What We Wish We’d Known Sooner…About Men


Sigh. No matter how old we are, it seems that men are a hot topic whenever women gab, talk, or converse. The main reason for our preoccupation with the male animal? They are not like us. At all. They don’t think like we do. They don’t notice their environment or relate the way women do. Their emotional life is less visible (and it seems to us, a lot simpler.) They really are a horse of a different color.

The differences between men and women continue to surprise us, even though we know better. Or at least we ought to by now. So we’re sharing what we’ve learned with you, our goddesses in training, in the hopes that you won’t beat your head against that proverbial wall nearly as long as we all have. We have the bumps and bruises to prove it.

If we’d only known sooner that men are simply wired differently, we might not have suffered so much angst nor worked so hard to change them. Believing men were anything like us was a losing proposition from the get-go. We cannot stress this enough!

Jane-Venus summed it up:

“Men just don’t think like we do. They can be
great friends, lovers, and amusements, but they are not like
us. Even men with strong feminine sides are still MEN and
their brains are just different. You are not going to change
them. They are who they are and eons of evolving haven’t
changed them, so how can we?”

The Venuses believe that if we’d known sooner that men were actually a different species of being, we might have been able to accept them for what they are instead of trying to turn an otter into a zebra. The amount of energy we have expended on this unattainable and unrealistic goal could move mountains. Or solve the energy crisis. Or both.

Some of the differences are striking when we notice them in day-to-day life. We’ll let you in on a few that would have been invaluable to know about sooner. Although it’s never too late to start learning what makes men tick.

Men Are The Weaker Sex
Ask any midlife woman whether men or women are the stronger gender and she will answer unequivocally “Women”. Men are physically stronger, but less resilient in the face of long term adversity, emotional upheaval, and physical illness. Perhaps it is their wiring; perhaps it is due to their identity as the stronger sex, but whatever the reason, men just don’t handle extended life crises all that well. Particularly when there is nothing you can actually DO to fix it.

Women are used to weathering storms in their own bodies. Monthly menses, pregnancy, childbirth, and menopause remind us continually that we are not in control. Men aren’t subject to these reminders so problems that are not immediately amenable to action just turn them inside out and upside down. They are geared for action and as every woman can attest, some of life’s difficulties just have to run their course. You can’t do anything about them.

Alas, when we are in the midst of a storm that we need to ride out, the men in our life become part of the problem. If they aren’t able to DO something about it, then they start freaking out. Unable to simply BE with the crise du jour, they become little dust devils of ineffectual activity. Before we know it, we are taking care of the storm and we are taking care of them, too.

Which leads us to another thing we wished we’d known about men: We aren’t true equals. That’s a big enough topic that we’ll cover it in the next blog entry. For now, just focus on the fact that men are not like us – and they never will be. Ever. No matter what. If you can be okay with this fact; relax into it and be present with it without needing to change it; your relationships with males will be greatly enhanced. And life will be so much happier. We guarantee it.
(Material partially adapted from my book “The Big M”. Click on the link below to buy the book – proceeds help support this website – thanks for your support!)

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7 Responses to What We Wish We’d Known Sooner…About Men

  1. Rae October 5, 2009 at 9:26 pm #

    Ah, men…… life without them would so dull. Men have alway played a big role in my life, most of my best friends were men. What to past on ? don’t know, I really just stayed in the realm of what feels good, if after a while I didn’t feel good, I moved on. Not much wisdom, I guess, but it worked for me. I found a guy that made me feel, really, really good and am still with him after 30 yrs!!!!

  2. Anne Wheeler October 5, 2009 at 9:26 pm #

    It’s true. They are a mystery. O.K. I married my husband bec/ he was cute and nice and smart and HE SMELLED REALLY GOOD!. If you haven’t read up on pheromones, you really ought to, they control us in subliminal, subconscious ways. He has always had a really attractive scent (to me). So go figure. I’m sure this is evolutional, but I’ve always had a sensitive snozz. And he is also intelligent, somewhat sensitive, intelligent, etc, etc. I was raised in a nutty family, where my Dad sniffed our heads on a daily basis. And I realized I also did this w/ my children. They smelled delicious. My Dad used it as a gauge for if you needed a shampoo w/ your bath, which he was in charge of, but I am so olfactory! How have I put up w/ my spouse for 30+ years? Well, partly, I think my primal scent guided me to him. Is this helpful for younger women? I think nought. But I guess the bottom line is, if he doesnt smell really right, then he isn’t good for you. Lynnette, feel free to laugh and then blow this one off.

  3. Betty Zahler October 5, 2009 at 9:27 pm #

    I have always thought the so- called weaker sex is not weaker! Although, we are wired differently than our male counterparts they are essential to the balance of the human race. My spouse is my helper, lover and most of all, my best friend. How very glad i am that we are not the same. Everyday i learn something new about my spouse and it brings both joy and happiness to me.

  4. Theresa October 5, 2009 at 9:28 pm #

    I for one, am thrilled that we are different. And my husband is probably beyond elation for the same reason. We just shake our heads in wonder and wait to see what the next surprise will be.

  5. lynette Sheppard October 5, 2009 at 9:28 pm #

    Barb, That is an absolutely brilliant insight! Thank you so much for sharing it with our daughters and goddesses in training, heck thanks for sharing it with all of us! Men are different – but that’s no reason to condemn them or to put them on a pedestal. Men and women need to work together, each using their strengths. And appreciating one another. My husband and I have a pact: no matter what we do that seems irritating or incomprehensible to the other, we always try to think the best of each other. Then we can have a true dialogue or discussion. We avoid a huge amount of the women-men misunderstandings that way. And we learn and grow a lot. Thanks again for your wonderful advice.

  6. Carol J. October 5, 2009 at 9:29 pm #

    there is an old saying women mourn and men replace.. men need the action of doing something.. women need to think about it …

  7. Barb October 5, 2009 at 9:30 pm #

    My own daughter recently blamed me for her own distrust of men. Her dad and I divorced when she was 15, a tough enough age on its own! I had been married for half of my life by then so knew little about dating. What I thought I learned was that men seemed put on this planet with the sole purpose of hurting ME! I adopted the “men are pigs” attitude and evidently didn’t do a very good job of hiding my feelings from my daughter.

    Even when I met my current husband, I was almost WAITING for him to hurt me. I often wondered how it would manifest. It wasn’t until one day that I had my eyes open. My man asked me if I could just quit thinking of him as “a man” and look at him as an individual…a person! I don’t think I had done that before. When I did, I was able to quit waiting for the other shoe to drop and enjoy the companionship we shared.

    So what would I tell my younger goddess in training? Realize that men ARE different, yes, but remember that they are also individuals. Just like you and I are. Not all blondes are bimbos, not all women are manipulating, not all rich people are demanding snobs, and not all men are pigs!

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