Enjoy this terrific guest post by award-winning sex educator Renée Denyer.
Dear Menopause Goddesses,
I hope you’ve had a fantastic start to your year, with restful sleep and hot flashes under control.
How is your vagina feeling today? Are you one of the lucky women whose nethers love menopause and has become multi-orgasmic? (If so, please know many of us are jealous of your bliss!). Or, is your menopausal vagina experiencing an off-season?
Sex can go off the boil when a woman hits menopause. There’s a long list of reasons for this, especially seeing as we are all individuals with our own set of desire accelerators and brakes, but a few of the most common reasons are stress and tiredness, hormones, and pain during intercourse.
If your vagina is in less than peak condition, I have some great tips for how to get the va-va-voom back. Grab a beverage and read on…
Pelvic Floor Exercising for Health & Pleasure
The pelvic floor is a sling of muscles shaped like a hammock. This ‘hammock’ runs between the pubic bone in the front and the tailbone at the back. The PF muscles stretch like a thick, muscular trampoline from the tailbone to the pubic bone and from one sitting bone to the other sitting bone (side to side).
Decreasing oestrogen during and after menopause can cause the pelvic floor to become thinner, weaker and less resilient. Side effects of a softer pelvic floor are bladder leakage, duller orgasmic contractions and an inability to “grip” around a penis, finger or dildo. If you are experiencing these symptoms, I highly recommend boosting your pelvic floor strength by investing in a set of “love balls.”
Love balls are weights that help strengthen the pelvic floor, a bit like a gym for the vagina. My top tip is to pop in a love ball, then go about your day. The ball will work its magic more gradually than if you do dedicated squeezes but is far more pleasurable. The ball rubs against your G-spot, and you might even start feeling turned on. A great way to boost arousal!
It’s Better Down Where It’s Wetter
Ariel was right; it really is better down where it’s wetter.
Vaginal dryness and atrophy are common symptoms during all stages of menopause. Vaginal membranes become dry and brittle, and sex painful, but there are ways to overcome this issue: Moisture is your best friend!
If your vagina feels dry, irritated and sore, YES VM could be just what it’s asking for. YES VM is a soft, clear bio-adhesive gel that is pH-matched to protect against further irritation. A small application to the delicate inner vaginal tissue typically provides a moist, comfortable vagina for up to three days.
On its own, YES VM isn’t enough to ensure sex play is comfortable and pain-free. For this, you need a good lubricant.
Sh! Pure Plus is water-based, paraben-free, and because it’s extra-thick, it lasts much longer than thinner lubricants. This gel-like lube creates a ‘padded’ layer of moisture between vaginal membranes and finger/penis/toys, which is really helpful if you experience discomfort or even pain during sex.
Society has taught us that “sex” equal penis-in-vagina but in reality, the majority of women don’t orgasm from penetration.
If you don’t enjoy penetration or find it painful, it’s high time to redefine what sex & pleasure means for you. Think of sex as a delicious buffet. You can pick and choose, try a little bit of everything that piques your interest…
Kissing, touching, erotic massages, playing with toys, mutual masturbation, watching porn… There is so much to enjoy!
Sex Toys to Enjoy Solo or With a Partner
Vibrations can help with relaxation, arousal and orgasm. Sex toys can be used solo or with a partner, and there is no shame in wanting or needing a little extra to help tease an orgasm out of your clitoris or G-spot.
If you’re new to toys, always start small. Finger-tip vibes are teeny-tiny and slip onto a finger. You (or your partner) can move fingers in all the ways you love best, but with the added benefit of sensual vibrations. Adding a dab of lube will ensure touches are slick, comfortable and erotic.
If you are curious about internal vibes for G-spot stimulation, Mini Pink is a good choice. Covered in smooth silicone and with 7 pleasure modes to explore, you have plenty of options. Mini Pink is appx 1.5 fingers in girth, so petite and easy to use. Again, add a drizzle of your favourite lube for friction-free play.
If you find your libido needs a kick-start, a wand vibe could be the way to go. Wands are intimidating-looking but don’t be put off by their size. They are fantastic orgasm-givers and can help encourage libidos to get back into gear.
For more tips or tailored advice, feel free to email me at Advice@sh-womenstore.com
Renee @ Sh!
Renée Denyer is Sh!’s award-winning manager & sex educator with over 15 years of experience. Renée regularly offers advice to health professionals and provides comprehensive sex education and sex-positive workshops for women of all ages. Focusing on female empowerment, Renée offers one-to-one support and advice for women, supporting them on their journey into sexual wellness and pleasure with kindness and care.
Sh! was the first women’s sex shop in the UK, founded in 1992 as an antidote to the sleazy, male-dominated sex industry of the time and has since driven the sea change that transformed views on female sexuality. Described as “true pioneers” (The Observer Magazine), “ground-breaking” and “the best sex shop for women” (Time Out), the innovation was simply to create a welcoming, honest and informative environment where women could comfortably talk about sex and sex toys.
PS. Sh! is based in the UK – they ship internationally.
I had rapid growing breast cancer in 2014, 7 years later I am still struggling with sex that is intensely painful. My body wasn’t ready for menopause, so it came on full force with hot flashes every 3-5 minutes and later very painful sex and every menopause symptom you can think of. I can’t take any hormones based on my type of cancer. I feel like I will never enjoy sex again or feel normal again.
When my partner inserts his fingers in my girl parts (lordy which I enjoy) most times I tend to bleed. He is good about this as he always cleans me off and then we continue with our activities. Is it something I should worry about?
I will be 55 on 25 of this month. And last period was in November of last year. As far as I can tell, had none of the menopausal symptoms. Sex is still great. I walk most places, no smoking ever, have tea with meals, a bit over weight but comfortable with it at 5’11” 238 pounds.
Hi Jiffy, Anytime you have bleeding, you should have it checked out with your health care practitioner – just to be safe and put your mind at ease. I’m delighted that you have not had major menopause symptoms – I wish that for every Menopause Goddess. Take care, be safe.