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Free At Last: Simplifying and Letting Go of Stuff

By on December 3, 2011 in Positive Changes, Second Adulthood

Ceramic hula maiden and ukulele player © lynette sheppard

We had our Hawaii house painted white over the summer. And that’s where it all started.

Maybe the clutter was less noticeable when we had ash paneled rooms. Or maybe seeing the bookshelves and walls empty was like seeing our home as a blank canvas. Whatever the reason, Dewitt and I have decided to simplify, to declutter, to jettison stuff that is just clogging up our life.

Which is why we are ruthlessly attacking every closet, drawer, and space as if we are moving into a new home. And why our house looks like Hurricane Iniki looped back around for another pass right through our living/great room.

The inevitable disaster cleanup is taking a long time. We have to examine each article, tell its story, and decide: does it go or stay?

We have had an unfortunate habit of buying art and tchotchkes in equal measure when we travel. And we have traveled a lot, it seems. We briefly consider opening an eBay store called “Tchotchkes R Us”, but decide that is another form of clutter – time clutter. And we don’t need that! So out with the majority of the refrigerator magnets, unused hair adornments, and small statuary.

We have enough shells to repopulate Waikiki beach. Or stock a gift shop in Florida. We need to look more and stoop less when beachcombing. We say aloha to them and move them on.

And the automated cat toy that promised “hours of delightful fun and play for kitty” that our teenage boy cat ran from initially and was bored by later? Off to the thrift store.

Unappreciated Cat Toy © lynette sheppard

How, oh how, did we manage to accumulate 12 golf towels in pristine (read unused, ever) condition? Ah, the accretion factor. Before you know it, you are buried in stuff.

I think we are doing pretty well, so far. We ditched our stereo system for a Bose that takes up a quarter of the space. Our music library lives on our iPod anyway. I’ve thrown out all those weird Easter egg and Santa Claus earrings. We’ve donated a number of the books that we have carted all over creation for years to our local bookstore and the library.

We even decided to release our kitschy little ceramic hula maiden and ukulele player after their years of service (and dust collecting). They lay on top of the trash bin for nearly an hour, before Dewitt rescued them and they were relocated to the lanai. At least they are out of the living room. We are making progress.

Rescued From The Trash © lynette sheppard

Their New Home © lynette sheppard

Second adulthood is a time of letting go. To be sure, there are losses – of youth, smooth unwrinkled skin, and temperature control among others. But letting go can be cleansing and freeing as well. We are making space for our next phase. We are allowing a freshening breeze to blow through our lives.

Will we live in a spare, clean, Zen home after all the excess “stuff” is relocated? Probably yes, for at least a month or two. Until we get the urge to frequent an art gallery or the neighbor island ABC store. Then I’m guessing all bets will be off and the whole process will begin again! Gonna enjoy it whichever way it goes. Time to drag out the Christmas stuff…

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Women Changing The World – One Dinner at a Time

By on November 16, 2011 in Positive Changes, Who We're Becoming

That is the tagline for one of the most inspiring women to women endeavors I’ve ever seen. And we will tell you all about it.

Flash back to September and our annual Menopause Goddess gathering this year. We talked once again about legacy and contribution. MIdlife has made us all too aware that our time on this planet is limited. We wondered how we share might some of the blessings in our lives, whether it be through mentoring, volunteering, public service, or donations.

Then Cyn Venus told us about a project that she has been involved in for the past year called “Dining For Women”. This nonprofit organization was begun in 2003 by Marsha Wallace. The premise is simple: a group of women meet for a potluck dinner and donate the money they would have spent going out to eat to a cause benefiting women.

On their site, diningforwomen.org, they further describe their mission and vision:

“Dining for Women from the beginning has focused on improving the lives of women and girls worldwide, who often live on less than $1 a day. By focusing on women and girls, DFW empowers women to find solutions to the problems they face through education, healthcare, and economic development.”

“Our Mission
Dining for Women’s mission is to empower women and girls living in extreme poverty by funding programs that foster good health, education, and economic self‐sufficiency and to cultivate educational giving circles that inspire individuals to make a positive difference through the power of collective giving.

Our Vision
Our vision is to create a new paradigm for giving – collective giving on an immense scale while maintaining the intimacy of small groups with a focus on education and engaged giving.”

Dining For Women involves us in two of our favorite things: girlfriends and giving back. Okay, three if you count eating. And I do. I was sold on the idea from the minute Cyn described the concept. And then she shared the following video of the cause of the month for September, 2011: the Fistula Foundation in Ethiopia.  Warning: grab your Kleenex before you watch.

Want to know more about fistula incidence and options for women in Ethiopia? Read the novel “Cutting For Stone” by Abraham Verghese, a stunning story written by a physician that will break your heart wide open.

So: Dining For Women. $10 here. $15 there. Resulting in 1.2 million dollars raised over the eight years it has been in existence. Where else can we get so much return for our money? As for me, I’d much rather have a potluck with gal pals than go out to a restaurant where I have to dress up and be on my best behavior.

The website shows all the ways we can help whether we organize a potluck group that meets once per month or just shop in their Marketplace to support Dining For Women. Let’s see how many chapters we can create in the new year (not wanting to stress anybody out over the holidays. Although it may be a stress reducer to meet with girlfriends and commiserate/celebrate/what have you.)  And hey, what a great New Year’s resolution.

Women helping women. To quote my handsome spouse, Dewitt, “I can’t wait until women run the world.” Yep, me neither. But we’re getting there by doing what we do best. And after all, we are more than half the citizens on this little blue marble. Just sayin’… Dinner anyone?

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Contemplating Life After Menopause

By on September 7, 2011 in After the Pause

tuolumne river afternoon © lynette sheppard

During the worst of the menopause transition, we goddesses crave silence. The slightest noise can be an irritant, causing our shoulders to raise up to ear level and our jaw to clench hard enough to crack fillings. The cat breathing, the husband chewing his cereal, the freaking neighbor blowing the lame-ass leaves off his STUPID DRIVEWAY,.. where was I? Oh yes, noise irritation.

As with the majority of the travails of this passage, hypersensitivity to sound passes. We regain a semblance of auditory equanimity, although we may still be fans of quietude.

Still, there is something important to be gained from these annoyances that can serve us in the search for vibrance in our second adulthood. I’m talking about contemplation.

No, I’m not advocating naval gazing or oming or pillow sitting although these are all valuable practices. And good on you if you already avail yourself of these.

Mostly I’m talking about carving out time and space in a busy lifestyle to slow down, to listen, and to hear our own voices calling out from the silence. So many of the questions of midlife and second adulthood might only be answered with purposeful, contemplative breaks in the action.

Questions like: “What is my passion?” or :”What are my passionettes?” “What does it mean to me to age gracefully?” “How might I give back, what legacy shall I leave, if any?” And perhaps most important, “Who am I becoming?”

I just returned from a “vacation” in the High Sierra where Dewitt and I were able to contemplate literally all day long. Wandering aimlessly, appreciating, and photographing the natural beauty of the Dana Fork of the Tuolumne River each day renewed and refreshed us. The rushing white noise of the river and the turtle speed pace allowed my inner voice to surface.

It’s easy to slow down and listen in such an environment. Still, I’d like to make contemplation a part of my everyday life, even more than it is at present.

Reading is a meditation for me. As is photographing. Sometimes, though, the story or artful subject is so compelling that I get lost in it and no longer am hearing my inner voice. How then, might I craft contemplative time, even if only in bits and pieces?

Years ago, I bought a couple of small, powerful books. I just pulled them off the shelf again. Being Home by Gunilla Norris with photos by Greta D. Sibley is a series of meditations having to do with everyday life. Her little vignettes/prayers deal with such weighty subjects as “making the bed” and  “taking out the trash”.

Approaching housework as meditation can create the same open receptivity as sitting by the river. It’s a matter of intention and focus. I have the intention – these little mantras provide the focus. I’m going to avail myself of at least one each day until it becomes ingrained, as natural as the flowing of water. I suspect that it might take a while, but creating a delicious second adulthood is a process not an endgame.

My other little hardbound manifesto is called The Art of Doing Nothing by Veronique Vienne, photographed by Erica Lennard. This little guide to rest an relaxation boasts tiny chapters on the arts of yawning, procrastinating, lounging, napping, and more.
I plan to indulge in at least one of these practices of “being:” in the midst of all my “doing” each day. Perhaps as I bring these gifts more into my life, I will realize that they are not indulgences, but necessities for growing myself.

I’ll keep you all posted on my “progress”. I’d love to know how each of you incorporates contemplation in your life, how you connect with that inner wisdom, and what you have learned. The synergy we create with our sharing leads to exponential growth and positive change. Just ask the Venuses! I don’t know what I’d do without them. Or without all of you! Just sayin’….

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Roaming the Pacific NW: Second Adulthood

By on August 17, 2011 in Positive Changes, Second Adulthood

British Columbia Sunset © lynette sheppard

My friend and sister goddess Karen-Venus likes us to set aside a day or an afternoon to just go roaming.

Which means having no real plans, destination, or goal. Just being together, meandering. Eating, strolling, maybe shopping – just allowing ourselves to wander.

My handsome hubby. Dewitt, has adopted a saying from a Hawaiian rules T-shirt as his own personal credo: The unaimed arrow never misses. So it was with our recent meander up to British Columbia and eastern Washington state.

Of course, we made some plans – we had airline reservations, hotel and car rental from Seattle onward and plans to visit friends on Vancouver Island. The rest was up for grabs. Just the way we are growing to like it.

This phase of second adulthood reminds me of the best of childhood, when you would start a day not knowing what you would do or see, just experiencing the world as you happened upon it.

When you have no expectations, everything is a miracle. I made a new goddess friend (actually I believe we must be sisters that got separated somehow and found our way back to one another.) Never expected that!

Saw seals basking in the sun, drank wine on a boat while music from a concert drifted out to us bobbing on the sound, ate fabulous food and didn’t count the calories, watched rainbows and sunsets, met a farmer and a barber, hooked up with some Facebook photo pals who I’d not met in person before but felt like I knew so well, got lost in wheat fields and explored abandoned houses. Expected none of that either.

Of course, now I’m back home madly playing catch up. I’m a little behind on some things and a lot behind on others. But that feeling of peacefilled joy is hanging on. And when it dissipates, I’m going to try a little roaming around home.

Instead of powering through my walk to get it over with and check off the exercise portion of my day, I might just roam and see where I end up. Or I’ll hook up with Theresa-Venus and do some photo roaming where we may or may not actually take a photo.

It’s important to my second adulthood to make time for me – and being open to whatever, rather than being so quasi-organized and scheduled. Only one thing I want my Menopause Goddess sisters to do – remind me! And I’ll try to remind you too.

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Getting Rid of Excess Baggage: A Menopause Goddess Idea

By on July 28, 2011 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages

Aerial salt desert Utah © lynette sheppard

I love traveling. I hate packing.

To me, a plane flight is like a bubble bath at 30,000 feet. No phone calls, no doorbells, no chores staring you in the face. Just peace and quiet in a semi-reclining seat. Time to daydream, read my books on the iPad, or make iPhone photo art out of the aerial landscapes below.

Packing, on the other hand, sucks. I try to take as little as possible but there are certain necessary maintenance items like vitamins, supplements, prescriptions.  Emollients, lotions, and yes, sex butter.

The worst part is the decision making. What to wear? What is really necessary and what will I wish fervently that I had remembered. Oh and remembering! That’s huge. I have to start at least a few days ahead of time in order to have time to remember all the things I’d have forgotten. Gone are the days of packing the night (or hour) before.

So I dither and fret and obsess.  And whine and complain and make multiple trips to the store or pharmacy. And every time I end up asking myself why it’s so hard? Is it just the post menopausal me? This is the herculean task I must accomplish every time to get to that bubble bath and the joyful journey waiting like a fluffy, warm towel at the end of the flight?

I might be the only one who feels this way, but in case I am not, here’s a new business I’m proposing. How about a service where you email ahead your sizes and styles needed in clothing plus any special needs like certain toiletries, travel hair dryer and/or curling iron, even a tripod for your camera.
When you arrive at the airport, voila. A packed to order suitcase which you use and turn in as you leave. And hey, no luggage fees. Which have gotten pretty steep and could help finance your Rent A Travel Wardrobe.

Seriously, while I cannot and will not start another business, I am soooooooooo available to consult on this idea. Gratis. Because I believe this is an enterprise that is long overdue. Hey, maybe we could even get the airlines to chip in with a lower ticket price if we promise to bring no bags.

Or maybe my Menopause Brain is just working overtime on non-essential thoughts and ideas. Then again………….

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Practice Gratitudinal Healing

By on March 20, 2011 in Positive Changes

eagle falls reflection © lynette sheppard

Just over a year ago, I was writing about the tsunami warning and our evacuation here in Hawai`i after the Chilean earthquake. Deja vu all over again as Japan suffered a 9.0 quake and a huge tidal wave engulfed much of the coast.

Once again, we have much to be grateful for in Hawai`i. The tsunami caused some property damage, but we are all safe. Once again, our hearts hurt for our friends, known and unknown, across the sea.

I’ve talked to several of the Venuses who’ve felt tired, ill, depressed and/or frightened. I’ve been having nightmares every night. I have not had bad dreams since I was a child. Such a huge “disturbance in the force” affects us all. What to do?

Certainly, we wish to help. We can donate to relief funds and help our neighbors clean up if needed. What might we do beyond this?

My friend, Cathie Haynes, wrote a thought provoking post this week about celebration on her wonderful blog: BE-ing Rooted: a Practice in Essential Living. Confronted with the suffering and disaster, she did one of the only things we can do. Celebrate. Focus on what is important in life. See the extraordinary in the ordinary. And practice gratitude.

My husband, Dewitt Jones, sends out a photo and quote each week exhorting us to “Celebrate What’s Right With The World.” It’s simply a lovely reminder, a refocusing, and an affirmation of life. It’s something we need all the time and especially at times like these.  As he says, celebrating what’s right can give us the energy to fix what’s wrong. (Sign up to receive the Celebrate photos on his site - no charge, just spreading gratitude.)

How does this help? Do gratitude and celebration create positive vibrations in the force? Does kindness? I’m not sure if it helps the world, but I’m pretty sure it helps in our little corner of it. I may still have nightmares for awhile, but I’m going to adopt an attitude of celebration. Right now.

Here’s a partial list of those things I am grateful for in this moment:
rescue animals (including a dog afraid of thunder and a cat that “thinks out of the box” sometimes
breathing
family
birdsong
good friends
raindrops
rubber slippers
photography
rice
sprouted grains
water
breezes
the gift of sight
books
Hawai`ian music
old cars that still run
wifi and cable on a rural island
hot flashes (okay that’s a stretch, but means I’m alive!)
flowers
kisses
my menopause goddess sisters

Wishing you all some gratitudinal healing. What are you grateful for? What might you celebrate? Share it in the comments or just hold it in your heart. Malama pono – take good care. Of you.

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Happy Holly Daze For Menopause Goddesses

By on December 8, 2010 in Positive Changes

I don’t have grandchildren yet. And while I love, love, love the holidays, I also dread, dread, dread the busyness of the season. (Which seems to happen earlier each year or is this just my imagination?)

So last year, I began to wonder why I get myself all worked up and frantic carrying out the mandatory rituals every November-December. It was not easy to score a live tree last winter here on my rural island, so I opted out of the pine needle, broken ornaments (cause by cattus domesticus who can’t stop playing with the shiny things),  sugary dough all over the kitchen, unwritten Christmas card mess.

And it was…heavenly.

So this year, I was way more gentle with myself. Thanksgiving was glorious at our neighbor’s house – potlucked of course. The day was lazy and filled with gratitude for us.

Theresa Venus is here on-island and we celebrated Lei Venus’s birthday with a holiday dinner of turkey, ham, and all the trimmings. There was no have-to or pressure, just an ease of fun food prep, sharing of conversation and meal, and mostly quality time spent with one another.

Wow, two holiday feasts already and no stress so far. I’m thinking that I may be on to something. Because the rituals have been comin’ apart at the seams, in the very best possible way,  it was with absolute serenity that we cruised downtown to see the Christmas parade of lights and hang out with the entire island’s population to celebrate, Hawaiian style.

I am having a tree trimming party. Which involves putting miniature ornaments on a Lilliputian fake tree (about 4 inches tall). Yes, I mean inches, not feet. I can hold it in the palm of my hand.

Of course, there will be eggnog and wine. We can sing Christmas carols. (Or not, maybe it’d better to listen to Willie K. or Na Leo Pilimehana sing.) And we’ll even have the right smells, thanks to Menopause Goddess Teri Waros’s Kalele Bookstore and Divine Expressions – provider of the Douglas Fir incense

You are all invited. Happy stress free holiday and Mele Kalikimaka.

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Schedule a Play Date – With Yourself

By on October 31, 2010 in After the Pause, Second Adulthood, Who We're Becoming

Painted Butterfly © lynette sheppard

Whether it’s a spa day or reading or journaling or watching your fave old movies or making art – regular play dates ought to be part of our second adulthood. We need to recapture childlike joy  and immerse ourselves wholeheartedly in unstructured time.

In our feverish scheduling, it’s time to block out playdates (even whole play days) for menopause Goddesses.

It  can be hard to get started - dieseling is what my hubby calls it. I start to do something just for me, but then jump up and try to accomplish, to cross a few more tasks off the list, to have something to show for my day.

Puttering around the house is enjoyable in its own way, as is getting a jumpstart on chores and the work week. But we can get lost in the laundry, cleaning out a closet, organizing, reports.

A Playdate is time just for me. And you. I love playdates with girlfriends too, but there should be just YOU time, where there is no need to adapt yourself to anyone else’s wants, needs, desires, or conversation. In fact, quiet is one of the most nourishing parts of my play days.

So, after a wonderful week of photographic seminaring here on Moloka`i, Dewitt took off for a gallery opening featuring his work on Maui. Though work has piled up and I felt behind, for my own sanity and serenity, I scheduled a Play Day.

Here’s how it went:

There was the usual dieseling:  Changed the bedsheets and piled the old ones by the door to go out to wash.

Forgot sheets – . Organized my desk. Cleaned cat box. Sat down to read and saw sheets. Got up again and put them in wash and put wet towels knotted up in washer into dryer.

Answered phone, lost track of what I was doing: oh yeah, reading. Wait, got to jot down idea for blog. Played another move on Facebook Scrabble with a friend.

Started to read menopause research study in Menopause journal – remembered how much I hate medicalese speak. Put magazine down.

Made coffee – uh oh, breakfast dishes still in sink. Washed them. Poured cup of coffee and sat back down to re-read favorite book “Sisters of the Dream” by Mary Sojourner. A novel about the mystery and magic of sisterhood across time and culture.  (out of print, but it’s possible to find a copy through a used bookstore.)

Some stories are food and this is one of them for me and Theresa-Venus, too. 40 minutes of blissful journeying, .then interrupted by chatty cat demanding affection – (cats think play days are all about them.)

More reading with cat on lap. Lunch.

Worked on painting technique on photographs using Photoshop. One success, one maybe, one failure but I learned something so can try it again and get it right.

Long walk, showered off the sweat.  Finished and won Scrabble game online. Poured glass of wine and watched the sunset.

A perfect play day. A perfect day. I’m filled up again. Tomorrow I can work, refreshed and renewed, excited even.

What would you do with a play day? Or a few hours playdate? And isn’t it about time to schedule one? Share your “perfect day” with us – we might get some ideas for our own future play dates.

BTW, the photo painting that worked is the one of the butterfly above this post.

(For more wit and wisdom from our community of Menopause Goddesses, click here to purchase your copy of “The Big M” – your personal survival and thrival guide for the menopause transition.)

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Who Are We Now After Menopause?

By on October 10, 2010 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages, Menopause in Community

Goddess Becoming © lynette sheppard

Last blog post, we focused on getting what we really want. Wanting, even defining may not be enough. As we create the second half of our lives, we may have to let go of some previously cherished identities; stories we tell ourselves about ourselves.

The Venuses pondered this quandary in our third meeting, a week long exploration in Hawai`i. The following exercise provided tears, laughter, and enlightenment.  (excerpted from “The Big M”,  Humor, Heart, and Help For the Menopausal Journey.”)

“Cultivating A New Relationship with Ourselves

The mantra of midlife women “I just don’t feel like ME anymore” serves as an call to awakening. Who WAS I?  More important,  who AM I now?  Perhaps our increased need for time alone has a purpose.  We need to become acquainted with the changeling emerging from the upheaval of our bodies, psyches, and beleaguered spirits.  We must question ways in which we have known ourselves prior to now.

We identify ourselves by the roles we’ve played in family and society. We also have ideas of what describes us – quiet, outgoing, sensitive, impulsive, etc.  Identities and descriptions make up much of what we think of as ‘myself’.  These roles and ways of being are familiar and comfortable, if not exactly the dreams we thought we would live.  In getting to know a new SELF, we must first relinquish these familiar identities.  We need to let go of them however much they may resemble a life preserver tossed upon the stormy seas of so much change.

“Letting Go of the Old Me” Exercise
Cut up heavy unlined paper or cardstock into pieces big enough for one or two words to be written.  (approx. 1/2 inch by 3 inches each is a good size.)  Give each woman 30 pieces of paper and a pen.  In silence, each Venus writes down one role or description on each piece of paper,  eg.  homemaker, nurse, artist, spiritual person, wild woman, sister, daughter, mother, and so on.  When finished hold all your roles and identities in your hands.  One by one, put them down, feeling the sensations and emotions of letting go of each one.  Take as long as needed – noticing how it feels to shed each identity.  When all your papers have been relinquished and your hands are empty, just sit quietly and notice what is left.  How does it feel to be without your roles?  Without your descriptions of who you are?  Don’t forget to breathe.

After 5-10 minutes of sitting quietly in this fashion, slowly begin to pick up your roles and descriptions one at a time.  Notice this time how it feels to reclaim each identity.  Are there some that are easier to take back?  Some that are burdensome or seem irrelevant?  Are there surprises?

If you’ve done this exercise in a group, those Venuses who wish to may share their experiences.  This serves to deepen and validate the experience for all.

For some in our Venus group, this exercise was deeply emotional, with great pain experienced on ‘giving up’ some of our most cherished identities.  Others were equally surprised at the ease with which some roles dropped away, like burdens laid to rest.  We found ourselves re-thinking the roles we have adopted until now and contemplating releasing those that no longer serve us or others.

The most important epiphany of the exercise involved feeling what was left when we let go of all our supposed roles and identities.  “Something” essential still remained.  An authentic being with value apart from what she does or how she is perceived exists when we give up all our identities.  Each goddess might be well served to acquaint herself with this essential ‘she’. “

You can try this exercise alone, although it is even more valuable when done in the presence of your Menopause Goddess girlfriends. Shedding roles that don’t serve us any longer opens space for us to become the women we wish to be. As we grow into our new Selves, what we want may change as well. All of this is just focusing our vision, clarifying our dreams, and finding our path as we travel this next part of the post menopausal journey.

(For more exercises in creating our Second Act, as well as surviving and thriving on the Menopause journey, get your own copy of The Big M. And get a copy for a girlfriend at half price when you order yours.)

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Getting What We Really Want In Our Second Act

By on October 2, 2010 in After the Pause, Life Changes & Stages, Menopause in Community

Emerald Bay Sunrise © lynette sheppard

Remember in our first act of life, before the Pause, when you really wanted something? Perhaps it was a lover, a job, a new car, or moving to another state.

Finally, through perseverance, circumstance, or luck, you got it. And then? The letdown. Because the desired object it wasn’t nearly as satisfying as you thought it would be. What’s that about?

Maybe, just maybe, what we thought we wanted isn’t what we really wanted. We thought this sought after “thing” might fill us up and when it didn’t, we were left confused and bereft. Soon, we replaced it with another desire. Ah, this would be the one. Or ones.

In our second Act, we hope to be clearer about what we want, about how we wish to live, about who we will become. Because not to put to fine a point on it, but time is running out.

In one of our meetings, the Venuses did the following exercise to discover what it is we really want. This exercise is not a “secret” for manifesting – nor will you be writing affirmations or calling on a Higher Power.

No, this involves a deeper inquiry into what we really desire; what we really want to claim a fulfilled life. and it changes moment to moment.

So here’ s the exercise, (excerpted from our book The Big M.) It’s simple, but not to be taken lightly.

“The Want List exercise

Take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns vertically down the page.  In the first column, quickly write down at least 10 things that you “want”.  Don’t censor yourself or overthink this process.  Avoid beauty contestant answers like “world peace”, unless that truly popped into your head unbidden.  Don’t worry if any of your ‘wants’ seem silly or bizarre.  No one else needs to see this list.  It can be as mundane as a new toothbrush or as exotic as a cruise around the world.

When you have finished making your list, in the second column next to each ‘thing’ that you want, write the one or two words that describe how you will feel if you get it.  Examples:  successful, clean, adventurous, smart, loved, happy, peaceful, etc.

Now read over the list in the second column.  This is the more important list.  These feelings are what you really want.  The feeling may or may not be  met by the ‘thing’ or item that corresponds to it on your list.  How many times have we wanted something desperately, thinking it would make us feel a certain way, only to find that it didn’t deliver what we’d hoped?  If I get this new haircut, I’ll feel beautiful.  Well, maybe or possibly I’ll just feel different.  If I get this degree, I’ll feel smart.  Maybe yes, maybe for awhile, or maybe I’ll just feel in debt with a piece of paper to put on my wall.

Most important is that we really want the feelings in our lives, and the ‘want’ we attach to the feeling may or may not provide it for us.  There’s a clarity in realizing that we actually want the feeling, as we discover that there may be multiple ways to achieve that feeling.  Sometimes to our great surprise, we discover that we already have this feeling in our lives, and have simply failed to recognize it.

To complete the exercise, we call for the feelings to manifest or reveal themselves in our lives.  And we stay open to the many ways these feelings can show up, rather than remaining attached to the ‘thing’ we wanted.  Hey, it may even be the ‘thing’ that brings the feeling, but at least we’re not blinded to the possibilities that the feeling we want may come from other venues.

If you should happen to do this exercise in your own Venus group, you may wish to share the list of feelings you want to bring into your life.  Voicing them aloud, in the supporting presence of the group, serves to give your desires importance and legitimacy in your own eyes.  The whole group can witness, not only for the feelings you want to attract in your life, but the commitment you have toward manifesting them.

As we’ve said before, there is a synergy and a magic to visioning, planning, and creating the second half of our lives in a community of supportive, like-minded women. Together we are SO much more than the sum of our singular parts.  Connected to each another, we become more amazing and powerful than any single goddess, mythical or real.”

If you don’t have a sisterhood or Menopause Goddess Community, you can do this exercise by yourself. It will likely be immensely enlightening. And you can do it over and over again as you feel yourself changing.

Still, I can’t overemphasize that any clarity you gain is so much more profound when illuminated in the community of other women. Because they witness, really hear your desire, they can also keep you on track when you forget. As we inevitably do.

Try it for yourself. Let us know how it goes. (For more exercises in creating our Second Act, as well as surviving and thriving on the Menopause journey, get your own copy of The Big M. And get a copy for a girlfriend at half price when you order yours.)

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