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A Nude Awakening For A Menopausal Goddess

By on January 22, 2009 in Life Changes & Stages, Physical Menopause Symptoms, Positive Changes

Nudity. I don’t like to contemplate it anymore. Oh, I’m not philosophically opposed to it in any way, shape, or form – except the way, shape and form that I personally inhabit these days. Menopause and time have morphed me into someone I don’t recognize. Especially naked.

After my morning shower, I look in the mirror and I literally scramble to put on my clothes. I try to view myself from limited vantage points when confronted by my reflection. I’ve become an expert at the millisecond glance. Things have shifted, slipped, and padded in ways that I never envisioned. I’m equal parts fascinated and horrified.

Some days, I think to myself "oh what the heck, this is what a fifty-something woman looks like. I look ‘good for my age’. " (At one time, I thought the phrase "looks good for her age" was insulting, now it seems like a legitimate compliment.) Luckily, if my husband notices that I’m not the svelte young thing I once was, well, bad eyesight and good sense keep him from remarking on it.

Recently, I was lamenting (sounds slightly more highbrow than whining) to my massage/healing practitioner about how I want to lose weight. "No!" he commanded loudly. "No! You’re healthy. Why are women always worrying so much about their weight? Stop it! If you tell me that you want to get stronger and more fit, great. And if you tone and tighten as a byproduct of that, well okay. But NO setting out to lose weight."

"But," I whined on. "My clothes are tight."

"Then go around naked more," he admonished. "Clean house in the nude – write in the nude – pay bills in the nude."

So I’m trying his advice. Luckily, we live in an extremely rural area, so there are no neighbors or passersby to offend. Our long driveway gives me plenty of warning, should I need to make myself presentable for company.

My husband seems to like this new development. The cats don’t seem to care. (Although the lap sitting is a bit of the problem when they contentedly start to knead my thighs with their claws. Pillows help.)

And I have to say that I’m feeling much better about my fifty year old shape. It’s voluptuous, it’s mature, and it’s healthy. Most important, it’s mine.

(For more menopause and midlife wisdom from our Venus community, click below to order The Big M – and don’t forget our girlfriend’s special – buy one at full price and get the second at half price! the Big M

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A Secret Method For Saving The Midlife Woman

By on January 17, 2009 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages, Menopause in Community, Positive Changes

In my last blog entry I promised to share a miraculous, foolproof secret method for extricating yourself from overcommitment. Okay, get ready. Drum roll please. Wait for it………the magical technique is to simply WRITE A BOOK. Actually, all you have to do is to START writing a book.

I can hear you now, oh skeptical ones. "Oh, great, why doesn’t she tell me to perform brain surgery too. Or paint the Mona Lisa, Part II. Is this a joke?"

Nope. Not a joke. I’ve written two books so far, and I can tell you this. All you have to do is start. Write "My Book" at the top of a page and by "your name" underneath it. There. You’ve started.

Don’t worry about publishing or what to do with it later – write it for yourself. Or your kids. By this time of your life, I know that you have something to say. Or some favorite recipes for your own cookbook. Or a fanciful tale that you’ve told nieces, nephews, grandchildren.

My first book, "The Everyday Enneagram, A Personality Map for Enhancing Your Work, Love, and Life……Everyday" started out as a simple workbook for my students so that they could apply the insights of the Enneagram personality system for themselves. Like Topsy, it just grew. Before I knew it, I was an author. That’s how it starts: one page at a time.

And here’s the best part about starting your own writing project. When you beg off extra committee work or attempt to extricate yourself from yet another volunteer conscription or even to say no to social obligations, all you have to say is "I’m sorry – I’d love to, but I’m working on a book." These words are as magical as "Open Sesame" was in that well worn fairy tale. People will back off immediately and likely say "Oh, I understand." Right after they say, "What are you writing about?" You can tell them if you know your writing end goal or you can say "I’m not sure yet where it is going" or "it’s personal".

I didn’t know the power of these magic words "I’m working on a book" until I started writing my second book. My time became my own again. And I was able to pick and choose which activities to engage in without guilt or subtle pressure. Coworkers, friends, committee members gave me unasked for but desperately needed support. And I didn’t have to choke out that oh-so-difficult word "no". It was understood.

And before you say that you can’t do it, that you don’t have a book in you – remember some books are very small. A large book is only 15 term papers of 20 pages each. You wrote more than that in just your high school career. Children’s stories are often very short.

Go ahead, dear menopause goddess. Free yourself. Start your book. Extricate yourself from unwanted or excessive obligations. And who knows? You might just be in for a very pleasant surprise. You might discover that you have a book in you after all!

(For more menopause and midlife wisdom from our Venus community, click below to order The Big M – and don’t forget our girlfriend’s special – buy one at full price and get the second at half price! the Big M

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Overcommitment: A New Wrinkle in The Lives of Menopause Goddesses

By on January 11, 2009 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages, Positive Changes

I’m not talking about a wrinkle that can be smoothed out by expensive creams or emollients. This wrinkle is one strictly of our own making. It’s the "Overcommitment" wrinkle and it can become entrenched before we know it.

It starts with the best of intentions. Confronting the second half of our lives, we menopausal goddesses often wish to make a contribution, to leave a legacy, to help make our world a better place. Alas, for midlife women, a disturbing trend takes place as we volunteer, mentor, and generally give back. We overcommit. We overextend. We overdo. In the midst of rediscovering ourselves, we lose ourselves. Again.

One of our Venuses recently shared that her fulfilling work for the local Lyme disease network coupled with volunteer time spent teaching school children about healthy food was now eating into that most precious of commodities: time to nurture herself.

Another of our satellite Venuses is retired, though not at all RETIRING. And she has found herself involved with a number of boards that are becoming the bulk of her "free" time. She laughs that she is working harder now than when she was part of the "workforce".

And for so many Venuses who are still part of the traditional workforce? Committees, charities, and extra work projects can insidiously leach into limited free time.

These stories are all too common. Having spent years nurturing others ( spouses, coworkers children, bosses) we are in the habit of saying "yes" when asked for help of any kind. Couple this with our desire to contribute and our natural feminine inclinations and you’ve got a setup for overcommitment and burnout.

We need to create a new volunteerism. We need a "SAVE THE MIDLIFE WOMAN" campaign. We need to extricate her from the nets of helping, much like we save dolphins from fishermans’ nets. We need to create habitat for her to nurture herself, whether it be a room or a corner or a space in a closet. A space that is her personal natural environment where she can retreat to daydream, make art, journal, or sleep if she wishes.

And when she is able to fill herself up with glorious, delicious TIME, she can then choose those arenas in which she will give her time and energy. With limits. With boundaries. Always with an eye to her most important project: Herself.

I’ll be the first to say that my own volunteering and giving back is incredibly rewarding, even necessary to me. But I’ll also cop to saying "yes" to too many wonderful endeavors only to find them becoming obligations and burdens rather than joys. Simply because "I" got lost in the shuffle. And losing oneself is a guaranteed fast track to resentment and exhaustion.

So join me. The time is now. "Save The Midlife Woman". It’s a good first step toward saving so much more.

(Stay tuned for the next blog entry where I’ll share a miraculous, foolproof secret method for extricating yourself from overcommitment.)

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A Call For Simplicity in 2009

By on January 4, 2009 in Life Changes & Stages, Menopause in Community, Positive Changes

Most menopausal goddesses and their families greet this New Year with hope and trepidation. With the somewhat stark economic realities facing us, we gain a chance to look at what we spend with new eyes – moneywise AND timewise.

Theresa-Venus wrote in her own blog of Nov. 13, 2008 about Rediscovering Simple Joy. Potlucks replace dining out. Canoeing and cross-country skiing replace concerts and movies. (And as she notes, the exercise is a fantastic bonus!) Theresa’s blog

We’ve been gathering with family and friends to play Scrabble and watch old movies, ski and hike, eat and well……eat some more. If the adage is true that "what you do on the first day of the year is how you’ll likely spend the whole 12 months to come", then we’re in for a very RICH year indeed..

We wish you richness and delight in all things simple and truly important. Happy 2009!

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Happy Holidays for Menopausal Goddesses, Bolster Your Boundaries

By on December 19, 2008 in Life Changes & Stages, Menopause & Emotion, Positive Changes

Boundaries. They are an issue that we menopausal goddesses have dealt with all our lives. We’ve explored our boundary problems over and over again at our Venus meetings. Years of excessive pleasing, helping, and giving have made us all too permeable and eventually just plain exhausted. And at no time is this more apparent than around the holidays.

We baby boomers, heck just women in general, bought into the Superwoman myth in our youth – and now we’re trying to be Supercrones. We could bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never never let him forget he’s a man. (As if he ever could!) Now at holiday time, we can work, craft, cook for our extending family, and be the best grandparents/aunts/elders the younger generation has ever seen. Yikes! A sure recipe for hapless holidays.

So it is with great joy that I can report at least one Venus-in-training has gently and successfully bolstered her boundaries. My daughter-in-law to be, Shana, and my son, Brian, invited us (and much more family) for Thanksgiving. I wondered how Shana would cope with all the stress of having way too many family members, cooking, and entertaining, since she has been working nonstop on editing the feature film she wrote and directed. I needn’t have worried – she is WAY smarter than I ever was.

She bought dinner – all cooked to perfection, by experts. My son and she set the table the day before – and – it was truly one of the best Thanksgivings I can remember. (The others were choreographed by Bobbi-Venus).

We actually visited and hung out together. We took the dogs for a walk. We watched a cheesy, fun movie. No one was sweaty, stressed, cranky, or tired. There was no clusterfunk in the kitchen. And the meal? Simply fantastic.

As the Venuses dissected, probed, and analyzed our all too feminine loose boundaries, we came up with advice for our daughters and the young Venuses in training. (Excerpted from The Big M).

"Set Appropriate Boundaries
Whew! This is a hard one since we are still learning how to manage this task ourselves. (Just read the first half of this chapter if you want to know how hard.) In order to have clear boundaries, you must know yourself. What are your values, beliefs, and break points? You must know how to care for yourself as well as you care for others. Start with self-knowledge, acceptance, and compassion and you will be well on the way to knowing your boundaries.

Watch for unconscious patterns such as wanting everyone to like you, pleasing everyone but yourself, minimizing your own accomplishments, and putting yourself last. Awareness is the key to breaking the hold of such habits.

One last word about boundaries – awareness must extend to others’ boundaries. While that may seem contradictory, appropriate boundary setting involves not only recognizing your own boundaries but honoring others as well. Unfortunately we’ve known (and been) too many women who finally discover their boundaries only to bludgeon others around them with their newfound discovery."
As for Shana? She could teach us menopausal goddesses a thing or two. And I’m so ready to learn.

(Only 6 more shopping days til Christmas – click below to order The Big M – and don’t forget our girlfriend’s special – buy one at full price and get the second at half price! Merry Christmas! the Big M

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Venus Comes of Age – Again and Again

By on October 27, 2008 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages, Positive Changes

This weekend is the sixth annual gathering of the Venus group of Menopausal Goddesses. As with every year, we have a "focus" – an agenda that is cast not in concrete but in jello – a loose and bouncy structure subject to Change (kind of like us.)

First and foremost, we plan to celebrate the release of our book "The Big M". It’s been five years of no blood, much sweat and many tears in the making and finally, we have a "bible" for our sister goddesses so they don’t have to struggle as much as we did.

Second, we want to continue exploring our becoming the women we wish to be. With that in mind, this year we’ll attempt to answer two questions:

1. How do we spend our time? (This is, of course, a leading question – addressing our choices, dreams, desires and so forth.)

2. What are our Best Management Practices for this time of life? (We’ll address Menopause, of course, but more important midlife and our Second Act, if you will.)

Question two developed from a focus in the Lake Tahoe basin on Best Management Practices that are mandated to maximize and preserve the health and clarity of the Lake. We are in support of this concept for the Lake, but also for ourselves. Who is more in need of clarity and health than we menopausal goddesses?

With this in mind, we invite you to ponder these questions for yourselves – share with your women friends and comment here to share your insights with our virtual community of midlife Venuses. We’ll report our findings, thoughts, ramblings, wit, and wisdom right here just as soon as we all recover from the gathering.

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“The Big M” – The Menopause Bible is On Sale Now

By on September 16, 2008 in Life Changes & Stages, Menopause & Emotion, Menopause in Community, Physical Menopause Symptoms, Positive Changes

Finally, "The Big M" by Lynette Sheppard (and the community of menopausal goddesses) is available. Just click on the "Buy it Now" link on the right of this website. And our introductory "Girlfriends" offer is on for a limited time, where you can buy the first copy at the regular price and get the second for half price to – of course – give to a girlfriend. (And yes, if you buy a third, you get the fourth for half price, and so on. Some of us have lots of girlfriends!)

You may also download the first chapter of "The Big M" at our sister website: The Big M Website

Let us know what you think – and any additions, ideas, or stories that should be added to the next edition. Remember, we don’t have to go through this transition alone. In fact, I’d DEFINITELY recommend that we take this journey together. The only way we can survive and eventually thrive is through women sharing wisdom and supporting each other through the Changes of Menopause, Midlife, and More.

Finally, "The Big M" by Lynette Sheppard (and the community of menopausal goddesses) is available. Just click on the "Buy it Now" link on the right of this website. And our introductory "Girlfriends" offer is on for a limited time, where you can buy the first copy at the regular price and get the second for half price to – of course – give to a girlfriend. (And yes, if you buy a third, you get the fourth for half price, and so on. Some of us have lots of girlfriends!)

You may also download the first chapter of "The Big M" at our sister website: thebigmwebsite.com and you can order it there by clicking the Buy It Now link on that site as well. Questions – click on "Contact" at the upper right of this page.

Let us know what you think – and any additions, ideas, or stories that should be added to the next edition. Remember, we don’t have to go through this transition alone. In fact, I’d DEFINITELY recommend that we take this journey together. The only way we can survive and eventually thrive is through women sharing wisdom and supporting each other through the Changes of Menopause, Midlife, and More.

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Midlife Meandering for Menopausal Gals

By on August 25, 2008 in Life Changes & Stages, Positive Changes

"Want to do this with me?" queried Theresa’s email about the Scott Kelby Worldwide Photo Walk – Lake Tahoe hosted by photographer Jim Stamates. "Absolutely," I shot back. It sounded great – two hours photographing with other imagemakers here in Lake Tahoe and time hanging out with my girlfriend. Best of all, it was FREE.

Six o’clock Saturday morning, I was less enthusiastic.. It was semi-dark out, the rest of the sane world was asleep, I’m so not a morning person, and why was I thinking this sounded fun?

I drove my weary carcass over to Theresa’s house, fortified by caffeine and we headed out to the Tallac Historic Site. And it was…… stunning, glorious, heady. Clear air, flowers just waking, waves gently sliding into shore. And ohmigod, is that actually a hot air balloon over the water?

At the end of our two hours (which flew by), our group of photographers gathered for coffee and "chimping". (Chimping is the sound that digital photographers make as they review their shots on the back of the camera – ooh, ooh, ah, ah. No kidding, it’s in the dictionary now.)

We all remarked on how it felt so enlivening just to get out, just to wander and look, smell, hear. And we all bemoaned that fact that we just don’t do it often enough.

I know, I know, we are all so darn busy and what we do is so important (NOT). Well, if my work, obligations, and the stuff I HAVE to do ain’t life or death, I’m planning some little breaks in the action. (I was a critical care nurse in my former life: I know when it’s really life or death.)

I want to take some time to smell the roses, drink the coffee, eat the bagels, and walk the trails. It’s time to pay attention to some new occupations and preoccupations: watching the points of light on water, counting the flowers in a flowerbed, asking the birds what they’ve seen on their travels, admiring the colors of stone in a creekbed. This is our Second Act – we get to choose how we live it. Join me in making a commitment to ourselves: taking a slow walk or just sitting and looking in the back yard. Re-creation: it’s not just for fun anymore, it’s an absolute necessity!

See my photos from the walk; click below:

http://www.menopausegoddessblog.com/2008/08/25/photos-scott-k…alk-lake-tahoe/

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When Menopausal Women Can’t Fly

By on July 29, 2008 in Life Changes & Stages, Positive Changes

I’m stuck in La Guardia waiting for a flight that I know won’t happen, at least not tonight. Mother Nature is on a rampage along the entire Eastern seaboard and doesn’t show signs of getting over her snit anytime soon. I can relate – I’ve been there.

No planes are landing, none are taking off. I’m meeting menopausal women right and left, since most of us in the airport for the past six hours have become friends and family to one another. Literally the only two people I see showing signs of temper are in their twenties, demanding to get a flight out. We smile wearily and send silent sympathy to the gate agents.

After this many years, we goddesses have learned to take the serenity prayer to heart. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." I head back to New York City after 7 hours to a high thread count sheets and fluffy pillows, having had the serenity to accept the weather and the courage to step up and change my flight to 2 days later. (My wisdom also had the foresight to see that the next day in the airports would be a zoo and my commitments would just have to be rescheduled.) A big hello to all the menopausal goddesses and their spouses who were my airport mates – I hope all your travels are smooth from here on out. And if not? No matter. I know you all have the serenity to go with the flow.

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Menopause – New Growth or Going to Seed

By on June 27, 2008 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages, Positive Changes

I’ve been spending the last several days photographing and looking at flowers. In all stages. Buds, opening blooms, full-on vibrant blossoms, fading flowers. All different. All beautiful.

Since the advent of the Big M, I’ve suffered some confusion as to whether we goddesses are blossoming anew or beginning to wilt. Certainly, for me, the answer depends on the day. Or the hour. I sometimes feel like I’m the subject of one of those time lapse films where the flower goes from closed to open. Then in a diabolical turn, the film reverses and I go from open to closed. Closed, open. Open, closed. I don’t know if I’m blossoming or going to seed.

But what if it isn’t one or the other? What if it’s both? It seems that the nature of the menopause transition makes us more comfortable living with paradox. It sure makes us more comfortable dealing with change! Each of us may be growing and blooming into a new form, a new "me". At the same time we have seeds of wisdom that we disseminate to ourselves and one another. Like the rosebushes in the garden, we are budding, bursting forth into the sunlight, flashing our brightest colors and dropping a few petals here and there. All at the same time. All different. All beautiful.

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