Archive | Hot Flashes RSS feed for this section

Bigger Than Hot Flashes

By on July 8, 2007 in Aging Gracefully, Hot Flashes, Life Changes & Stages

My apologies for not posting a blog entry in the last couple of weeks. I don’t know if my paucity of ideas and motivation were due to post-traumatic stress, laziness, or some weird sort of combo effect. Shortly after my last posting, my hometown was swept by a wildfire. It was huge, fanned by strong winds and exacerbated by an extremely dry winter. Summoning heroic effort, firefighters fought the blaze which threatened the entire town of South Lake Tahoe, bringing the conflagration to its knees. Over 200 homes were lost, yet it could have been so much worse. Thankfully no one was hurt. (My house was fine; several friends were not so lucky.) Strangely enough, you can’t see the scars unless you know where to look – the lake and town look beautiful as ever to the casual observer.

Menopause and midlife challenges definitely took a backseat these past two weeks to a more immediate and massive metamorphosis. Now that the process of rebuilding, restoring, and healing has begun, things are returning to some semblance of normalcy. And our more personal changes are asserting themselves once again, so expect the blog to start heating up again. Let’s hope that’s all that heats up for awhile!

Comments { 0 }

A Change In The Weather

By on June 23, 2007 in Aging Gracefully, Hot Flashes, Life Changes & Stages, Menopause in Community

"Middle-aged women are the people most likely to watch the Weather Channel," my husband read to me from the newspaper. "Isn’t that strange?"
"Not really," I said sheepishly, as if confessing some secret desire. "I think The Weather Channel is interesting."
"Why?", my husband asked, mystified. "You can check the weather you need to know on the internet in a matter of minutes. Why watch it as entertainment?"

After prolonged musing, I think understand why the demographic of The Weather Channel might be women of a certain age. We feel intimately connected to weather. The only thing that is changing as much as we are moment-to-moment IS the weather.
Some of the changes (in weather and in us) are dramatic upheavals – tornados, hurricanes, and the like, turning everything upside down. Other changes occur over time – prolonged heat and drought desiccates and desertifies the land. We can relate to this all too well, as hot flashes singe our individual landscapes and lack of hormonal rainfall leaves us hot, parched, and dry.

Watching the weather is comforting and reassuring for this menopausal woman. While these climactic changes are sometimes uncomfortable and hard to bear, they are NORMAL. The Earth recovers from weather’s onslaughts and new growth appears. A landscape may be trashed for a time, but it ultimately rejuvenates. It may never be as it was before, but it will be fine. And so will we.

Comments { 2 }

Menopause – Dear Goddess, When Will It End?

By on May 27, 2007 in Hot Flashes, Menopause & Emotion, Physical Menopause Symptoms

The question I hear most often from menopausal goddesses are these. Will my symptoms ever get better? Will this ever end?

The answers are Yes and No, respectively.

Every woman’s menopause is different. Still, the worst of the symptoms seems to last about two years. The mental fog banks dissipate into light, patchy fog. The ass-dragging fatigue makes way for more energy and vitality. Memory and sharpness return, though rarely to pre-menopausal levels.

Hot flashes lessen in frequency and severity, libido actually returns (though again rarely reaching pre-menopausal lust levels), and emotional highs and lows change from tsunami proportions to small wavelets.

However, there doesn’t seem to be an actual destination on this journey. New changes unfold each and every day, whether due actually to the Big M or growing older. Rae-Venus is fond of saying that menopause is a process and it helps to approach it as such. We need to continue to ask questions and to look actively for answers. Embracing the process, even when it sucks.

Comments { 0 }

Mentalpause

By on May 1, 2007 in Hot Flashes, Menopause & Emotion

My hard drive crashed this week. Kaput. DOA. Am I angry? Not at all. I have a great deal of empathy for my poor computer. My own brain augered in months ago with the advent of Mentalpause. And unlike my Mac, I am definitely past warranty.

Some days I can barely remember anything. I lay my car keys down in the store and walk out with out them. I forget what I went in the room for. I forget the thought that just popped into my head. And I forget words!!! Words that I know!! In my native tongue!! That I’ve been speaking profusely if not well since about 1 year of age. I’m reduced to drawing diagrams in the air to describe the word that stubbornly resists my best efforts at archival retrieval. "I need the…" (squeezing motion with hand)" "Scissors?" asks my husband. "Yes, of course," I snap. "I knew it all the time."

And then there’s "menopausal dyslexia". Prior to the Change, I NEVER transposed numbers nor did I forget how to spell words. And I could read a map – in fact, I was a darn good navigator. Now sadly, I feel like a poster child (okay poster crone) for dyslexia. I flip numerals, maps look like incomprehensible squiggles to my tired eyes, and thank the computer gods for spellchecker or you might not be able to make heads nor tails out of this blog.

My sister goddesses are going through the same distressing mind changes in Mentalpause. We are talking, laughing, and weeping about them. Some days, that’s my only comfort.

Comments { 2 }

Hot Flash Prevention – Avoiding the ?Triggers?

By on April 20, 2007 in Hot Flashes, Menopause Relief & Treatment

A number of external stimuli can trigger a hot flash and most health ‘experts’ recommend avoiding them to decrease amount and severity of your hot flashes. Caffeine, chocolate, and alcoholic beverages are three of the main culprits associated with hot flashes. You may choose to decrease your consumption of these substances or avoid them altogether. The Venuses as a group felt that giving up these three pleasures was tantamount to living a life without sunshine. After all, we had already relinquished so many of the pleasures we once took for granted: sleeping through the night, having a sex drive, and a firm, youthful body. A couple of our goddesses already avoid caffeine or alcohol, but most of us think we’d rather give up our health care consultants than our wine, chocolate, or coffee.

Other hot flash inducers include but are not limited to: warm weather, tight clothing, synthetic clothing, hot beverages, anything touching your skin, movement, sitting still, hot food, down pillows or comforters, and breathing. Some of these you can avoid, others you just have to live with Unfortunately. If your discomfort is still an 11 on a scale of 1 to 10, you might want to avail yourself of a remedy. Among us, we’ve tried them all! We’ll share our best info, advice, and cautions in succeeding blog entries.

PS to all you goddesses out there. What topics are most pressing to you right now? Perimenopause? Heavy bleeding? Hot Flashes? Decreased libido? HRT vs herbal vs bioidenticals? Emotional changes? Mental changes? Midlife – where do we go from here? Let us know either in the comments section or by clicking on contact us at the top of the Home page so that we can make this conversation most relevant to you.

Comments { 3 }

From Hot Flash to Creative Fire

By on April 13, 2007 in After the Pause, Hot Flashes, Positive Changes

I remember hearing in the distant past that fire is necessary for growth, that redwood seeds are ignited to grow when fire moves through. Perhaps our hot flashes have germinated the creative seed that lies within each of us. Or maybe I’m just trying to find SOME good reason for the enervating bursts of heat that inflict us menopausal goddesses.

No matter the reason, all the Venuses have felt the creative urge increase in intensity as we poise on the brink of the midlife that menopause signifies. The desire to ‘make’ something, to create, collage, or cultivate an artistic endeavor feels like an itch that we just have to scratch. We take up beading, musical instruments, knitting, photography, painting, calligraphy, pottery, gourmet cooking, poetry, handmade books, fabric arts, dance, stamping, and scrapbooking. Rae-Venus and I began creating one-of a kind art cards. They sell in the Moloka`i Fine Arts gallery. (a sample of today’s work/play is the photo for this blog entry.)

Giving in to our creative urges, in whatever modality or art we choose, is a nurturing, fulfilling process. Schedule an "art day" soon, alone or with a best girlfriend. (adapted from our upcoming book "Venus Comes of Age".)

Comments { 1 }

Mates of Menopause: An Open Letter from the Goddesses

By on March 16, 2007 in Hot Flashes, Men and Menopause

It’s not personal. It’s not that we don’t love you any more or find you attractive. If we are remote, weepy, cranky, or so hot that we can’t stand to be touched, it’s not about you. Even though it affects you. We are just doing our best. Imagine if you went from 16 to 60 hormonally in a matter of months. I know it’s hard to conceive of such a drastic event – your changes happen over decades, hormone levels sloping gently downward. We women are pushed abruptly off a hormonal cliff. It’s like puberty….without the good parts. Small wonder that we are almost crawling out of our skin at times.

We are not only driving you fruity, we’re driving ourselves crazy. Like in puberty. And it feels like there’s nothing we can do about it. Awareness only comes to us when we talk to other menopausal women and we find out that this process is NORMAL.

You just want the girl you married to come back? Guess what! So do we, but right now she’s nowhere in sight. The good news (according to our wise woman girlfriends) is that this transition will ease and things will get better.

What can you do? Please try to be patient, understand us and be kind. You can’t fix this, though we dearly wish that you could. Little gestures mean a lot, as illustrated by the following story:

Tori-Venus and I were sitting in her kitchen with our husbands, deep in discussion. Suddenly, the fire from inside began building – hot flashes struck both of us at the same moment. Without a word or break in the discussion, Tori’s husband stood up, wet two towels with cold water, and handed them to Tori and me. As we mopped our faces with the blessedly cool cloths, I asked him "How did you know?" "Your faces turned beet red, and I just knew," he answered calmly. Small gesture – huge help. His empathy inspired our deepest gratitude. This whole thing sucks…..and our mate cares. That’s all we really want.

Comments { 1 }

Burn It Again For The First Time, Menopause Goddesses Escape The Tyranny of Constrictive Clothing

By on March 10, 2007 in Hot Flashes, Physical Menopause Symptoms

While I didn’t actually burn my bra the first time back in the late 60′s/early 70′s, I did so symbolically. I simply refused to wear one in honor of the emancipation of women. Of course, I caved later when I entered the workplace, strapping myself into my 34B harness every day. It didn’t bother me all that much at the time. Now with the advent of menopause, a lot of us are ‘burning’ our bras. (Okay, not really – we don’t want to contribute to air pollution.) However, we are saying good-by to discomfort, binding, and entrapping clothing. Maybe it’s also time to let go of uncomfortable and constricting ways of being. We can break free – just like we did in the 60′s.

Comments { 0 }

A Pause Felt ‘Round the World

By on February 18, 2007 in Hot Flashes, Menopause in Community, Physical Menopause Symptoms

Menopause is a singularly unifying experience for all women. It transcends social, cultural, economic, language, and other barriers to bring us together in a flash. Literally. Case in point: I climb aboard the Budget van at LAX to ride to the rental car lot. Our driver is a gorgeous fiftyish African-American woman with heroically long fingernails and beaded tresses. She looks really good (for her age.) As I embark, she asks me if the van’s temperature is too cold. In fact, it is nearly arctic – and feels just fabulous to me. Before I can voice my opinion, however, she eyes me critically. "Oh, I don’t need to ask you." she told me in full voice. "I know you understand how it is. I’m hot all the time these days, so I have to check to see if I’m freezing my poor passengers with the A/C cranked up so high."

We bond emotionally, instantly, recognizing each other as fellow changelings. My husband follows me to the front, content to observe our cameraderie. He doesn’t mind the cold; he’s had to live with the human furnace lately. Three other passengers in their 70′s mumble that they are fine and sit in the rear of the bus. She shares immediately, "I could not figure out what was wrong with me! I was hot, sweating all night. It was awful. My mom told me ‘honey, you’re just goin’ through the Change.’ Well, I never expected this! What do you do for it? And how long is it going to go on?" HRT wasn’t an option she wanted to consider, at least not yet. I tell her about natural progesterone cream. "It will save your sanity by letting you sleep." She writes down the recommendation while continuing to drive down Sepulveda Boulevard, seemingly steering with her knees. She roars with laughter when my husband chimed in "It saved MY sanity! I have to live with her." She shows me a cute little fan that she wore on a string around her neck, and I have to get out my pen and notepad. Horror stories are swapped. We discuss clothing and herbs and trade tricks (eg. sticking one’s head in the freezer for a few minutes, during the worst of a flash). Bras? "Can’t wear ‘em no more. Just can’t stand ‘em" she says. I lifted my shirt up high to show my pink cami top, proclaiming "You have to get these – to wear as your bottom layer, so you can strip down and still be decent." "Got ‘em! In every color!", she rejoined.

We are menopausal goddess sisters. Are we different? Sure. She’s a city girl. I live rurally. She works with the public and I am a solitary entrepreneur. She’s African-American and I’m Caucasian. But we are both women going through the biggest life transition we’ve ever encountered. And we can’t help talking to each other about it. We embrace like family at the rental lot admonishing one another to ‘Stay cool’. As we step off the van, the lone woman in the trio at the back smiles and nods at both of us. Her male companions simply look shell-shocked.

Comments { 1 }

The Heat is On – And We Can?t Turn It Off

By on February 12, 2007 in Hot Flashes, Physical Menopause Symptoms

PMS. The bloating, the cramping, headaches and irritability – who could have known that it was the barest hint of what was to come?? Who imagined that we could and would feel so so so much worse? Hot flashes may be the most intense of physical changes symptomatic of the Change. When your body temperature goes from 98.6 to 3098.6 in the space of a heartbeat, your attention becomes solely fixated on that HEAT! No matter what clever euphemism is chosen to describe these incendiary bursts: power surge, short personal trip to the tropics and the like, the fact remains that they peg the discomfort needle well into the red zone.

The word "Flash" is actually a misnomer except in relating the intensity and speed of onset. It can be likened to a strike of a lightning bolt. Flash conjures up images of "short", "burst", "over with quickly". But alas, that is rarely the case. A flash can last 5-15 minutes, or more for some of us. A menopausal theory of relativity applies here. (As so much with womanly experience, this is scientifically unproven, but anecdotally FACT. Just ask a group of midlife women.) As we approach the heat of light, time slows down and that five minute hot flash seems like a blazing eternity. Telling us to go to hell is an empty threat. Been there, done that.

Our Goddess group ultimately have agreed that the next person who tells us that they think of hot flashes as wonderful ‘power surges’ gets the full brunt of our fury. Power surges are a serious hazard. Ask any electrician. We need industrial strengh surge protectors – we are frying our circuits!

(excerpted from the upcoming book by and about the Goddesses.)

Comments { 0 }