Do you have a Shmirshky? Or are you one? If you are a woman experiencing perimenopause or Menopause, then the answer to both of these questions is a resounding yes, according to our sister Menopause Goddess Ellen Dolgen.

Like so many of us, Ellen was blindsided by the Change. How did she handle it? With humor, straight talk, and girlfriends. And a book called – wait for it – Shmirshky: The Pursuit of Hormone Happiness.

Under the pen name “E”, Ellen chronicles her journey through what she calls PM&M – something that she says sounds like much more fun than perimenopause and menopause. (So many things are much more fun: like root canals, plumbing leaks, flat tires – but I digress.)

If you are a midlife woman and think an alien has taken over your body or that you are going not-so-slowly crazy, then you need to read “Shmirshky”.  This hilarious and helpful tome will have convince you that you are not only NORMAL, but that you are not alone.

Laugh your way through “E”’s Big M adventures: from hot flashes to hormones, sleeplessness to sadness, helplessness to happy once again. I swear that she and I are twins separated at birth – laughter and sisterhood are two mainstays that will guarantee safe passage through the Menopause transition.

Blue Ridges © lynette sheppard

When I first started this Menopause Goddess Blog five years ago, I envisioned it as publicity for our book: The Big M in softcover / Becoming A Menopause Goddess in ebook format. I believed that all our Menopause Goddess sisters would then start their own groups (like the Venuses) to meet, nurture, and accompany each other on this forced midlife journey. The book would be their guide and our work would be done. I had no idea that the blog would take on a life of its own.

Every week, I get mail from women who are grateful, struggling, or just wanting to connect. Sooooooo here I am, with the worst of the Big M thankfully in my rear view mirror, still hosting our virtual community as well as meeting with the beloved Venuses each year. Goddess bless the internet for making our circle so large and intimate. Regardless of where we are on the Menopause continuum, each of us houses an abundance of wisdom.  Luckily we live in an age where we can sit down at the cyberspace kitchen table and share.

Starting now….here’s a letter from the Menopause Mailbag written by one of our sisters who is struggling right now. Please share any thoughts, recommendations, and support you have for her right here in the comments. Let’s embrace her and let her know the most important thing about this journey: She is not alone!

A Menopause Goddess’s Plea

“Hi there
I have been following your blog for a while, as I try swim through the chaos my life is in right now.
I just turned 40, and am in menopause for about 4 years.
I have been diagnosed with fragile X syndrome, and had huge myomas in my uterus which was treated by means of embolisation in 2007.
Unfortunately after the procedure, my cycle disappeared, and no amount of begging the specialists could get them to seriously look into the problem, until 4 years later when suddenly i WAS in menopause, and it was all over. After that Fragile X was diagnosed, so no-one knows if the menopause is from the embolisation, or from the syndrome. My guess its a bit of both, I think 8 days of continuous contractions after the embolisation knocked my body and uterus into oblivion!
Biggest kicker is that I don’t have kids, always wanted them, but because of all the problems it didn’t materialize.
!2 years ago I miscarried, but always believed I would ‘be given’ another chance
And now? Now I just try stay afloat amongst all the emotions this has all brought, lately I feel I am slowly starting to sink….

Are there any other women on your forum / blog etc that have anything (remotely) similar? It might help to just chat to someone who knows inside what it is to go through this? I am so tired of people saying let go, and its not all that to have kids, and and and… I am just soooo tired

sorry to put this on you, I just don’t know where to turn to right now.”

Sunny Day © lynette sheppard

Well ladies, I have been using Avacor (active ingredient minoxidil – as in Rogaine) and I hate to get too excited, but I do think I see new little hairs at my temple (where I have the most thinning.) I will continue using it and keep you all posted.

And my new friends at Avacor ( who gave me the free trial) are now partnering with Menopause Goddess Blog to provide a 40% discount on Avacor Physician’s formulation for Women.  Visit avacor.com and enter this coupon code: WTOP40 to get your discount.

As most of you know, I freaked out completely when I noticed my hair thinning dramatically – yet another of the unwelcome gifts of the Big M. My former dermatologist was all but useless, as was my laissez faire hairdresser who laconically told me that it was likely hormonal. Well, geez. There’s a news flash. What I wanted to hear was how I could FIX it.

Luckily, I met Luna the hair magician and she gave my hair (and me) some much needed advice, love and care. After 4 years, I still use Nioxin shampoo and conditioner – and feel like it helped stop the loss. I dutifully ingested my thyroid medicine, had my hair layered and professionally highlighted, and used styling products to increase volume. (Faves are ISO’s Bouncy Creme, KMS Curlup, and now Avacor’s Boost.)

What is almost as thrilling to me as the cessation of hair fallout is the active conversation about female hair loss now taking place just about everywhere. Check out Vibrant Nation ( one of my favorite women-of-a-certain-age-growing sites.) They have a free hair loss guide which has some great suggestions in it. (Except maybe for the one about “finding the cause” because the more I learn about this, the more I find it is multifactorial and completely individual. The “what to do about it” info is better.

Avacor recently posted this blog entry about Menopause and hair loss – worth reading. And for those who missed it,  check out Menopause Goddess Blog’s previous forays into this hair raising topic:  Menopause Shocker: Things Got Hairy, Then They Didn’t , Thin Is In, Or Honey, Who Took My Hair , and As Goddess As It Gets, Good Hair Days Are Back.

So many of us equate femininity with our hair. We expected to lose our periods, our tight buns, even our sanity with the advent of Menopause.  But we never expected to lose our hair. Thankfully, with a little attention and some new products, good hair days may still grace our present and our future.

Flowers in the Rain © lynette sheppard

Enjoy this guest post by Katie Brind’Amour, guaranteed to make you feel better about feeling moody. Happy Easter, dear goddesses.

Foggy memory, endless fatigue, a total lack of interest between the sheets, hot flashes, night sweats, and more emotional turbulence than a 13-year-old with a maddening bout of PMS can make feeling like a Menopause Goddess a bit difficult to achieve at times.

Can all of these symptoms really be normal?  (Yes.)

Aren’t mood swings and emotional freak-out sessions for teens and pregnant women? (As you are currently finding out, no, they are not.)

Do frequent changes in emotions indicate something serious, like bipolar disorder or depression? (This depends on whether you are swinging between talking with God – and hearing him answer! – and feeling like there is nothing more pointless than life. If this is you, talk to a mental health professional, ASAP.)

Because of the shifting and subsiding hormone levels in your body, menopause can cause bouts of depression in otherwise happy individuals. Feeling blue or down in the dumps can come and go like hot flashes or hang on for hours or days at a time.

During menopause, your body is adjusting to a new mode of operation, in a sense. If insecurity and anxiety about life after periods wasn’t enough, there are plenty of thing’s you’re probably worried about because you just can’t help it – your decreased estrogen levels are tricking you into irritability, pushing you back and forth between elation and hopelessness with no care at all for what you want to think or feel.

If you are one of the lucky ladies getting heart palpitations and a hot flash just thinking about how moody you are destined to be at some point later today, however, keep in mind these witty reflections on menopause and mood swings:

“There is no more creative force in the world than the menopausal woman with zest.” – Margaret Mead

“The heyday of woman’s life is the shady side of fifty.” – Elizabeth Cady Stanton

“Swing high, swing low, over the emotional roller coaster I go.” – C. Yousey

“On a bad day, I have mood swings – but on a good day, I have the whole mood playground.” – Charles Rosenblum

Managing Menopausal Mood Swings

Keep in mind that most mood swings are natural symptoms of menopause, and that “This too shall pass.”

Enough of the proverbial chat, though – here are a few tips for managing mood swings.
1.  Recite a personal mantra. “I will feel like myself again soon,” or “I am a Menopause Goddess” should be a good start, but feel free to tweak as you see fit.
2.  Count to 20 (or higher!) before responding to something that upsets you. If you can keep yourself from the impulsive lash-out (or gush of tears) that often comes with bouts of anger or irritability, you can also save yourself the guilt and confusion that comes from a senseless over-reaction.
3.  Incorporate stress relief into your daily life. Massage, meditation, and relaxation therapy can help alleviate mood swings and improve your outlook on life post-period.
4.  Get some exercise. If you suffer from volatile moods or a general feeling of irritability, exercise can help flood your brain with feel-good chemicals that can improve mood, regulate hot flashes, and even help you sleep better.
5.  For heaven’s sake, talk to someone. If you are overwhelmed or afraid that you are experiencing something out of hand or unhealthy, talk to your fellow goddesses or your health professional – feeling isolated or abnormal can worsen your experience with hormone havoc, and you owe it to yourself to have some semblance of control over your life and emotions.
So if menopausal mood swings have got you down (and up, and everywhere in between), take comfort in knowing that you are not alone. Use the remedies above and brainstorm a few of your own to get a personalized handle on your emotions, then breathe easy knowing that you have officially become a master of menopause mood swings.

Katie Brind’Amour is a Certified Health Education Specialist and freelance health and wellness writer. She enjoys blogging about friendship and life in the not-so-fast lane while chipping away at her PhD in Health Services Management and Policy.

Halawa Valley © lynette sheppard

Some days, it can feel like living in a bizarre reality show as we slog through menopause. Can’t you just hear the little announcer in your head with the commercial:

Announcing a new season of SURVIVOR – MENOPAUSE, the reality TV show where contestants (all female) are forced to participate.

This is the most difficult and harrowing SURVIVOR to date. New challenges await participants around the corner of every new day. Flaming ‘flashes’ of heat, palpitations, drenched sheets (and not with passion), lost libido, dry everything, palpitating hearts, emotional tilt-a-whirls, bone-crushing fatigue, and a host of other horrific hurdles have become part of midlife womens’ daily life.

The only way to keep from flipping out during a stay on this midlife island is to LAUGH and commiserate with our ‘team’ of sister goddesses. (Because the kicker is – you can’t be voted off the show.)

So be a winner! Make alliances. The only way to really win is together. Start your own Menopause Goddess  group now! (For help with this, check out previous posts that tell you just how to do that “Creating A Menopause Goddess Group, Part I” and “Creating A Menopause Goddess Group, Part II”.

SURVIVOR – MENOPAUSE – coming soon to every woman eventually. Stay tuned.

red maple leaves, Zion NP © lynette sheppard

In deference to the backlog of important topics I’ve been meaning to post, here are three in one – a veritable grab bag of meno missives.

First, there is a call for participation in a UCLA study on attitudes toward disgusting situations. It seems that there may be changes in what we find disgusting or not when we go through menopause. Professor Daniel Fessler of UCLA and Dr. Katinka Quintelier of Ghent University are co-conductors of this research. I took the survey myself – pretty interesting. Click on the link below or paste it into your browser – all results are completely anonymous. http://menodis2011-2012.questionpro.com

On the hair loss front – a particularly diabolical manifestation of the Change, there is new hope out for menopausal women afflicted. Avacor has been approved for hair regrowth in hormonal thinning. (Active ingredient in the serum is minoxidil aka Rogaine.) They have had significant success, although like everything, it won’t work for all women. So I have offered to be a guinea pig yet again and have begun a three month program. It usually takes two months to show any effect, so don’t expect to hear too much too soon. Hope springeth eternal – I’ve taken my before pictures and hope to see a difference in eight weeks or so. I’ll keep you posted.

I will say this: one of the products in their starter kit is called “Boost”. It is a hair thickener styling product and it is as good or better as any of my previous favorites. I highly recommend this even if you don’t need to regrow hair. It’s a great volumizer and doesn’t weigh my hair down in the process. Yes, you can buy this product separately. If you want to take this journey along with me, they can start you out with a free 3 month trial supply of the full set of products. Check out their website at avacor.com

Last but not least, I wanted to report on my HRT cessation (and my physician’s). We both feel just fine – yes, we do have a hot flash every now and then but they are short lived and not too incendiary. I must report the side effect of a little smugness on both our parts, but thankfully this is not serious.
For those of you who are attempting to titrate down your HRT, go slowly and be gentle with yourself. With the patch, I was cutting it into tinier and tinier pieces until I was wearing just a miniscule pie shaped wedge that likely had almost no hormone in it. Still, the placebo effect is powerful juju and I availed myself of it for quite a while. Now I’m happy and hormone free. Except for any hormones that my own body might produce on its own. I’ll take all of those I can get.Now, I’m going out to sit on the patio and look at red rocks. Take the survey, grow some hair, be gentle with yourself in all ways. Oh, and eat some chocolate. Just sayin’…

My cats, Frankie and Po, don’t have any trouble sleeping. Their mistress cannot claim the same. When Perimenopause first came to live at my house, my biggest complaint wasn’t hot flashes or moodswing. Insomnia topped my list of ohmigods.

All my life, I’d been a good sleeper, dropping off for seven or eight hours of deep restful zzzz’s every night. Suddenly I was waking every hour, listening to the clock tick or my husband breathing. After a week of fitful half-sleep, I was a basket case. I tried everything: white noise machines, hot milk before bed, Sominex, long bouts of computer solitaire. And midday naps, when nothing else worked.

Thankfully, I am once again able to sleep through most nights, only occasionally becoming reacquainted with wee hours wakefulness. But there are a few simple measures that might help my nocturnally-challenged goddess sisters.

Earplugs
These inexpensive little devices cut out most annoying noises so that when we find ourselves awake, we aren’t necessarily KEPT awake. Some goddesses can’t tolerate them, but I wouldn’t make it without them. (See “Menopause Annoise Us” blog entry dated 9/12/07 for why this is so.)

Face Mask
The teeniest little emission of light from the phone console or a nightlight can disrupt sleep for some of us. (Including yours truly.) I’ve found wearing a face mask to be almost as conducive to a good night’s rest as earplugs. The only problem is that sometimes they are HOT, which doesn’t work.

Limit Caffeine Near Bedtime
Some goddesses can imbibe fully leaded coffee or tea right up until time to turn in. I envy them. The rest of us have a cutoff time, after which our favorite caffeinated treats will pump us up way too much to sleep or will wake us after only a few hours. It’s a good idea to find your optimal cutoff time and stick to it. (Mine is no caffeine after 7pm.)

Easy on the Alcohol
If you are like most of us Venuses, you like an occasional glass of wine (or other favorite alcohol laced concoction.). Sadly, we have made a midlife discovery. One glass of wine relaxes us gently and we sleep well. However, two or more glasses may cause us to wake after just a few hours, too wired to go back to sleep. So we try to stick to our optimal alcohol amount if we want a full night’s sleep. Of course, during our annual gathering, we throw caution to the winds and money at the wine store.

AARP magazine (Mar. – April 2007)  came up with  a few more hints for wakeful goddesses:

Fed Not Full
Don’t go to bed hungry – eat a couple of crackers. On the flip side, don’t eat a heavy meal just before retiring. (Makes sense.)

No Naps
Daytime snoozes can keep you up at night. (Hmmmmmm.)

Use Bedroom Only For Sleeping
Sounds like a great idea, but we  added on a new big bedroom where I also write, read, dance, and generally live, so that won’t happen at my house.
Soft Comfortable Bedding
This is a no-brainer. Even if we can’t sleep, at least we can toss and turn in 800 thread count comfort.

Lull Yourself Back to Sleep
If you can’t drift to sleep after 20 minutes of restlessness, get up and do something quiet, author Susan Roberts recommends.
Some of the Venuses read or play endless games of computer solitaire. Others prefer to do something productive; actually crossing things off their to-do list till their eyelids become droopy. Next time you find yourself awake when you ought to be asleep, notice what works or doesn’t in regaining your rest, and let your sister goddesses know by leaving a “Comment”.

In the meantime, we wish you all sweet dreams and blissful nights of uninterrupted slumber.

Aspen Summer Trees © lynette sheppard

“Ick! I’m not eating those!” I told my grandmother. “I’ll eat them,” crowed  my little brother, human garbage receptacle and eternal suckup. “They’re just giant raisins.” When we were kids visiting Grandma, she always served us prunes for breakfast. She claimed they were “good for us.”

Turns out Grandma is the one who should have been eating them. Recent research reveals that prunes (or as they are now more politically correctly named “dried plums”) prevent osteoporosis and promote healthy bones.

A group of researchers from Florida State and Oklahoma State University conducted a study using two groups of postmenopausal women. Over a 12-month period, the first group of 55 women, was instructed to consume 100 grams of dried plums (about 10 prunes) each day, while the second  control group of 45 women — was told to consume 100 grams of dried apples. All of the study’s participants also received daily doses of calcium (500 milligrams) and vitamin D (400 international units).
The group that consumed dried plums had significantly higher bone mineral density in the ulna (one of two long bones in the forearm) and spine, when compared with the control group that ate dried apples. This, according to researchers, was due in part to the ability of dried plums to suppress the rate of bone resorption, or the breakdown of bone, which tends to exceed the rate of new bone growth as people age.
“Over my career, I have tested numerous fruits, including figs, dates, strawberries and raisins, and none of them come anywhere close to having the effect on bone density that dried plums, or prunes, have,” said Bahram H. Arjmandi, Florida State’s Margaret A. Sitton Professor and chairman of the Department of Nutrition, Food and Exercise Sciences in the College of Human Sciences. “All fruits and vegetables have a positive effect on nutrition, but in terms of bone health, this particular food is exceptional.”

“Women can lose up to 20% of their bone density in the 5 to 7 years after menopause, according to the National Osteoporosis Foundation. And here might be a remedy without side effects save a little more regularity? I’m game.

So I’m off to the grocery store to buy a bunch of prunes…er dried plums. I think I could grow to like them. If not, I can always ship them off to lil bro.

Cactus Whirl © lynette sheppard

Anxiety may literally be the most unnerving of the emotional traumas visited upon menopausal women; certainly it’s one of the least recognized or discussed. A number of goddesses struggling with this frightening symptom have written me recently, so let’s address and demystify it.

First and most important, anxiety that comes out of nowhere when you enter perimenopause and menopause is NORMAL! Not every woman will suffer it, but those who do can take heart that it is just another in the panoply of maladies that accompany our transition. Second, it is TEMPORARY! It will get better. Most women I know have anxiety issues that last 6 months to 2 years. (If you’ve just started having anxiety episodes, you may be screaming inside “Two years! I can’t take two more years of this!”) Oh yes, you can. And you will. And there’s help.

The biggest help we found was the discovery that we were not alone. Other midlife women, who previously had never suffered from anxiety and fear, found them selves terrified driving on the freeway or over bridges, petrified for no reason on a daily basis, even experiencing full-blown panic attics in the absence of any recognizable threat.

The Venuses don’t really know of any ingestible remedies that decrease the anxiety of menopause per se. (OK, maybe wine, but it can also make it worse sometimes.) Yes, there are some herbal anti-anxiety supplements but we felt we just didn’t know enough about them. Kava kava, for example, relieves anxiety but may damage our liver. (Although that may be dose related – Fijians have been using it for decades on a daily basis – they seem to have a decent life span.) As always, when trying something like this, let your health care partner/practitioner know and monitor your symptoms and dosage carefully. If your MD is not acting as a partner, but as a parent or ultimate authority, find one who will work with you. I can tell you as a health care practitioner myself that the amount we DO NOT KNOW about menopause and many of the complementary therapies would fill a library. Or two.

While you may consult your health care practitioner/partner about your anxiety, be wary of pharmaceutical intervention as a first answer. Tranquilizers and other drugs such as Prozac may be helpful, but may cause other problems or adverse effects. Remember, we’re women. We can handle a lot. We do every day. As long as we know it’s NORMAL and TEMPORARY.

As a group, the Venuses’ fretting was rarely overwhelming, but it was scary and disturbing. If it had been worse, we likely would have seen therapists. (Differentiation note: If you are frightened and jittery, that’s normal. If you cannot leave the house because of fear, or are unable to conduct activities of daily living, that’s not normal and professional help is needed.)

We did practice giving ourselves and each other little “reality checks” when our worrying was excessively annoying. We practiced asking, “What is happening right now, this moment?” (Usually the answer was “Nothing.”) “Am I safe, alive, comfortable, etc?” Then we took deep breaths and decided not to panic until we had something to actually panic about, rather than a mental litany of “what ifs”. This actually helped ease our jitters quite a bit, although some days our practice worked better than others.

Above all, be gentle with yourself. Give your fear a name. Invite it in for tea. Recognize it as another part of this roller coaster ride we call Menopause – remember right after the scary climb up, anticipating the drop, comes the thrill of a great ride. Let’s do it together – it’s easier to share both the fear and the fun.

(Stay tuned for a future blog entry regarding the Night Terrors, a nocturnal flavor of anxiety.)

Flower Spiral © lynette sheppard

Aging is weird sometimes. It takes a bit of getting used to. Like when you suddenly become invisible in shops or restaurants while waiters pant over younger patrons. Or as Whoopi Goldberg noticed, “when you are never again going to be the hottest thing in the room”. Except thermally speaking. And those days when you pass a mirror or window and wonder who is that middle aged woman looking back before recognizing yourself.

And yet. And yet, there is so much that is wondrous and illuminating about the aging journey. Twenty some odd years ago, when aging was just an abstraction in my world, I chanced to see aging in a new and lovely way. Dear friend Bronwyn Cooke took her husband Rik’s slides of old cars and with musician Ron Lloyd created this poignant look at the beauty of aging, at metamorphosis. Thanks to YouTube, I can now share it with all of you. Enjoy.