Category — Hot Flashes

The Big M Wisdom © lynette sheppard

I clicked on a tweet (on Twitter) the other day promising to answer our questions about menopause. And got the same old rhetoric that I’ve read countless times in books, in articles, on websites. Finally, I gotta comment and reanswer each question as a true menopause goddess. I’m tired of the B.S. I’m not picking on any one site or author (which is why I won’t include the link to this particular Q & A article.) I’m addressing all of them that put this kind of information out for women. Below are their questions and answers in plain text, my answer is in bold. And I do mean BOLD!

The info started with:
Are you or a loved one approaching the time of life many women fear — menopause? If so, you probably have questions about this sensitive subject.

Well, we didn’t, I’m sorry to say. We didn’t know it would be so momentous. So it caught us completely by surprise (read mind-numbing shock). But once it started? You bet your sweet bippy we had questions! And we sure wanted answers!

Here are 6 answers to help you go through menopause as comfortably as possible:

Oh Goody. Let’s hear them.

1. Why is menopause a puzzling time of life?

Before reaching the change of life, many women don’t know what to expect. That can be scary! There are horror stories floating around that can make women unnecessarily apprehensive, but you need to know that menopause is a normal part of your journey through life.

Oh sweetie. Menopause IS a freaking horror story. For most women who haven’t started immediately with hormones anyway.
Of course, it’s NORMAL. Puberty and childbirth are NORMAL, tsunamis and volcanic eruptions are NORMAL, but that doesn’t make them any easier to take. Especially if we don’t know what is coming!!

2. At about what age does menopause begin?
Most women cease having periods between the ages of 45 to 55. However, menopause can be induced earlier by surgery.

Yeah, well perimenopause can start years earlier. And for many women the symptoms start or are the worst in perimenopause. So you’d better amend those ages. And let me say that I talk to women in their sixties still dealing with it, so 55 sounds like a nice cutoff but it just ain’t always so. So the answer to this question? Whenever it wants to!

3. What are some of the symptoms?

During the early stages of menopause, called perimenopause, a woman’s menstrual cycle becomes irregular. When menopause has been completed, a woman no longer has periods at all. One of the most widespread symptoms of menopause is hot flashes and a high percentage of menopausal women have them. Some women experience feelings of depression while they are going through menopause and mood swings can accompany the change of life.

There is so much understatement here that I almost don’t know where to begin. Let me start with hot flashes. Widespread symptom? High percentage have them? Allow me to explain. Hot flashes are not short private vacations in the tropics. Because vacations are enjoyable. Think of the worst flu fever you’ve ever had – now quadruple it. And you’re not even close to how bad it is.

Depression and mood swings? We have more ups and downs than Six Flags. Tire commercials can move us to tears and the sound of the refrigerator or our cat breathing can piss us off. And again, none of the fun.

4. What about hair loss during and after menopause?

Hair loss sometimes occurs to some women with the aging process. This is one of the most distressing side effects of menopause. However, there are a lot of women who don’t lose their hair during this transitional period in their lives. Some women have higher levels of the hormones that cause hair thinning. If you are experiencing hair loss, you should check with your doctor about treatment options.

Having been one of the “some women”, I can tell you that yes that losing your hair is distressing. As in I was afraid I would be bald soon!   It’s actually terrifying.

As for checking with my doctor about treatment options? I consulted with more than one physician. They were less helpful than the DMV and ten times as expensive. Like us, they have no experience with menopause that hasn’t been squelched by immediate hormone therapy. If I had to depend on them, I’d still be freaking out. Or bald. Or both. (For more info, search hair loss here on the blog. Or write me.)

5. Are there any special nutrition recommendations for women going through menopause?

You might want to consider adding soy products to your diet to assist your estrogen levels. Be sure to get enough vitamin A to help your skin and hair to be as healthy as possible. Health food stores offer a variety of herbal extracts to help with menopausal symptoms.

Hmmmmmm special nutrition recommendations. Other than you can’t eat anything every again without gaining weight? Oh yeah, soy is one of the top food allergens, and can interfere with thyroid function. Since everything you eat turns to fat, might as well make chocolate your main food group. And wine. Lots of wine.

6. What medical help is available while you’re going through menopause?

Your doctor may prescribe treatment options to help lessen disturbing side effects of the change of life.

A combination of estrogen and progestin may be recommended by your doctor — if you don’t have a history of breast cancer in your family. There are treatments to help you if you are suffering from hot flashes that disturb your sleep and other symptoms as well

Or s/he might prescribe antidepressants, the latest “magic” cure for The Big M. I highly recommend holistic or complementary physicians/nurse practitioners who look at the whole person and don’t start with either HRT (hormone replacement therapy) or antidepressants as the first (sometimes only) approach. Check out Holistic Medical Association or Women In Balance to find a practitioner near you.

Although cessation of menstruation can be a puzzling time dreaded by many women, there are a number of advantages to this period of your life’s story. It’s a new chapter opening before you! You will probably be able to enjoy greater freedom than ever before to pursue interests you could not pursue before because of family responsibilities. Why not investigate new opportunities and challenges in this new chapter of your life!

While this is true, it doesn’t compute when we are in the beginning or worst stages of The Big M. There are few things worse than perky, upbeat proclamations about how this is the best time of our lives. Eventually it may be. (It certainly is for the goddesses.) But we went through a few RIDICULOUS years before we came out the other side feeling whole again. Different, but whole. Menopause. It will set you free but it will really mess with you first.

My Breeze Fan on bed, cat not included

I’m into my third week of Operation Stop HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy.) Days 4 through 15 have been much easier than I would have predicted. My main symptom has been nocturnal hot flashes. And thanks to a new “fan”, those have hardly been noticed.

Now I remember, pre-BHRT, that nighttime flashing was a real problem. I’d start burning from the inside and wake up sweating like the proverbial porker. I’d fling the covers off onto my unsuspecting spouse and wait for a nonexistent cooling breeze to manifest. After what seemed an interminable amount of time, I’d finally cool somewhat only to overshoot to the other side of the thermostat and freeze as dampness evaporated from my skin.

Worst of all, I’d be wide awake. And irritated. And sleep deprived the next day. Which irritated me more. You can see why I wasn’t crazy about going off my BHRT even though I’d decided that it was time.

Luckily, help manifested in an amazing form and right on time. My girlfriend’s husband sent me an email about a friend of his who’d invented a special fan to cool those nighttime flashes before they’d awaken his menopausal beloved. Seems she was suffering the same vicious cycle of sleep deprivation/crankiness so many of us are privy to with nocturnal flashing. When his invention gave her back her sleep and equanimity, he knew he had to make more of them. I had to have one! He sent me a prototype to try.

My Breeze Fan Closeup

This special Hot-Flash Cooling fan called My Breeze hooks onto the end of a goddess’s bed. A small remote control that can be worn like a necklace or sit on the bedside table is used to activate the fan at the first sign of that telltale heat.

The fan blows blessedly cool air for a couple of minutes (or for however long you have preset it; both time and power are adjustable for each goddess’s preference) thereby stopping the flash in its tracks, before it can overtake you. Most important, it stops before you become fully awake. Goodbye soaked sheets, freezing spells, and sleepless nights. Hello sweeter, gentler, more rested you. And me.

My Breeze comes with courtesy bars to keep the fan from disturbing your mate. And they’re pretty! Which is a big deal to me since I did spring for some nice bed linens recently.

For me, the My Breeze fan is a godsend. It may make the difference between gracefully easing off BHRT or going through a prolonged, uncomfortable withdrawal.

If you also suffer from nighttime hot flashes and resultant insomnia, I recommend that you try this amazing fan. Yep they offer a 14 day free trial. Visit the website and click on “Is it for you?” to ascertain the right fan for your bedstyle, sleeping habits -like whether you sleep with pets and are they trainable like my cat. Okay, maybe trainable is too strong a word. I basically told her that it was time to move to the other side of the bed or actually to occupy that fancy cat bed we bought her years ago. We worked it out.

As for the rest of the journey off BHRT, it’s too soon to tell if there will be other symptoms, but I’m betting no. I’ll keep lifting weights to prevent osteoporosis, exercising, eating right (most of the time), and of course, adjusting my attitude with wine and chocolate.

by lynette sheppard

Sometimes, though, the whole Menopause journey is so sucky that it’s hard to remember to laugh. And for those times we have a whole slew of cyber girlfriends to start us giggling at the absurdity once again.

Minnie Pauz is a cartoon menopausal everywoman. Check her out at minniepauz.com and sign up to get the cartoons. Better yet, buy the book! You’ll be hearing more about her in an upcoming blog entry where her creator, Dee Adams, tells how Minnie came to be.

A newcomer to our internet coffee klatch (or wine tasting, whatever) is 4honeybunch2.com. She has a line of hilarious cards, magnets, and more. And what I love most? She’ s not trying for political correctness – just telling it like it is.

The universality of the Menopause experience transcends borders (and so much more!) Izzy Muses In her humorous blog covers menopause and Other Midlife Matters from her home in the Emerald Isle.

The self-described Queen of Planet Hot Flash leads with “Put On Your Big Girl Panties and Deal With It” on her blogsite. Her menopausal rants are definitely good for a chuckle. Sadly, she hasn’t posted much lately, maybe Planet Hot Flash is going through some climate change. Like all of us. I can relate.

Longtime reader and blogger friend, Poetikat ,wrote this alphabet soup comparison poem about the difference HRT can make for some of us menopausal goddesses.

Three Letters Can Make a Big Difference

Without HRT
acrimonious
bitchy
confrontational
disgruntled
exasperated
furious
grave
hellish
irate
jugular
kick-ass
long-suffering
malevolent
nettled
overwrought
provoked
quick to judge
rage filled
snippy
tightly-wound
uncontrollable
vitriolic
wigged out
x is for murder
yelling
zoo-bound

Verdict: Locked up!

With HRT
agreeable
benevolent
composed
delighted
enervated
funny
gleeful
hilarious
incandescent
jocular
kick-up-your-heels
laughing
merry
nice (and naughty)
open-minded
pleasant
quiet
restful
soothing
tranquil
unflappable
vibrant
warm
x is for xstatic
yearning
zip-a-dee-doo-dah!
Verdict: Set free!

Many thanks to all these menopause goddesses helping us cope by making us laugh!

I’d like to be a jellyfish
‘Cause jelly fish don’t pay rent…

They’re just simple protoplasm
Clear as cellophane.
They ride the winds of fortune,
Life without a brain.”

from the song Mental Floss by Jimmy Buffett

Now that my menopause brain fog has lifted, I notice an interesting new mental phenomenon manifesting itself. It’s a little like what longtime meditators call monkey mind (and I call Menopausal HDD). Still, it’s different. Monkeys jump from tree to tree exuberantly. Monkey mind jumps from thought to thought, idea to idea quickly. There’s almost a manic energy to them.

This new syndrome is more like jellyfish mind. While myriad thoughts intrude themselves, one atop another, I find myself floating among them. I’m drifting in a sea filled with plans, ideas, to-do’s, memories, wishes. Like a jellyfish, I float from thought to thought as they wave and brush against me.

I don’t mind the floating either. Which is weird. Because I like to be focused. Heck, I need to be focused. But too often, I just float from one thought to the next, one thing to the next, serenely. I feel like a caricature of a Zen master (mistress?).

And since it is time for another blog entry and I am surrounded by flotsam and jetsam in my own little ocean, I’m going to write about the various kelp-thoughts that brush against me. The warning here is that these topics may not go together at all. Yet they have at least The Big M in common. Okay, there’s the disclaimer – don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Estrogen Addiction Say What?
Yep, Apparently our hot flashes are due to an estrogen addiction. UBC Professor of Endocrinology Dr. Jerilynn C. Prior presented her findings on estrogen addiction and its treatment with progesterone at Women’s Health Congress 2010 in Washington DC. Not a joke. Really.

According to Dr. Prior, when a woman has a hot flash:

“she’s experiencing a massive release of brain chemicals … Integrating what we know about hot flushes has led to the hypothesis that the brain exposed to prolonged high estrogen levels reacts like the brain of an addict without a fix when estrogen levels drop. The best animal model of hot flushes is the heroin-addicted mouse.”

Apparently, the treatment for this estrogen addiction is progesterone, since “estrogen and progesterone work together in every tissue of a woman’s body.”

Okay. I’ll bite. Massive release of brain chemicals sounds right on. Furthermore, I’m a big believer in natural progesterone cream. But as I’m floating in my little sea, these thoughts brush against me. Do we have to name everything so that it sounds like a disease or disorder? When Mom Nature cold turkeys us at Menopause, does she know what she has done? And is progesterone now our methadone?

Dr. Prior and her team suggest that women who have taken estrogen will have tons more hot flashes when they stop the hormones. Does that mean instead of 20-30 per day, I’ll have 40-50? I gotta tell you, it doesn’t make me excited about stopping my bioidentical patch anytime soon. And I am definitely planning to decrease and ultimately discontinue it, having passed that magical three year mark. Will I need truckloads of progesterone to combat the dreaded withdrawal from my estrogen addiction? Do I need a 12 step program?

There were a bunch of other kelp thoughts I was going to share, but I’ve drifted too far past them and run out of room. They’ll likely show up in the next post.

As Jimmy Buffett continues in his song,

“In one ear and out the other.
Don’t you get criss crossed.
I recommend you try a little
Mental floss.”

As a nurse, I belong to a continuing education / latest research site called Medscape. It’s nothing short of wonderful. When I think of the sheer poundage of my professional magazines that I subscribed to in the past, it boggles the mind. (And stimulates my guilt reflex when pondering how many trees gave their lives so that I might give better nursing care.)

Now with a couple of keystrokes, I can stuff my few remaining brain cells with the latest nursing and medical knowledge. Amazing. I love love love the internet. But I digress – which happens to me a lot since The Big M.

I’d like to share a few of the latest research findings regarding menopausal women.

Hot Flashes Sufferers Live Longer?
I received a tweet the other day that stated “research shows women that have a large number of hot flashes live longer.” I went to the actual study and found that in truth, it was women that reported night sweats in addition to their hot flashes. They had a 30% lower mortality rate from heart disease than women who didn’t suffer from nocturnal overheating, irrespective of risk factors or HRT (hormone replacement therapy) usage.

Wow. I believe that I will likely live to 210 years of age if this is true. Thank God for wicking sleepwear. (Stay tuned for the debut of our Menopause Marketplace to find great wicking sleepwear vendors.)

Does Depression Affect Menopausal Symptoms?
This study found that women suffering depression reported more menopause symptoms. Conversely, the authors were surprised to find that menopause also seemed to lead to more depression. The first thing I have to say about these results is “Well , DUH!”

The second is that this sounds a little like “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” Which we could debate forever, but why would we want to?

Most important were the conclusions of the study – that identification and treatment of depression might help with symptoms of menopause as well.

True enough, but at what cost? We are already seeing a number of articles promoting antidepressants to treat menopause, which really is like trying to shoot a fly with an elephant gun. While I am the first to say that menopause symptoms suck, I also believe in the remedy with the least side effects that helps.

I strongly believe in antidepressant drugs when necessary. When depression causes significant disruption of daily life activities or relationships or suicidal thoughts, then pharmaceutical treatment along with professional therapy can be life saving.

But we need to assess a matter of degree with depression. Some mild depression, e.g. feeling sad and blue, weepy, not motivated during menopause affected all of the Goddesses to some degree. When we shared it with one another, it lessened greatly. It was wonderful to find out that it was normal and it was likely temporary.

Two of our goddesses have suffered from depression pre-menopause and have taken antidepressant therapy successfully. The rest of us just felt crappy for awhile.

Risk for Major Depression Increases During and After Menopause

Basically this study found that the risk of major depression doubles during perimenopause and menopause when compared with premenopause. That sounds about right. To put that in perspective, if two of your twenty friends suffered a major depressive episode before any of you went into menopause, then it might be likely that 4 of your friends would suffer a major depressive episode. Leaving 16 feeling blue and “normally” depressed.

I couldn’t find out how the researchers defined major depressive episode. One of the researchers did make this statement, which was billed in the Medscape article as the take-home message for clinicians. “When women come in and are thinking that they have some extra difficulties with life and feel down and blue…take it seriously. It is not just a passing thing.”

Okay, that worries me. Because it describes nearly every menopausal woman I’ve known at some point in her journey. I personally felt down and blue, and was dragging my weary arse through the days during the worst of the Big M. I was also hot, cranky, and sleep deprived which likely made it worse. But it WAS just a passing thing. It was normal. The best treatment I experienced (besides sleep and cooling measures) was support and commiseration from my Menopause Goddess sisters.

While I’m delighted that we are doing some research on The Big M, I have to wonder why we aren’t looking into bioidentical hormones, herbal therapies, and the effects of support groups. Could it be because there is no funding for these types of research?

So ladies, remember the one Latin legal phrase I learned in nursing school “caveat emptor”. Let the buyer beware. You are the buyer of your own health care. Pick and choose. Ask questions – lots of them. Ask about side effects and risk-benefit analysis. And not to be a conspiracy theorist, but ask yourself who might have funded a given research study? Who stood to gain?

Lastly, make sure that you are followed by a physician or nurse practitioner, not led. Most health care professionals I know actually appreciate a patient who is actively involved in her own care. And if they don’t? I’d shop around for a new health care professional/partner.

Lately, I’ve been getting as much mail from men whose mates, moms, and menopausal female pals are looking like a puzzle they just can’t figure out. So for them, I’m offering a few small tips for dealing with us while we are going through the Change.

#1 Choose Your Words Carefully
While you are tippytoeing on those eggshells, here are a few phrases that will get you on your way with the least amount of breakage:

“I love you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Have you lost weight?”

I’m forever grateful to Shellie Rushing Tomlinson of All Things Southern for sharing these gems. Check out her video on Hot Flashes and Mood Swings in the August 3 blog post of this year “Gotta Love Those Southern Menopause Goddesses” to further understand why you can’t say these three phrases too much.

My own hubby, Dewitt, often sounds like a well-trained parrot as he trots these out over and over. Do I mind his constant repetition? No I don’t. It doesn’t matter how or why he is saying it, just that he is. It’s a way for him to express to me that he knows I’m having a menopause moment. Or year. Or two.

#2 Don’t help. Listen.
We know that it is a man’s nature to want to help in situations where damsels are indeed in distress. However, I can assure you that unless you can magically change our very DNA or make it rain female hormones on command, there is nearly nothing you can do to help. Except listen. Without speaking. And maybe handing us a cool damp cloth for our fiery forehead when we start to sweat like pigs.

#3 Surprise us with housework

I came home today from lunch out with two of the Venuses. I looked at the kitchen sink where I’d left the stack of dirty dishes only to find them washed and air-drying in the drainer.

This is guaranteed to get us right in the heart. And sometimes even in other sensitive places, where our libido has hung a sign reading “On Vacation, Indefinitely.” Yep, porn for women is men doing chores without asking what needs to be done (that is a key part – if we have to tell you what to do, the surprise factor is pretty much lost. As are points.)

The other night, Dewitt jumped up and dried dishes that I was washing, after throwing in the laundry. I gotta tell you, he never looked sexier to me. Hmmmmmmm, housework as aphrodisiac.

#4 Preemptive mood strikes

Along with the aforementioned three mission critical phrases, offering chocolate, neck rubs, wine, and the TV remote are effective mood enhancers that can smooth out some of the emotional swings before they happen. And if they do occur? It’s less likely that you’ll be caught in the crossfire.

These are enough to get you started. Heck, if you only implemented the advice in these four simple tips, you’d be well on your way to being the ideal menopause goddess mate, friend, or companion. We’d love you for it.

Photo for this blog posting is the cover of a fabulous, fun book called Porn for Women. Photographed by Susan Anderson, From the Cambridge Women’s Pornography Cooperative, published by Chronicle Books of San Francisco.

My friend, M (you’ll remember her as the Menopausal Squirrel), felt pretty good about her health care practitioners. She liked and trusted her gynecologist right up until she began her menopause journey with a plethora of symptoms including hot flashes, mood swings, and insomnia. That’s when things got ugly.

On an office visit, she asked  about remedies and symptom relief. Her gynecologist recommended HRT. M. wasn’t too keen on that idea given the press since the WHI study. “What else can  I do? ” she asked. “Antidepressants” was the answer.  “No other options?” she queried. “There’s nothing else we can do,” she was told.

She walked out of the office and never went back.

Now I’ll be the first to admit that it can’t be pleasant to have a hot, bitchy woman demanding relief and answers in your office when you don’t really know what will help. And I truly understand as a health care practitioner how much you want to offer a definitive answer to such questions. Especially when your local drug rep has just offered you a sheaf of paperwork detailing why this might be a great new use for an old favorite drug.

Still, I gotta think that “I don’t know” might be a better start than “How about an antidepressant?” A fabulous followup might be “I’ll try to find out what other options might be helpful.”

A simple medical professional review session is in order here for all healthcare professionals involved in the care of menopausal women. And all menopausal goddesses are invited to read along to learn how to frame some of their questions in discussions about symptom relief or management.
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Review Statement # 1:   There is no silver bullet.
This is a phrase often used in health care circles to mean that there is no single drug, therapy, or regimen that will eradicate, alleviate, or cure any given syndrome or set of symptoms.

(It is well known that health professionals speak their own language – not sure where the silver bullet metaphor came from unless it was referring to the single thing that can kill a werewolf. While we may feel like we change as much as these lupine creatures during menopause, there really is no silver bullet for us.)

Review Statement # 2    All treatments have adverse or side effects.
Duh! And antidepressants have some whoppers!

Review Statement # 3    All Patients Are Individual
You wouldn’t think that this would even need saying. I heard it over and over again in nursing school. Still…………..

Review Statement # 4    Choose the least interventional option first for any symptom or disease state.
Okay, fans, moisture wicking clothing, natural progesterone cream, and go up from there. Need I say more?  To suggest that HRT or antidepressants are the first or second or only answers goes contrary to this very basic rule. Never try to shoot a fly with an elephant gun.  At least not until it goes rogue.

Review Statement # 5    Conduct a Risk-Benefit Analysis before prescribing treatment.
Take into account severity of symptoms, prognosis, and medical history versus possible benefits minus adverse effects or danger of future medical problems. In other words, examine the risks and potential benefits for each individual patient together with that patient. The operative word being Together.

Are antidepressants bad?  Or wrong? Heck, no. If one is suffering from depression that interferes significantly with daily living, these drugs can literally be lifesavers. This type of clinical depression is an indication that the benefits might outweigh the not inconsiderable risks. Should they be a first line for hot flash relief? Absolutely and unequivocally NO. The risk-benefit teeter totter will be weighted the other way.

Review Statement # 6    Involve the Patient In His/Her Own Healthcare
Duh again. Yes, it’s inconvenient. Yes, it will likely take longer. And the outcome will likely be far more satisfying for all concerned.

To be fair, I can’t tell you how many physicians over the years have told me that their patients don’t want to be that involved in care decisions; they just want to be told what to do. It’s possible we consumers have been at fault by not communicating our desire for involvement or by being too compliant or passive.

We need to prove them wrong and take an active role in symptom relief and control. Empower yourself, ask questions, seek information and move ahead as a full fledged participant in your own Menopause journey.

What did M do when she left her MD’s office? She shopped around., albeit hot flashing, grumbling, and sleep deprived.

She found an integrative wellness clinic that offered wellness counseling including dietary solutions and bioidentical hormones. Options were offered only after extensive testing for her hormone status, including thyroid as well as cortisol, estrogen and progesterone levels. She’s feeling 100% better. Especially since she is now in partnership with her healthcare provider/s.

Want to learn more about your own options? Check out Women In Balance, a non-profit organization dedicated to educating women about their health and wellness options.

I’ve started collecting Menopause Moments; real-life vignettes of all the wild and weird sequelae of the Big M. Why?  Because when these RIDICULOUS things happen, we mistakenly believe we are the only ones who have ever been afflicted so bizarrely. And that’s just not true. Thankfully!  Weirdness loves company – especially of the girlfriend persuasion.

Here’s a stranger than fiction Menopause Moment starring my friend M. She just recently began the menopause transition but it already has twisted up her life in unimaginable ways. One normal/abnormal day, she suffered one of those mind-altering, body immolating hot flashes.  You know the ones – where you are boiling from the inside out.

She rushed into the bathroom where they have a pedestal type sink and turned on the cold water. Just splashing it on her face would have been like spitting on a forest fire, though, and she knew it.  So she took off her shoes, climbed up on the sink and plunged both hands and both feet into the sinkful of water.

As her volcanic level temperature was drifting down from eruption to ooze, her mate opened the door to see her all hunched up on the edge of the sink. “Wow!” he said. “You look like a menopausal squirrel.”  She looked down at herself, looked back up at him, and they both burst into  peals of laughter.

I’m telling you; we can’t make this stuff up!  It’s just too outside the normal realm of human experience. Yep, the Big M. It ain’t for sissies and it sure does make us squirrely. The good news?  Squirrels have a sense of humor. So share your menopausal moment – we could use the laugh! It’s the only thing getting us through.  That and chocolate. Let’s hear it for menopausal squirrels!

If life is a dance, Menopause just might be an unwanted dance partner. But we can’t refuse to dance, so we just have to find new steps or laugh when we can’t remember the old ones.

This past week I was attending a Hawai`ian Healing and Hula workshop with Kumu Hula (Hula Master) Kawaikapuokalani Hewett. The workshop was organized by Holistic Honu Wellness Center in Sacramento, California. Yep, hula in Sacramento even though I live in Hawai`i.

Hula is a fantastic discipline for Menopause Goddesses. Firstly, it offers low impact aerobic conditioning. You gain flexibility in your body AND your mind. Learning the songs and chants are a great exercise for training memory – and you have the added benefit of learning it in a new language which stretches the old brainpan even more.

I’ve been dancing hula for about ten years now. I started before the word Menopause ever crossed my mind. While I like to think that my dancing has improved over time, thanks to the Big M, there are occasional glitches I couldn’t have foreseen.

Case in point:  we had just learned a new dance and as is the norm, each row of dancers moved up to the front in turn to practice the full song in front of our Kumu. I was feeling pretty good, I knew the words, steps, and gestures so it was with no anxiety or trepidation that I moved forward with my row of hula sisters and brothers.

Suddenly, as the first strains of the beautiful music began, a volcanic vent opened inside me. Fiery heat spread through my entire body; I began sweating like a pua`a (pig), and my mind went truly blank. It was as if the screen in my mind were wiped clean. I got an image of those gray Magic Slates we had as children where we could write or draw on them with a special “pen” and then pull it up and away from the backing to completely erase all marks. That was my mind. A hot flash had just erased EVERYTHING!

Well, time and hula wait for no one, so the music began. And I limped through the song, praying for snow and for my memory to return.  By the end of the song, the tropical tantrum was easing off and I managed to eke out a finish while my dignity just packed up and left me.

So I did what I always do in these circumstances.  I laughed. Deep in my belly and down to my toes.

And  then I sat at dinner with my hula sisters ( Big hugs to you, Jeane and Janny) and we shared our Menopause stories from blank slates to volcanic hot flashes to memory loss moments.  These fabulous women even wrote a song together a few workshops back about Menopause and memory loss.  Trouble is they can’t remember the words anymore. But hey, they still remember the sentiment.  And we’ll never forget the hilarity.

In hula, it’s much less important that you dance a song with technical perfection than that you dance with your whole heart and soul. The same can be said of life. Including and maybe especially the second half of life. So that’s my goal:  to be fully present to the dance; all the changes and all the new steps, with openness, grace, and a fully developed sense of humor.

I’m not from the South. I have no roots or ancestral connections there, although my Mom and Dad retired to Alabama’s Gulf Coast some years ago. But I LOVE Southern women.

I love the steel magnolia- tell it like it is in such a genteel tone that you may not get it til later- way of communicating. And I especially love Southern women’s humor.

My latest fave is Shellie Rushing Tomlinson, who does “On The Porch” chats about All Things Southern.

And here is one she did on a topic near and not so dear to our hearts: Hot Flashes.

Forward it to your menopause goddess sisters, and especially to all the men who will benefit greatly from her wisdom and understanding of how to deal with the Change.