It’s not personal. It’s not that we don’t love you any more or find you attractive. If we are remote, weepy, cranky, or so hot that we can’t stand to be touched, it’s not about you. Even though it affects you. We are just doing our best. Imagine if you went from 16 to 60 hormonally in a matter of months. I know it’s hard to conceive of such a drastic event – your changes happen over decades, hormone levels sloping gently downward. We women are pushed abruptly off a hormonal cliff. It’s like puberty….without the good parts. Small wonder that we are almost crawling out of our skin at times.

We are not only driving you fruity, we’re driving ourselves crazy. Like in puberty. And it feels like there’s nothing we can do about it. Awareness only comes to us when we talk to other menopausal women and we find out that this process is NORMAL.

You just want the girl you married to come back? Guess what! So do we, but right now she’s nowhere in sight. The good news (according to our wise woman girlfriends) is that this transition will ease and things will get better.

What can you do? Please try to be patient, understand us and be kind. You can’t fix this, though we dearly wish that you could. Little gestures mean a lot, as illustrated by the following story:

Tori-Venus and I were sitting in her kitchen with our husbands, deep in discussion. Suddenly, the fire from inside began building – hot flashes struck both of us at the same moment. Without a word or break in the discussion, Tori’s husband stood up, wet two towels with cold water, and handed them to Tori and me. As we mopped our faces with the blessedly cool cloths, I asked him "How did you know?" "Your faces turned beet red, and I just knew," he answered calmly. Small gesture – huge help. His empathy inspired our deepest gratitude. This whole thing sucks…..and our mate cares. That’s all we really want.