Paradise in Blue and Orange © lynette sheppard
Menopause Goddess Blog receives loads of letters from women suffering various symptoms and difficulties during the menopause transition. There is truly nothing worse than the feeling of isolation, of going through it alone. Oh, except adding the coronavirus forced isolation to the equation. Cyndie (not her real name) shares her frustration in the letter below. I wish I could say that this was unusual. But we Menopause Goddesses know better. Read it and please let her know she is not alone – we get through this together. Leave your thoughts, feelings, advise in the comments.
The Letter
Hello. I am a 56 year old menopausal woman who has been suffering with symptoms such as anxiety and depression since 2018. I am on estrogen patches for 6 months and still suffering. My doctor continues to refer me to a psychiatrist who prescribed medications I refuse to take. My gyn has dropped me from being a patient because I mentioned to her in the most respectful way that she was making me feel hopeless and telling me that my anxiety and depression did not come from menopause. I continuously tried to prove to her that hundreds of women feel like me. I can’t take living like this anymore. There seems to be no hope. I have no more money to spend on doctors. People say I will get better but I say when. I feel hopeless and just unhappy with my life. Thanks for listening.
Twitter
Linked In
Facebook
Like Us
Hello Cyndie,
You are definitely not alone. For me around the time menopause symptoms started to kick in I had my first dark episode, everything seemed to go black, it all went very dark in my head, I was close to feeling suicidal. I had no place to turn, don’t trust doctors and after one visit to one it confirmed my feelings, and honestly they don’t know anything. This doctor laughed at me because I told her I knew when I was going to have a hot flash, it was always brought on by stress/anxiety.
I decided that I would treat myself, I know my body better than anyone. I did find a product called Ladycare, it’s a magnet to help with all the problems. At that point I would try ANYTHING…this magnet really helped me in every way, mostly my horrible scary depression. I’ve found it doesn’t work for everyone. But certainly still worth a try, it’s not drugs which I will not do.
It’s hard to say anything if you don’t know a person at all except to say you are not alone. With that in mind, each time you are feeling low close your eyes hold out your hands and feel us taking your hands in ours and feel our love. I’ve realized no matter how I feel I will make it through this moment. Some of us are more sensitive to the everything. I have found great videos on you tube that are uplifting, depending on what you like. I stayed on them to help meet in my time of need, they were words of wisdom and food for the soul. People like Alan Watts, Gary Zukoff, keeping my mind on wisdom of the ancients. This is what helped and helps me. I send you love. It is going to be alright.
My heart goes out to you. I had similar problems I started at 47 due to a Hysterectomy and I would burn through a weekly estrogen patch in 3 days. Fortunately my Gynecologist who was a man told me his wife was just like me. He said there are about 10 percent of women who have a severe menopause ( I was flashing every hour with no sweat felt like I was being cooked alive) Couldn’t wear anything but a night gown and was stuck at home for 6 months. Anxiety was through the roof. He took me off the patch gave me oral estrogen,and an anti depressant. I also had acupuncture weekly. No psychiatrist or therapist. All 3 combined did the trick after 6 months I was free of the estrogen and the anti depressant.I could handle the symptoms on my own and could wear clothes and get out of the house. My gynecologist also said that for some women it comes on like a violent storm raging out of control,but he said usually for those they go through it in a shorter amount of time. By My 50s I only had occasional heat and mild irritability that I could check on my own . It will get better but you need the right team to help,as well as good friends and family. My husband stood by me the whole time and never complained. My children cooked and cleaned and ran errands. I will never forget though how awful that experience was, worse than childbirth,worse then surgery,and worse then my painful periods growing up. I can relate for sure. We women are courageous and strong being afraid doesn’t mean your not courageous take it day by day hour by hour time will go by and it will end. My blessings to you and your family.
I know how you feel. I would suggest trying a different patch. I had to go through a few different ones and oh my god what a life changer. Please know you are not alone. The patch the finally worked for me was Climara. And not the generic. Pharmacist told me generic patches can sometimes make things worse. I hope you can find some relief.
I was once told that you know your own body better than anyone else and believe it’s the truth. If you feel you’re issues were the result of the onset of menopause, then they were. You may want to reconsider medication that could possibly provide you much deserved relief. Sometimes exercise like taking a walk can even help. Keep fighting for yourself. Sending prayers your way.
Cyndie
Hello Cyndie,
It’s a tough to feel so alone. I remember thinking that I wished I had had a tribe…a tribe of wise women to help me sort through the confusion and the anxiety.
I never realized that menopause really was a total transformation.
I thought that just like the jokes said, it was all about hot flashes and mood swings. I didn’t realize everything changed…that I would feel like I had lost myself. I didn’t realize the physicality of it all. Anxiety is physical! I didn’t realize I would question EVERYTHING I thought I knew.
Well, I am a seeker. So I sought out answers and solutions. My tribe became all the blogs, books, and webinars about menopause. I read everything I could get my hands on and digest. Like you, I feel that doctors don’t get it. They are not prepared. There a only a handful and their services are not covered by insurance.
All this being said, there is no quick fix. Change and transformation take time. Healing takes time. Maybe if you look at this as an invitation to step back and see what in your life no longer serves you…what offers the most abundance and use this time to become YOU.
Anxiety and depression are nothing to take lightly. Don’t give up. Breathe, educate yourself, love yourself, and maybe your tribe will find you. Don’t give up.
Adding my voice to the others on this in hopes of providing community and caring to Cyndie.
I turned 51 early in 2020 and went off birth control pill in April. I had started on the pill at age 41 because
I was bleeding so heavily at my periods that it was scary. Going on the pill stopped all bleeding and was a revelation
mentally and emotionally because I realized how up and down my moods were before the pill. The pill took my highs and lows and averaged them all out into a very nice middle range. I would have like to stay on the pill a few more years but my dr. felt I should not continue, so I went off the pill cold turkey. By June I was desperately calling my Dr. to get me on a hormone regiment. Like many, I had not realized menopause was such a full-body/mind change.
Anyway, I got in touch with my dr. about a month ago and she prescribed a twice weekly estrogen patch which she said she herself uses. It worked with a week I would say. The awful night sweats and hot flashes are gone, my mood feels much more in the “normal zone” and I feel like I can continue with my pursuit of a healthy lifestyle like I have been doing for years. I have a follow up in which we will discuss adding progesterone to the regiment. That’s where I am now.
1st day on Novofem ladies. I have had a nightmare couple of years with all the symptoms you describe.
I thought i could keep a handle on it without hormone replacement. Seems not 🙁
Your stories are bringing me a sense of understanding. I no longer feel alone and isolated.
Thanks for your stories. I will tell you more when i am coherent and if i ever get rid of the wooly head and memory issues. These by far have been the worst symptoms for me, but im putting all my faith in a little pill.
Cyndie,
You are not alone in your feelings. I got through menopause with acupuncture and reaching out to my friends. It’s not an easy transition but it can be done. Now is a particularly hard time with so many of us forced to pause due to the pandemic. I have good days and bad days, and sometimes good and bad in the same day. Waves of grief (for so many things) and waves of gratitude for life and the small beauties around us. I try to focus on the small things, what gives me pleasure or a tiny spark of calmness. Exercise. Sleep. Eat well. Be proud of the courage you showed by reaching out.
Continue reaching out. Take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Tiny steps.
Hi Cyndie, I’m 46 and have irregular periods and occasional hot flashes. My real problem that makes me feel like I’m actually insane is a racing heartbeat and anxiety at such levels that make me feel like I might burst. During this pandemic it is horrific. I’m on hols now and I have shouted at my kids pretty much non-stop. Reading your message and this blog is enlightening and I want you to know that you are not alone. I’m feeling it from the UK too! X
You are absolutely not alone!! I was not prepared for how much the menopausal transition would change me. I was suddenly (seemingly overnight) thrown into a world of anxiety, sadness, “doom and gloom”, hot flashes, weight gain, hair loss (I used to have amazingly thick hair – now have patches of scalp showing in various places) and just a very unsettling, persistent feeling that I was no longer myself. All the usual things that used to calm me didn’t work. I spent a lot of money on doctors but nothing helped alleviate my symptoms until I started to see a holistic doctor and an acupuncturist. I started to eat more mindfully and that helped, too. But, honestly, I think the number one thing that helped was just the passage of time. .It has been about four years (one and a half year post menopause) and I feel as if I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I still don’t feel like myself but am realizing that “myself” might be a completely different person now! So I am learning what this new self needs in order to feel like “myself” – if that makes sense. Nothing could have prepared me for this journey; it made puberty look like a piece of cake. Hang in there. I have a feeling there are tons of us out there just riding the storm.
Excellent that you reached out – be proud of your strength. I am just about 58 and I feel like the last two years have been a nightmare and keep getting worse. In 2016 I had a hysterectomy and did not really feel menopause for a few years but in the last few years it has been awful. The hot flashes, night sweats and chills are driving me crazy, not to mention the the depression, weight gain (a body so big I don’t even recognize as my own) a good 30 lbs heavier than I have ever been and hair loss ( no bald spots but the amount of hair I lose is incredible. I have little to no libido. I was on estrodiol but it bothered me that I was given this simply from what I said to the doctor no actual testing. I am now trying some natural menopause supplements with no medical guidance. I think I will try to find someone soon as I need to find a balance so I feel more stable. The real kicker for me is my daughter who is 34 has stage IV metastatic breast cancer that is in her lungs and lymph nodes. Her tumour is estrogen sensitive so she is on medication that has put her into menopause. She suffers big time and watching her, going through my own trials and reading about menopause it is so much more complicated than I ever thought. I am confused and honestly don’t know the b e t course action everyday is a new day I guess. I think blogs like this at least make me realize it is not just me and my daughter and you. Take heart I hear you and you aren’t alone in your frustration. The one thing I wonder is if half of the populace of world suffers for years because of menopause why don’t we understand it better?
I find it really hard not to get angry at one man’s response to a post on this blog that weight gain has nothing to do with menopause – he obviously has all the answers (sarcasm)- and has lived through it.
I have never been more ashamed as I am now at how much weight I have gained even though I am very aware of my diet, eat plant based and desperately try to keep myself in check with not overeating and healthy. One day at a time I guess.
Hello Cyndie and wonderful women,
I’m so sorry you’ve been going through such an emotionally difficult time! When your doctor doesn’t really listen to you, it feels like you are out in the middle of a desert, wandering alone. My Doctor (like many) doesn’t seem to hear me around many issues, or she seems (my perception) very impatient when I return with the same concerns. I’ve mentioned menopause to her, and have tried anti-anxiety meds but she doesn’t seem open to my concerns. I also believe in alternate sources, which aren’t covered under OHIP, so costly. The bottom line is, at 57, I am only trying to change my diet as well as doing some meditations each day. I am on a fixed income so I can’t afford to go to a specialist. I have no right to advise you, but (as I mentioned) I am working on changing my diet (decreasing my sugar intake, which, I believe has contributed to a lot of my anxiety.) I am in Toronto, so we are lucky to have entered stage 3 (gyms, yoga studios open) so I want to find a yoga class (perhaps at a decreased price;) and I do some self love meditations on Youtube. I think I’ve always looked for “magic bullets,” but I realize that I must put some effort in to help with my mood swings. I’ve always struggled with fear and anxiety, and menopause seems to have heightened all those issues that have always been present. I have a friend who has done a lot of research around food and diet, and she believes a lot of our issues come from eating the wrong foods! I I am reading some of the other comments, wow, women really go through a war with this, and I also just wanted to say to Barbara (comment above mine) how sorry I am that your daughter is going through breast cancer at 34!! There is common thread to many of the comments: hair loss, loss of libido, weight gain, mood swings, hot flashes… It is not an easy time! For the first time, I feel invisible as a woman in the world! The other side of the coin is that, inside, I feel youthful, but society sees me as “old.” I am called “ma’am,” the bus driver lowers the step when I get on the bus (I walk everywhere and have strong legs!) I now see people getting up from their seats so that I can sit down!!! I shouldn’t feel insulted, but in my mind, I want to cry, because I start to believe the perceptions that I am weaker! Anyway, I could go on…Cyndie, I hope you find the support you need, and maybe, the fact that your letter was posted here, you will find some support here. BLESSINGS TO EVERYONE ON THIS JOURNEY! <3
Hello Ladies, you all are heaven sent to me. Your responses are so relieving as I had thought I was sure going crazy and on my own. I am 49 years old and started having all manner of body disorganization about 2 years ago, and unfortunately for me I live in Africa where malaria parasite is prevalent. I have lost count of treatments on malaria, ulcer and the likes while all I need is support. My doctors have made me run all manners of tests and scans and I only recently decided that I have had enough. I ran a search for support and found your page. I have promptly subscribed to information on your blog and looking forward to leaning and lending my shoulders too.
Dearest Cyndie you’re not alone. I am going through exactly what you are…at the age of 40. I hit menopause early and doctors cant figure out why. Depression, anxiety, panic, no hope, feeling crazy, that dark place at the bottom of the barrel….I know it.
Hormone replacement made it worse as did anti depressants. I went by a holistic doctor who explained that this transition is an evolution, and to embrace it. I’m now on holistic medication working fabulously. I feel hopeless sometimes too, and anxiety comes and goes.
But remember this, dont think when will it get better. Focus on just this breath. Thinking about when it will get better makes things seems like a never ending infinity, and that can get really depressing. Focus on one breath at a time. When the hopelessness rears its head, say to it, I see you. Hello. But also say I am stronger than this and I will be victorious. And so it shall be.
Maybe consider holistic therapy instead of regular pills? Just a consideration to do more research on.
We are all here with you, your own personal tribe. We got this.
All my love.