Oh Libido Where Art Thou?

Some women actually experience increased libido during menopause. If this describes you, skip this part. (And know that the rest of us are so envious of you! Victoria-Venus is an exception, since she is one of you.) Decreased libido is a much more common function of menopause than the converse. It’s not that we don’t want to have sex, it’s that we just don’t think about it. At all. The hormones that stoked the fires have diminished to the point that we’re lucky if we have a pitiful little ember of lascivious desire glowing somewhere deep inside us. Our mates may worry that we no longer care for them or find them attractive. All the Venuses were clear that this was not the case; we still loved our spouses and thought they were empirically attractive. We just didn’t have any drive to act physically on that attraction.

If sex was once 50% mental (or emotional), it seems that now lovemaking is at least 98% governed by our head and heart, rather than our physical sexual organs (at least until things get rolling.) So the Venuses were in agreement that they needed to find ways to stimulate mind and emotions to remind them how much they enjoy intimate physical closeness.
Rae-Venus reads romantic books or watches chick-flicks to get "in the mood." Then she ‘remembers’ her own passion and is able to fully engage sexually with her husband.

One of our honorary Venuses likes to make sensuality ‘dates’ with her husband to make sure that physical intimacy is shared. It seems to be working well for them in maintaining their sexual connection. Sensual lingerie, candlelit dinners, music, and dancing are all great ways to get in the mood for sexual pleasure. It’s been the experience of each Venus that once physical contact is initiated, the tiny ember of lust she carries within soon blooms into a full blown romantic fire. But you may have to mark it on your calendar, because if you wait for your hormones to signal that it is time for sexual intimacy, it may never happen.
(excerpted from our upcoming book "Venus Comes of Age: The Wit and Wisdom of Menopausal Goddesses")

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One Response to Oh Libido Where Art Thou?

  1. Debra September 23, 2009 at 7:41 am #

    I stumbled into your blog by accident- I was a bit bored, I can't stomach the Sunday Sports TV routine hubby does, thought I'd surf and sew a while up here in my sewing/computer room.

    I couldn't help but laugh when I am reading that I'm not alone- other women are experiencing the same thing as we go thru the men-o-pause!

    I did indeed call it that, because of the sex thing you mention- suddenly- I really do NOT care if I'm "sexy" or not!! Sure, I still LIKE sex, I still like men- but I honestly could care less about their attention! I'm not one who is going to fight aging tooth, nail, or surgically! Can't fight mother nature. All of that trying to stay preserved is for… well, face it- sex appeal. If my husband doesn't like me, he can lump it. I stay well-groomed, well-exersized, but I'm not going to fret about growing old!

    I think menopause made me stop and think just how much energy and worry I put into trying to get hubby's attention! I honestly believe, in looking back, that I used sex at times as a means to just get his attention. I really don't care anymore…. and I wonder why did I want all his attention anyway???

    Now, I'm always trying to send him off with his buds on fishing trips, golf, ANYTHING—- hey go! go! just GO~! I have a life, rediscovered thank you. Many times, I honestly have a lot more fun out with my galpals than with hubby.

    He noticed the change! He is bewildered! God Bless him, he deserves it. Time HE learned to put a little effort into getting MY attention!