeper inquiry into what we really desire; what we really want to claim a fulfilled life. and it changes moment to moment.

So here’ s the exercise, (excerpted from our book The Big M.) It’s simple, but not to be taken lightly.

“The Want List exercise

Take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns vertically down the page.  In the first column, quickly write down at least 10 things that you “want”.  Don’t censor yourself or overthink this process.  Avoid beauty contestant answers like “world peace”, unless that truly popped into your head unbidden.  Don’t worry if any of your ‘wants’ seem silly or bizarre.  No one else needs to see this list.  It can be as mundane as a new toothbrush or as exotic as a cruise around the world.

When you have finished making your list, in the second column next to each ‘thing’ that you want, write the one or two words that describe how you will feel if you get it.  Examples:  successful, clean, adventurous, smart, loved, happy, peaceful, etc.

Now read over the list in the second column.  This is the more important list.  These feelings are what you really want.  The feeling may or may not be  met by the ‘thing’ or item that corresponds to it on your list.  How many times have we wanted something desperately, thinking it would make us feel a certain way, only to find that it didn’t deliver what we’d hoped?  If I get this new haircut, I’ll feel beautiful.  Well, maybe or possibly I’ll just feel different.  If I get this degree, I’ll feel smart.  Maybe yes, maybe for awhile, or maybe I’ll just feel in debt with a piece of paper to put on my wall.

Most important is that we really want the feelings in our lives, and the ‘want’ we attach to the feeling may or may not provide it for us.  There’s a clarity in realizing that we actually want the feeling, as we discover that there may be multiple ways to achieve that feeling.  Sometimes to our great surprise, we discover that we already have this feeling in our lives, and have simply failed to recognize it.

To complete the exercise, we call for the feelings to manifest or reveal themselves in our lives.  And we stay open to the many ways these feelings can show up, rather than remaining attached to the ‘thing’ we wanted.  Hey, it may even be the ‘thing’ that brings the feeling, but at least we’re not blinded to the possibilities that the feeling we want may come from other venues.

If you should happen to do this exercise in your own Venus group, you may wish to share the list of feelings you want to bring into your life.  Voicing them aloud, in the supporting presence of the group, serves to give your desires importance and legitimacy in your own eyes.  The whole group can witness, not only for the feelings you want to attract in your life, but the commitment you have toward manifesting them.

As we’ve said before, there is a synergy and a magic to visioning, planning, and creating the second half of our lives in a community of supportive, like-minded women. Together we are SO much more than the sum of our singular parts.  Connected to each another, we become more amazing and powerful than any single goddess, mythical or real.”

If you don’t have a sisterhood or Menopause Goddess Community, you can do this exercise by yourself. It will likely be immensely enlightening. And you can do it over and over again as you feel yourself changing.

Still, I can’t overemphasize that any clarity you gain is so much more profound when illuminated in the community of other women. Because they witness, really hear your desire, they can also keep you on track when you forget. As we inevitably do.

Try it for yourself. Let us know how it goes. (For more exercises in creating our Second Act, as well as surviving and thriving on the Menopause journey, get your own copy of The Big M. And get a copy for a girlfriend at half price when you order yours.)

Comments { 2 }

Menopause: Change Your Life But Take it Slow

By on September 23, 2010 in Emotional Menopause Symptoms, Life Changes & Stages, Menopause in Community

red maple leaves, Zion NP © lynette sheppard

The first menopause book I bought when I first started into perimenopause languished on the shelf for a couple of years. It was…Ginormous. Gargantuan. Encyclopedic. Just lifting it was too much effort to expend in my then fragile state. Besides, I boggled at the commitment I’d be undertaking to read its 500 or so pages.

So I left it in the bookcase as a placeholder.

When I finally managed to garner enough fortitude to tackle it, I found it pretty good. Yes, I know, damning with faint praise. Still, it was a decent treatise about the change with some great stories from real women going through it. The author wasn’t shy about sharing her own journey of menopause and subsequent divorce.

Here’s where she lost me (and many of the Venuses). She posited that many of the emotional symptoms were caused by unresolved life issues; problems unattended to prior to the Big M. Indeed, she recounts her own story and that of other women to back up her premise.

While that is an authentic experience for many women, it is not the only one. A number of us in the original Menopause Goddess group had worked hard to resolve life and relationship issues and were pretty happy, content, satisfied when the Change hit. Wham. End of equanimity. Enter emotional maelstrom. Out of nowhere. For no freaking reason other than the soon to be ubiquitous “it’s hormonal.”

Christiane Northrup MD makes a really important point in her book: any important life issues that you have not dealt with prior to The Big M are going to loom larger than any elephants in the living room. You will be compelled to notice them.

However, sometimes there is no large unresolved issue to be dealt with. It just feels that way. The Big M can make you so uncomfortable in your own skin that you feel like shaking everything up: work, relationship, friendships, where you live, you name it.

So how do we know? How do we know if we actually have an unresolved life issue; if we need to make major changes before we move ahead with our second Act, or if we are just caught in the tornado effect of the Change?

Good question. One that each woman will have to answer for herself eventually. But, one thing the Venuses have learned over the years of meeting, sharing, learning, and growing together. And this is the most important advice we can give regarding any and all aspects of Menopause.

TAKE IT SLOW.

Do Nothing.

Feed your soul and your spirit in gentle, caring ways without major upheaval. Elsewise, you may end up throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

We live in a “Do something” world. This is our time to slow down and contemplate. Sure, try new things. Always wanted to be an artist? Don’t quit your day job just yet. Explore art. Make things. Do it just for you. If it grows into something more (like a new career) great! If now, you have a nurturing passionette to fill yourself up to overflowing. Not a bad deal.

Mortality, that other “M” word that overtakes the Scrabble center squares at this time of life, steamrolls us with urgency, too. Not only are we feeling emotionally jittery, depressed, anxious and pissed off; we suddenly feel the press of time.

If not now when? When will I travel the world, become a famous chef, move to the country, find my soulmate? While the Venuses would be the first to say, “You go, girlfriend. Follow your dreams and live boldly,” we’d first say this: take it easy. Wait til you start to come out the other side of Menopause. Yes, you’re mortal but there likely is time.

Imagine making huge life decisions at fifteen, in the maelstrom of puberty. Sheesh, we’d never let our kids do that. When in the midst of the hormonal sh*tstorm, they are rarely able to make those choices. Things change in a heartbeat.

Well, Menopause isn’t much different. Except it’s bigger, kind of like puberty to the 10th power. And we have driver’s licenses. And responsibilities. And we think we know better, because we are adults and have life experience. Hormones The great equalizer.

So go ahead, reevaluate your life. Dream your biggest dreams. Imagine who you would like to become. And then, do nothing for awhile. If hormones are causing turmoil, it will calm in a year or two. If there really IS a life issue that you need to address in a big Change, it will still be there. we guarantee it. You can work on it then.

For now, go slow, go safe, go inward. And most of all, go with girlfriends. They will keep you sane, and hopefully keep you from making any big life moves that you’ll regret.

Comments { 6 }

September is Menopause Awareness Month

By on September 13, 2010 in Life Changes & Stages, Menopause in Community, Menopause websites


I was contacted recently by a representative from a new menopause website. The site is called menopauseawarenessmonth.org, though I’m guessing they will still be around once September slips into October and beyond.

Menopause Awareness Month is a fine idea. Not like any of us confronted with the Big M have any choice but to be aware of it. Nor are our loved ones, friends, and coworkers allowed to be oblivious.

Still, the changes wrought by Menopause seem to bring more than an awareness of symptoms. We may look at our lives differently as we are shaken, not stirred, out of our comfort zones.

What has Menopause made you aware of? Perhaps you are aware of things you never contemplated; perhaps you simply have a heightened awareness of things within your sphere of consciousness. What, besides hot flashes and mood swings, has menopause brought to the forefront for you?

Share your thoughts and feelings here. I’m musing on this question myself for the next blog entry. Stay tuned, dear goddesses. This is how we take the next steps along the journey post menopause to Aging Gracefully and Second Adulthood: by sharing with one another.

Comments { 1 }

Welcome to Meant To Pause

By on August 30, 2010 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages

Tuolumne river © lynette sheppard

Why is it called Menopause instead of Menohalt? We don’t pause our hormones and childbearing status. We come to a screeching stop!

So why the temporary sounding name? Perhaps there’s a message here. (No, I’m not talking about Men On Pause, although there is certainly a component of that for awhile during the Big M.)

I wonder if we are Meant to Pause. Okay, okay, I’m probably reading way too much into this, but I just got back from a major pause up in the high Sierra and it seems that this deep appreciation for all things beautiful has been pushed to the forefront by Menopause.

Peace, enjoyment of simple pleasures like nature and music, reveling in the perfection to be had in the here and now. Theresa Venus talks about this same feeling in her latest blog entry, wondering if resort living might really be a frame of mind rather than a place like Lake Tahoe. I think she might be on to something.

Case in point: Dewitt and I went up to Tuolumne Lodge in Yosemite National Park again this year. It’s a great vacation spot complete with rustic tent cabins. There’s no wifi and precious little cell phone service. No electricity either. A perfect place to unplug.

Add to that, hot showers and great food prepared for you twice a day and there are just no responsibilities whatsoever. It’s like going to camp without the overamped counselors and activities. Because if there’s one thing we Menopause Goddesses long for, it is unstructured, open time. Time to read, make art, daydream, or just do nothing.

Every morning at breakfast, we were seated with several other campers that we didn’t know. Inevitably the first topic of conversation was “What hike are you doing?”

“Er, none.” we’d answer. “We are just going to walk a little ways down the river and hang out. Maybe read a little and take some photos.”

This was a most appropriate question, since this lodge is the jumping off point for some of the most beautiful (and strenuous) hikes in the Sierra. Our answer earned us some pretty weird looks, and sometimes put a stop to all further conversation.

Still, we stuck to our nonplan. (One of Dewitt’s favorite phrases about vacationing and travel is that “The unaimed arrow never misses.” We live by that.

Off to the river we meandered with lawn chairs, books, cameras, water, and trail mix. Long days were spent rereading favorite books. (In Spite of Everything Yes by Ralph Steiner for Dewitt, Anne Lamott’s delightful book on writing Bird by Bird for me.) We swam and took photos, watched shadows and birds, and just filled ourselves up on natural beauty.

At dinner, we’d reprise our day when asked what hike(s) we did. Some confused looks as well as some curious glances were directed our way. Luckily, food arrived quickly enough to save us having to explain too much.

Our last morning, we were sitting at the table with two goddesses of a certain Meant To Pause age. They asked us about our hiking plans; we sheepishly reiterated our lazy ass, open-ended, goal less ‘plans’. “Wonderful,” they crowed. “Us too. Don’t you just love it?”

We do. We love it. And them. They came along just in time, reaffirming our commitment to Pause and reflect, Pause and relax, Pause and enjoy. Yep, from now on, I’m a Meant To Pause Goddess and proud of it.

Comments { 9 }